Child hitting my child at school

[ShepherdMoons]

Youngest dd has two new children in her class. Both have ASD and should be in specialist provision but the school has a new unit and is part of a new programme to help children with special needs be in a mainstream classroom. They spend an hour in the unit each day and then they are in the classroom for the day.

I totally appreciate that both children have many challenges and it must be very hard for them too but my child is coming home each day saying that X has hit her hard on her back, been kicked, pushed. Each day I have been to the teacher as my child is getting more distressed and frightened. The teacher has been putting more measures in place to help the boys but I have also a meeting with the Head tomorrow to voice my concerns.

Today one of the boys kicked the dinner lady and will spend time in the unit for this but then he will inevitably be back in the classroom next week. This is also disruptive to the children learning as there is more noise and general disruption due to them struggling to concentrate. AIBU to consider moving my dd out of this school?

I’m in Wales so could be different but inclusion policy means that all children are in mainstream education here. Therefore all schools will be similar.

YANBU but this is very common in mainstream now I’m afraid.

It’s pretty much the case in every school I’ve worked in OP. You might find you are out of the frying pan and into the fire if you move.

What would happen at the next school, can you endlessly move?

@Neodymium we have also considered a private school as it seems to be more common in state schools to have little support and more children will needs. It's hard on everyone as the teachers are clearly struggling to cope, the poor dinnerladies are scared too. The dinner lady at dd's school was really (understandably) upset by what happened in the playground.

Well that's not exactly true, is it? My middle child attends an autism wing in a school with mainstream classes and the autism wing classes + mainstream classes are considered to be one school, but he doesn't attend any mainstream classes.

The boy's mum (the boy who kicked the dinnerlady) said he'd done this because he was frustrated that she wouldn't get some equipment out of the shed for him. She said he can't control his behaviour and sort of justified it by saying his needs aren't being met. My dd's 'needs' are not being met but she's not entitled to hit or kick others. The boy's mother even jokingly said 'he should have kicked her harder' which I find appalling.

Speak to the head and ask what is being done to safeguard your DC against being attacked. They should be able to go to school without being hit and it is not acceptable, make that clear. If nothing is done then take it further.

My DC are at a private school and have never experienced this kind of behaviour in the classroom. There are challenging children, there will be in any school, but I think that they definitely receive a lot more support. Smaller class sizes definitely help, only 18 in DC year 1 class.

YANBU.

In my experience having taught at a lot of different schools, all schools have difficult kids and the potential issues balancing everyone's needs.

However, the worse schools are the ones who are unable to actually keep everyone safe 99% of the time. It's not unrealistic to expect the school to keep your child safe. If this bright idea was being managed properly with a strong leadership team, your daughter would not be suffering.

I can tell they're not managing it properly because they've put that child back in the unit for kicking a dinner lady but not for harming your precious child. I've worked in schools where they exclude kids for hurting staff but not each other. It's a chaotic, messy environment where the child victims learn they are not important enough to be protected and that they cannot trust adults to help them when they need it.

I would move your daughter if you can.

There is no provision for that in the county I’m in unfortunately. My child is struggling hugely in mainstream and there is nowhere else for her to go.

How awful of the mother

@greengreengrass25 I was shocked. She was almost annoyed that the dinner lady had been upset and had taken against being kicked so came out with that comment that her son 'should have kicked her harder'. Where do you go with an attitude like that? If my dd had kicked anyone I'd be appalled and would feel distraught.

I have also seen the boy hitting and kicking his mother when she collects him from school She told me that afterwards he is sorry and kisses her all over and dotes on her. It just sounds horrifying.

Your poor daughter! I would 100% move her, she shouldn’t be scared at school, I wouldn’t want my child going to a school with that kind of set up.

It's absolutely awful

So sorry for your Dd and that poor dinner lady.

The dinner lady shouldn’t have been gossiping about a school child especially a disabled school child

As a teacher who has had to deal with children like this, please keep complaining to the head, every single time she is hurt. There is a lack of funding for proper support for such pupils, and the more parents complain the more ammunition the school have to get extra support. It doesn’t sound like the support base is working well if they’re in there for such a short time period each day and they’re regularly violent when returning to the mainstream classroom.

Disabled children ARE mainstream children, part of society, part of life.

@modgepodge his regular support has been off ill for a while, she is really good. The school have struggled a lot with absence of the teaching assistants and other support staff.

I'd actually written something similar about meeting needs then deleted it before posting. She's partly right (and partly wrong). Autistic children do lash out when their needs are not being met. It is the school's job to manage that effectively. But not getting some equipment out for him isn't "unmet needs" that's "giving him whatever he wants."

Two key ways they can meet his needs are: 1. Ensuring the class's work is differentiated adequately so that all students can access the learning and simultaneously don't finish it too quickly and get bored, and 2. Ensuring the boy's transitions and dead time are managed appropriately so he is always occupied in some way and not left hanging. It sounds like he was trying to find something to do. He should have as part of his management plan somewhere to go and something to do at his breaks/lunches/any time he's out of lessons, and a member of staff should guide him there to ensure he goes to the right place. There will be other interventions needed at various times but these two things underpin everything else.

But you are completely right, these are not yours or your daughter's problems. I'm trying to make it clear that the school's management is the issue here and there's a lot they could do better that would head off this sort of behaviour before it starts, better schools are doing these things, and moving your daughter to a school where the SEN kids are properly cared for and managed would benefit your daughter massively.

It's not true to say private schools have better provisions, most of them just kick the children out. We've had children turn up in our state primary who've been told with very little notice that they are not welcome anymore. Private schools can just decide to exclude the child without any support given or any of the long processes that state schools will have to go through. Losing one childs fees is far more preferable to risking losing many more if they allow the child to stay and try to manage the situation.

The sad truth is that specialist settings are incredibly hard to find and obtain and children who really need this environment are left in mainstream with inadequate funding to help them and all the other children in their class.

I would second a previous poster and say you should request a meeting with the safeguarding lead to ask about thesafeguarding provisions for your child.

I teach in a private school and it’s worlds away from the state schools. I have friends who teach in state schools and the stuff they deal with I just couldn’t even imagine. One friend has a boy in her class who regularly goes on a rampage destroying the class ripping posters down upturning desks, throwing stuff. She just has to evacuate the rest of the kids from the class and leave him to it. (This is year 3). Can’t make him stop or talk to him. His mum just blames the school and demands to know why he doesn’t learn anything or get a report card with grades like the other kids.

Are you the boys mother? The poor woman was attacked at work and you’re trying to victim blame her, disgusting.