To not plate my 10 year old's pizza?

[Mastmw7g]

DH does most of the cooking and tends to cater to DD. I've become concerned that she will not eat when hungry unless he puts food in front of her. He was out and we had pizza. She told me she didn't see her plate. I said to then grab a plate and join me. She said no and went to her room without eating. DH came home and became upset that she hadn't eaten and said I should have put her pizza on a plate for her.

Like mother like daughter then! If a 10 year old is too lazy to put a piece of pizza on a plate then so is her mother.

There are choices. You can eat pizza in a refined way or like a slob. It’s just personal preference!

The fact she said she "didn't see her plate" and that's why she didn't take any suggests to me that she is very black/white and factual iykwim?

It's like she didn't see a plate with food that was specifically meant for her so she assumed there was none for her (and didn't particularly care) so just went back to whatever she was doing. It sounds like she's not that bothered about food.

I have a teenage ds who's like this, if I don't specifically prepare food for him and make him come and get it he just won't eat. So I do it because I don't want him to starve, even though it annoys me sometimes if say, I go out all day and when I come back he hasn't bothered to make himself some lunch. I don't think it's deliberate though, I just don't think it occurs to him to make food.

It does sound like there's maybe something going on with your dd but it may just be an ambivalence to food.

I don’t understand why you wouldn’t plate it for her? Sure she’s old enough, but you’re her mum. Maybe I’ve missed something?
Id also be concerned about her eating being somewhat disordered, and keen to get on top of it before it becomes a bigger issue.

I wonder does the OP’s husband slightly warm the plate first. Pizza on a cold plate is horrible.
In our family we always dish food out on to plates for ourselves and each other. No-one is lazy. It’s just how we do it to make sure everyone is fed.

I agree with this..my 9 year old won't eat unless i put it in front of him. It's just what some kids are like isn't it? I wouldn't overthink it.

a lot of people are missing that feeding your kids and making sure they eat is basic fucking parenting 101.

it doesn't matter WHY the child didn't help herself, what matters is the OP let her 10 yo child go hungry.

Reading your other threads it really seems like you favour the boys over the girls 😳😳

It’s a weird hill to die on OP - I get why you would want her to be more independent but surely it’s not worth letting her go hungry. If I knew my kid had an issue around food then I would just what needed doing to get them to eat?

This in spades!
She could be at the start of an eating disorder. No child goes hungry for no reason. In her head she could think she is overweight. She seeks reassurance from her mum that it is okay for her to eat, but her poor brain translates mum not offering her food as a test. She thinks now her mum also thinks she’s fat and is testing her to see if she’ll eat or not. She thinks her mum thinks she shouldn’t eat. I was a similar age when I started restricting and if this happened to me I would have at that time thought my parents also wanted me to restrict when they didn’t notice I was not eating. I thought it meant they were encouraging it.
She needs love and attention otherwise the OP will be posting back here in 6 months when her daughter we is in hospital that there were no signs.

@Jetstream

lol I don’t know anyone who warms plates up for pizza! It’s supposed to be a quick and easy dinner!

did none of you ever go to uni and eat it straight out the box?!

But maybe this isn't just pizza?

maybe others have M&S pizza! which needs plates and a table and the silverwear and the napkins!

Whereas, Sainsburies, you can just grab and eat on the sofa with a plate (or even side plate only).

Of course people do/did. My teenager often sits with his mates at the weekend eating a takeaway pizza like this.

When he was 10 though I didn't just grab my food and say get yourself some. Then if he didn't I wouldnt not bother if he had food or not.

I have read (maybe not all but still) a lot of the reactions. To be honest, I think it's weird not to sit and eat together at the table, using plates/cutlery/glasses/napkins put their by the person who's turn it is to lay the table. Eating together is so important! Children learn to wait till everybody is home, to listen to each other talking about their day at school or work, to politely ask to pass a dish or if they may leave the table. Just a pizza or a full meal cooked from scratch, makes no difference. It's a moment of grounding, of being a family. If not during mealtime, when are you (those who do not agree with me) all together with no extern disturbances?

This. I don’t get why you wouldn’t.

This shouldn't be about who is right and who is wrong, it should be about why your 10 year old is choosing not to eat.

Whenever you make the time for it to happen. I respect that meal time can be a good time to spend time together in this way, but so could any other time if you made it so. What I find frustrating is people acting like it's only possible to do this while eating so anyone not doing so anyone not doing so cannot be doing it at any other time and must be negligent.

My 21 year old daughter has always displayed odd behaviour around food, very picky, hyper sensitive to taste and texture, wouldn’t eat at friends houses despite them catering to her fussy taste etc. Other issues around anxiety but no other problems. She has now been told whilst studying at uni that she is definitely neuro diverse - probably autism or ADHD. I’m not saying your daughter is but whilst I get your point, many kids would just plate their own food up - many mums would also plate their children’s food up too - I’d say to just plate it up. It’s never worth the hassle and people are complex. You don’t know her reasonings for not doing it but even if it’s just laziness, you want her to eat presumable and life to not be a battle so is it worth not doing it?

Glad my parents never enforced that rule. Dad worked in London and didn’t get home until past seven most nights. I trained at the pool five nights a week at 7 or 8. My mum worked evening shifts sometimes.

Not eating at a table with both my parents seems to have not affected me. I can manage to eat pizza from a box on the sofa, or at fine dining restaurants with silver service.

@aSofaNearYou of course you can have a family life otherwise than at meals! I just wanted to emphasise it comes naturally when you eat together 🤷🏼‍♀️ Anyway, I still think it's weird for a mom to start eating with two children and not waiting for the third child. Not exactly talking nightshifts here. Something sounds very much off here.

@neonsoda my husband rarely was home before 7.30 p.m. so that was our dinner time. It was also the only meal we all had together, breakfast and lunch was the children and me (if they didn't take a packed lunch to school). I still think it has proven it's worth, my children try and do the same now that they have their own family. But this of course is off-topic, the question was to plate or not to plate for a 10year old girl. I say plate, and I don't understand why a mother who is at home anyway wouldn't do that for her child(ren). Your mother was out working, a whole different situation!

I'm surprised that 65% of people think this is OK. I find that really sad. Of course you should have got her a plate or followed after her to see how she was, she's a child. Your child!

It's likely not about the food or the plate. She wants/needs to be cared for, needs the connection. Again, she's a child so it's not surprising.

What are you going to do when she's 15, 18 etc and she's in her room for something more serious. School, friend, boy, home issues. Just going to sit and eat your pizza?

I'm with your husband on this.

It is really odd that a 10 year old refuses to get herself food and won't eat if it isn't served to her. I had a sibling that was coddled like this. He would drive to my parents house for meals because he didn't know how to do anything on his own. I'd nip this now before it is too late!

As soon as I read your post I thought your daughter was on the spectrum. After reading further tidy room, sensory issues with hair brushing and a brother who is on the spectrum I’d say she’s probably on the spectrum. She obviously processes things slightly differently and routine is key. Obviously, how your husband serves her works for her.

I am also a little confused, if you eat as a family why are you all getting plates and helping yourself? If I make dinner I serve everyone at the table.

How is your sibling now?

I'm surprised at the 65% too.

Uncaring.