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Original poster

To not plate my 10 year old's pizza?

486 replies

Mastmw7g · 17/11/2023 04:05

DH does most of the cooking and tends to cater to DD. I've become concerned that she will not eat when hungry unless he puts food in front of her. He was out and we had pizza. She told me she didn't see her plate. I said to then grab a plate and join me. She said no and went to her room without eating. DH came home and became upset that she hadn't eaten and said I should have put her pizza on a plate for her.

OP posts:
EveWinter · 17/11/2023 06:13

I agree @WinedropsOnMoses , it is just a bit of kindness, like when DC make me a cup of tea or stick a slice of bread in the toaster for me as theirs finishes etc..

I don’t get it why you made it such a big deal OP, she is 10.

wokbun · 17/11/2023 06:15

There's something going on with her. Your DH isn't picking up on it as he's happy to just get her fed. You've realised there's something up.

Does she cook with you?

margotrose · 17/11/2023 06:18

I can't get my head around your behaviour - it's so bizarre to me.

She's ten and she was hungry. Why on earth would you not get her some dinner?

What her brothers do or don't do is irrelevant - you essentially sent your child to bed hungry because of some weird notion that she should have to serve herself Confused

ApolloandDaphne · 17/11/2023 06:20

I don't think it's about eating or the ability to get a plate for herself, I think this is about caring. She is looking to her parents to care about her and this is manifesting itself in being offered food on a plate. Food and eating is all about nurture and love rather than merely the ingesting of calories. She is perhaps feeing a little insecure at the moment and needs this little bit of nurturing from you. Look at the behaviour and work out what she is telling you.

PortalooSunset · 17/11/2023 06:20

Why didn't you place a stack of plates next to the pizza? I think it's bizarre everyone had to get their own out.

We eat as a family. Pizza night the cut pizzas are placed in the middle of the table and there's a plate in each place. Each dc has always had a 'dinner job' (eg bring cutlery, make drinks).

Your way sounds very odd to me @Mastmw7g and I can't believe you'd rather your 10 year old went hungry rather than just bung a slice on a plate "because she didn't ask me to".

WYorkshireRose · 17/11/2023 06:22

SweetFemaleAttitude · 17/11/2023 05:07

Why is the husband being berated for serving his 10yo food on a plate?

This is a weird thread.

Why would you make a pizza, get a plate out for yourself to put pizza on, but not put a slice on a plate for another person in the house, regardless of their age.

It's almost like you were testing her.

Bizarre

This. It's so odd.

LAMPS1 · 17/11/2023 06:22

When you are together, are the meals cooked and served nicely and do you sit down together to eat with a positive spirit to make it a lovely social family time?

You say that your dd eats when her DF makes and serves her a meal.
But that you sit down to eat yourself and refuse to serve her meal, telling her to get the pizza herself if she’s hungry. Where is the love in that ?
Then you wonder why she feels unwanted at the meal table and prefers to go upstairs without. Can you see that not setting her a place as if you don’t expect her to eat with you, is dismissive and does nothing to support good family eating routines. It’s not a question of her being lazy.

There are many aspects to nourishing ourselves. As a parent, I would take the lead and do all I could to prepare and serve a meal with love and good will, making it tempting in terms of the ingredients, cooking, presentation and good loving company around a properly laid table.
Make eating together, even if it’s just a pizza snack, a happy, pleasant experience for your daughter. She’s only ten years old.

KTSl1964 · 17/11/2023 06:23

How rude saffronsun!!! It would annoy me - it just seems a habit that needs breaking.

WinedropsOnMoses · 17/11/2023 06:33

ApolloandDaphne · 17/11/2023 06:20

I don't think it's about eating or the ability to get a plate for herself, I think this is about caring. She is looking to her parents to care about her and this is manifesting itself in being offered food on a plate. Food and eating is all about nurture and love rather than merely the ingesting of calories. She is perhaps feeing a little insecure at the moment and needs this little bit of nurturing from you. Look at the behaviour and work out what she is telling you.

I agree with this 100%.

madeinmanc · 17/11/2023 06:38

She's only 10, I think you need to change how you behave with her.

It's part of the ritual of family eating together to have plates and to plate up the food and place it in front of them at the table.

At the age of 10, yes she is capable of putting the pizza on a plate but part of the meal is serving it for the participants which forms a bond between those people. And she is young enough to need your nurturing and caring as a previous poster put it.

The way you are describing it, it sounds like she's just some random person like a student in a shared house at university who happened to drop by and you said to help themselves to pizza, rather than a ten year-old daughter. Very cold and impersonal and I'm sure she picked up on this vibe.

MyHornCanPierceTheSky · 17/11/2023 06:38

No, the pizza next to the oven and slices were already cut. The pizza was next to the plates
Do all she to do was identify how much pizza she wanted and which slices and lift onto the plate next to it? Having seen her brothers already do this? She wasn't singled out as the only one you hadn't served?
She chose not to do this, but then complained about being hungry as soon as daddy got home?

Mummyoflittledragon · 17/11/2023 06:39

Gosh I’ve just realised who you are op as you’ve had a number of recent threads.

From an outsider looking in, it looks as though you’re putting your children through tests they don’t know they’re taking.

If I’m right, what are you hoping to gain?

Dotcheck · 17/11/2023 06:44

Actually, the more I think about it the more I think something sounds off with you, OP.

You were in the living room, everyone had food except her? You dished yourself up and went and sat down before your child had food? That’s odd. Most parents would ensure their children have food before they get comfortable in front of the tv with their own food.

Perhaps it’s less about her not getting a plate and more about her being left out.

GRex · 17/11/2023 06:44

LAMPS1 · 17/11/2023 06:22

When you are together, are the meals cooked and served nicely and do you sit down together to eat with a positive spirit to make it a lovely social family time?

You say that your dd eats when her DF makes and serves her a meal.
But that you sit down to eat yourself and refuse to serve her meal, telling her to get the pizza herself if she’s hungry. Where is the love in that ?
Then you wonder why she feels unwanted at the meal table and prefers to go upstairs without. Can you see that not setting her a place as if you don’t expect her to eat with you, is dismissive and does nothing to support good family eating routines. It’s not a question of her being lazy.

There are many aspects to nourishing ourselves. As a parent, I would take the lead and do all I could to prepare and serve a meal with love and good will, making it tempting in terms of the ingredients, cooking, presentation and good loving company around a properly laid table.
Make eating together, even if it’s just a pizza snack, a happy, pleasant experience for your daughter. She’s only ten years old.

Very much this. It was exceptionally rude of you to serve yourself and sit there eating when the family have not yet arrived in the room, never mind sat at the table to eat.

OP, your daughter didn't want to eat because she was upset with how your treated her, not because she was incapable of picking up food. I don't know why you don't care about her feelings, but it's on you to get counselling for that. She's a child, stop being cruel to her.

HoppingPavlova · 17/11/2023 06:45

As a parent, I would take the lead and do all I could to prepare and serve a meal with love and good will, making it tempting in terms of the ingredients, cooking, presentation and good loving company around a properly laid table

Do rainbows fly out your arse while doing this? My idea of ‘serving’ pizza was every man for himself with the proviso that if you were too lazy to get a plate or not quick enough and were one of the last ones to grab some then you had to eat using a box as the plate - to save on washing up, as dishwasher already goes on full 2 times a day minimum, so stuff extra plates. Cutlery for pizza would involve a firing squad. None of mine ever went off hungry in a huff refusing the pizza, nor linked my lack of all that kerfuffle ‘serving’ pizza as some lack of love for them 🤣.

RecycleMePlease · 17/11/2023 06:46

I find this idea that mum has to go and get a 10 year old a plate while she's in the middle of eating her own dinner ridiculous - OP isn't her slave!

In my house I'd be putting the food down and yelling at one of my DSes to get the plates/cutlery for us all (if they hadn't already got plates without me asking). If it was lunch and we were all eating whatever we felt like and I was already eating, my DS would have to be in a terrible way before I got up mid-meal and got him one!

SisterHyster · 17/11/2023 06:47

ithinkthatmaybeimdreaming · 17/11/2023 05:39

I find it more bizarre that a 10 year old is seemingly incapable of getting herself a plate and putting a piece of pizza on it. It doesn't exactly require a lot of skill.

Show quote history

Exactly!

In our house, pizza is a self serve meal. People eat differing amounts and someone inevitably goes back for seconds/thirds.

The only person I serve is the toddler, because if I didn’t there would be a trail of pizza smears and the dog would be eating the pizza.

PuttingDownRoots · 17/11/2023 06:49

I would find it wierd if someone decided wat flavour pizza I wanted on my plate. So would my children...

I don't think the OP and her daughter are the only people with food issues here!

(NB... I do make sure my children have served themselves before I do as long as hey come when called. DD2 wanted to finish her book before eating her pizza a couple of weeks ago)

madeinmanc · 17/11/2023 06:49

OP you would you consider eating all meals at the table, everyone served a plate and all starting eating at the same time? I'm thinking it might help whatever's going on here, if she's feeling left out etc.

SisterHyster · 17/11/2023 06:50

GRex · 17/11/2023 06:44

Very much this. It was exceptionally rude of you to serve yourself and sit there eating when the family have not yet arrived in the room, never mind sat at the table to eat.

OP, your daughter didn't want to eat because she was upset with how your treated her, not because she was incapable of picking up food. I don't know why you don't care about her feelings, but it's on you to get counselling for that. She's a child, stop being cruel to her.

Show quote history

No, it’s exceptionally rude of the daughter to not eat the food their mum made because they can’t be bothered to lift a plate from the cupboard, place some pizza on it, and then eat the pizza.

Mummyoflittledragon · 17/11/2023 06:51

Why is it relevant what happens in other households? What matters is that it isn’t working in op’s. How about supporting a 10 year old, who is having difficulties?

RecycleMePlease · 17/11/2023 06:51

Why would you make a pizza, get a plate out for yourself to put pizza on, but not put a slice on a plate for another person in the house, regardless of their age.

Because it's pizza - it gets cold quick - it stays in the box with the lid shut until someone takes out a slice to eat (TBH, plate optional - although I have lots of bits on mine so usually use one)

Peacheroo · 17/11/2023 06:53

My daughter is like this and has been for a long time. For me there is no concern, she is just a lazy toad.

It is always "mum, can I have x snack that I'm perfectly capable of preparing?" "Yes, you know where the fridge is". She has said to me and proved that she would rather go hungry than use her feet to walk to the cupboard or fridge.

SandyWaves · 17/11/2023 06:53

She's bloody 10 years old. Put her dinner on a plate and give it to her.

This is bloody crazy.

RecycleMePlease · 17/11/2023 06:56

My daughter is like this and has been for a long time. For me there is no concern, she is just a lazy toad.

Ha, yes, my son (10) too - if he thought he could have me serve him his food in front of him for every meal, he absolutely would. (he's not all bad, he's a good cook, and often brings cake and a fork to everyone that he's baked at a weekend - as long as we discuss how successful/unsuccessful the latest recipe/flavour combination is.)