Page 2 | To not plate my 10 year old's pizza?

Mastmw7g · 2023-11-17T04:05:37+00:00

DH does most of the cooking and tends to cater to DD. I've become concerned that she will not eat when hungry unless he puts food in front of her. He was out and we had pizza. She told me she didn't see her plate. I said to then grab a plate and join me. She said no and went to her room without eating. DH came home and became upset that she hadn't eaten and said I should have put her pizza on a plate for her.

PuttingDownRoots · 17/11/2023 05:27

A 10yo is more than old enough to help with meal serving.

Does she ever help with table setting or clearing, serve herself from a buffet, make herself a sandwich?

Does she struggle with other self care tasks?

Original poster

Mastmw7g · 17/11/2023 05:31

IDontFeelLikeCooking · 17/11/2023 05:12

can I ask when she says she is hungry is this between meals ? If so I think it is appropriate to say grab a piece of fruit / a yoghurt / glass of milk / a biscuit.

if it is a meal time and your response to a 10 year old is that she should make herself something to eat I think YABU.

from the information provided I’m not sure the child is the lazy one around food!

She usually says she's hungry to me between meals but also says it when it's time to eat. I do make her breakfast and put it in front of her. In afternoons I'll make her food if she asks me. If she just says "I'm hungry" I will tell her to eat. If she says that to my husband he will prepare her food.

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Original poster

Mastmw7g · 17/11/2023 05:34

PuttingDownRoots · 17/11/2023 05:27

A 10yo is more than old enough to help with meal serving.

Does she ever help with table setting or clearing, serve herself from a buffet, make herself a sandwich?

Does she struggle with other self care tasks?

She does not prepare herself food so set a table. The only self care I can think of that she struggles with other than this is brushing her hair. We have to plead with her to brush her hair and have it kept short so it's less of an issue. She has a special brush and a spray and still it's an ordeal, but she may have a very tender scalp.

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AlisonDonut · 17/11/2023 05:37

I don't understand, if you cooked the food what you were expecting to eat the pizza off of? Did you just set it on the table with no plates or cutlery?

maratara · 17/11/2023 05:37

WHy didn't you just put a piece of pizza on your 10yo's plate? How bizarre.

Original poster

Mastmw7g · 17/11/2023 05:38

SweetFemaleAttitude · 17/11/2023 05:07

Why is the husband being berated for serving his 10yo food on a plate?

This is a weird thread.

Why would you make a pizza, get a plate out for yourself to put pizza on, but not put a slice on a plate for another person in the house, regardless of their age.

It's almost like you were testing her.

Bizarre

The pizza was in the kitchen next to the oven. The slices were cut. My sons and I took plates out and put pizza on our plates. Then she in.

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ithinkthatmaybeimdreaming · 17/11/2023 05:39

maratara · 17/11/2023 05:37

WHy didn't you just put a piece of pizza on your 10yo's plate? How bizarre.

I find it more bizarre that a 10 year old is seemingly incapable of getting herself a plate and putting a piece of pizza on it. It doesn't exactly require a lot of skill.

Original poster

Mastmw7g · 17/11/2023 05:42

AlisonDonut · 17/11/2023 05:37

I don't understand, if you cooked the food what you were expecting to eat the pizza off of? Did you just set it on the table with no plates or cutlery?

No, the pizza next to the oven and slices were already cut. The pizza was next to the plates. The table was not set. My six year old was able to take a plate and put a slice of pizza on it. So was his older brother. My daughter didn't even ask for a slice of pizza on a plate. She decided to go to her room instead.

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Original poster

Mastmw7g · 17/11/2023 05:42

maratara · 17/11/2023 05:37

WHy didn't you just put a piece of pizza on your 10yo's plate? How bizarre.

Because she didn't even ask me to.

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Original poster

Mastmw7g · 17/11/2023 05:45

Dolphinnoises · 17/11/2023 05:04

Yes. That.

10 is entirely old enough to have a bad relationship with food.

And this seems such an odd hill to die on. Do you have your own poor relationship with food / family affection? Are you jealous of your DH’s relationship with your DD?

I'm affectionate. I don't think I have an odd relationship with food. And I'm not jealous of my husband's relationship with my daughter.

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saffronsoup · 17/11/2023 05:47

I doubt this is a lack of skill or ability to plate one’s own food.

It sounds like she isn’t intrinsically motivated by hunger to eat. She also clearly isn’t food oriented. She will eat if the food is in front of her with an expectation that she eat but otherwise she doesn’t eat.

I would have this assessed as it could lead to much bigger issues in the coming years.

RedCoffeeCup · 17/11/2023 05:47

Nearly all 10 year olds would be able to get a plate and put a slice of pizza on it with no problems. The fact that your DD can't and would rather miss dinner altogether seems worrying to me. I feel that this is so unusual for her age that it can't just be because she's lazy / spoilt / DH panders to her and there must be something deeper going on that you need to explore. So I've voted YABU.

Original poster

Mastmw7g · 17/11/2023 05:47

Goldbar · 17/11/2023 04:29

If she says she's hungry, I'd make her get up, come downstairs/into the kitchen with me and physically plate her food herself, rather than just putting it on a plate and taking it to her. Hopefully if there's no more worrying issues around food, she's just being lazy and needs to get used to doing things herself.

Are you eating some meals together as a family or does she tend to eat alone for most of her meals?

No, she eats breakfast with her younger brother. Her older brother eats before them. We have dinner as a family.

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MrsTerryPratchett · 17/11/2023 05:48

I don't think I have an odd relationship with food.

I've read the whole thread and you seem to have an odd relationship with relationships. She's 10. She didn't eat dinner. Weren't you a little curious? Didn't you ask? It just seems really strange.

Original poster

Mastmw7g · 17/11/2023 05:55

MrsTerryPratchett · 17/11/2023 05:48

I don't think I have an odd relationship with food.

I've read the whole thread and you seem to have an odd relationship with relationships. She's 10. She didn't eat dinner. Weren't you a little curious? Didn't you ask? It just seems really strange.

I thought it was insane that she would rather not eat than put forth effort, but let her choose to go to her room. I spent time with her before she went to bed. We didn't talk about food.

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NLisa · 17/11/2023 06:03

My DS 11 does exactly this if I don’t make him food he will not eat. I prepare all meals during the week but on the weekends he can just have a sandwich during the day when he is hungry. He refuses to eat all day till dinner if I don’t make him anything. He will say he is hungry multiple times a day but will not go in the kitchen to make a sandwich. Which he knows how to do. I have all his favourites in, he is just being lazy/spoiled. We had one that my mum stepped in and made him food so he could eat because we had a stand off again. He is a growing strong tall lad plays football 3 times a week and eats absolutely everything. As long as he does not have to make it. Absolutely bizar

Dixiechickonhols · 17/11/2023 06:04

With the mention of the hairbrush if I’d think something sensory is possibly going on.
Two very different styles of parenting may be confusing. You’d done it as buffet style - pizza and plates on side but dad would serve to table on plates.
Is she says she’s hungry then do you direct eg you can have a yoghurt or fruit. Is she perhaps unsure what she can take.

EveWinter · 17/11/2023 06:05

I find this slightly odd. In my house it would have been ‘come and sit down and have some pizza with me’, I would have got up, got a plate and a glass and served food and a drink. Not just for a ten year old but for almost anyone here.

Not because I am a martyr either.

Afteropening · 17/11/2023 06:07

are you in the UK Op?

Thursa · 17/11/2023 06:08

All she had to do was walk into the kitchen, pick up a plate, and put some cooked, sliced pizza on it? At 10 years old? I would not be impressed at a refusal to do that.

Tiswa · 17/11/2023 06:08

From memory she also has disordered sleep as well based your other thread? How is she at school. It does sound as if something is going on

I would say though given that you know she has a disordered relationship with food and won’t eat unless it is served to her why didn’t you. You set her up to fail knowing she wouldn’t eat dinner.

Afteropening · 17/11/2023 06:09

bloody. hell.

I have just seen your posting history OP

Thread after thread about your “unreasonable” DD. complaint after complaint

she is 10 OP

10

WinedropsOnMoses · 17/11/2023 06:09

I think the whole scenario is a little odd.

I always plate my 11 and 7 year old's dinner- mainly to make sure everyone has enough (mine are hogs and if it was first come,first served,there would be some left with nothing 🤣), and to make sure plates are balanced, e.g I will whack a bit of salad on the side of a pizza which always gets eaten.

Exception would be for things like buffets on holiday, family bbqs etc where my eldest will sort himself out.

Also though,just because it feels to me like a loving thing to do. Not in a creepy, perfect Insta mum way..it's just nice.

I'd be worried if one of my children skipped dinner and just went to their room. She's only 10,not 16..what's wrong with a bit of encouragement/reminder to eat?

Not sure it's about her skills tbh..She sounds capable,agree with PP that maybe she's not food orientated? Does she seem happy generally?

Tiswa · 17/11/2023 06:10

And the thing with refusing she just simply didn’t then eat - she didn’t tantrum or say she wouldn’t she made a choice - but one which led her to not have food.

how does she eat pizza - is it a touching thing?

Original poster

Mastmw7g · 17/11/2023 06:11

Dixiechickonhols · 17/11/2023 06:04

With the mention of the hairbrush if I’d think something sensory is possibly going on.
Two very different styles of parenting may be confusing. You’d done it as buffet style - pizza and plates on side but dad would serve to table on plates.
Is she says she’s hungry then do you direct eg you can have a yoghurt or fruit. Is she perhaps unsure what she can take.

I can try making suggestions when she says she's hungry. My older son is on the spectrum, so I've had all my kids evaluated and no sensory issues were uncovered, but I've read that it can be harder to detect in girls because they're social chameleons. I'll make more of an effort.

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