Child hitting my child at school

[ShepherdMoons]

Youngest dd has two new children in her class. Both have ASD and should be in specialist provision but the school has a new unit and is part of a new programme to help children with special needs be in a mainstream classroom. They spend an hour in the unit each day and then they are in the classroom for the day.

I totally appreciate that both children have many challenges and it must be very hard for them too but my child is coming home each day saying that X has hit her hard on her back, been kicked, pushed. Each day I have been to the teacher as my child is getting more distressed and frightened. The teacher has been putting more measures in place to help the boys but I have also a meeting with the Head tomorrow to voice my concerns.

Today one of the boys kicked the dinner lady and will spend time in the unit for this but then he will inevitably be back in the classroom next week. This is also disruptive to the children learning as there is more noise and general disruption due to them struggling to concentrate. AIBU to consider moving my dd out of this school?

Disabled children ARE mainstream children, part of society, part of life

That doesn't make it fair on them, or their peers, to subject them to an environment that makes them angry, aggressive, scared and overwhelmed to a point where they physically assault people around them and endanger other children.

How is it insulting to say they have needs?

Anyway it sounds more like bad parenting in this case. If the parent supported the school on discipline instead of encouraging the child to kick people if he didn't get his own way, I reckon he would be better behaved, autism or no.

My autistic daughter has a strong sense of right and wrong as was really upset having another autistic like this in her class. You need to complain every time he behaves like this.

Autistic individuals are first and foremost people and as you’ve highlighted at least part of his issues are due to poor parenting.

Most private schools do not accept children with challenging behaviour. They are not better at dealing with it - they don't have to deal with it.

The school are not necessarily doing a bad job. They may be doing the best they can with the staff and funds they have. However you wouldn't be unreasonable to move her but you could well have the same situation this year or the next. One child can have a huge impact on a class.

Most schools simply do not have the funds to properly make mainstream work for some children. The attitude of the parent is v sad. The child is not having their needs met but here in the real world rather than the idealistic 'what it should be world' it is also down to the parent to push for a specialist placement that can meet his needs.

So staff are kicked by the parents

Are they prosecuted

The private schools don’t admit anyone with additional needs. That’s how they manage it.

I don’t think anyone should have to put up with being hurt or scared at school or work. To be honest disabled children are FAR more likely to be the victims of aggression than the perpetrators. You may feel it is the average able child who has drawn the short straw but that’s very far from the truth.

I'm sorry that your daughter hasn't got something like this available to her. While this thread is talking about how hard on other kids/staff when (some) autistic kids are put into mainstream, it can also be really hard on the autistic kid too. :(

That's about the size of it, yes. It's not fair, but life isn't.

It's not the fault of the parents who can afford private schools, that a lot of state schools are not equipped to deal with unruly children. It's the fault of successive governments.

Money buys you better food, better houses, better education, better healthcare.

You wouldn't say that people who can afford a luxury car should buy an old banger, just because not everyone can afford the better car. It works the same way in education.

This is the issues in schools. There isn't enough specialist schools, so children with additional needs are being put in mainstream. Some do well, others it's too much. It's not fair on either child. The main issue is the government and lack of funding

It absolutely should not work that way in education though, should it.

All children should be able to have the best education, regardless of the money their parents have.

My ds has complex sn's stemming from trauma.

He had a child in his class with autism who had violent outbursts and attacked him and said racist things.

His parents were lovely people, horrified by his behavior and racist comments, but didn't want to move him schools.

As nice as they were it irritated me to no end that my ds and the other kids and teachers were supposed to suffer so her child could remain in the same school.

Eventually he attacked a teacher badly ( we are talking grade 4) and the school finally had enough documents to force them to switch schools.

I'm in Ontario ( Canada) and they make it very very hard to expel students.

At the end of the day it's not fair to anyone including the student with sn's to be in that situation.

To be I was very neutral about banning private schools or raising taxes on them but that sort of attitude makes me think "fuck it, hope you have to cope with massive fee increases".

Of course she was. She doesn't go to work to get kicked, thumped or smacked. And your child is there to learn, not to live in fear of being injured. I'd be furious OP. What are schools coming to?

No of course it shouldn't, but that's the way it does work at the moment unfortunately, and it's been that way for a long time.

If you can afford to give your child a better education, why on earth wouldn't you?

You could say the same about healthcare, surely? Everyone should have access to the best healthcare regardless of money. But we all know that's not true.

You can wait for years for a hip operation, or you can pay an eye watering amount of money and have it done next week. (I seem to remember that the late Queen Mother had her hip operation the next day or thereabouts).

Why not, 'all children should have access to a healthy diet, regardless of parental income.'

We all know that doesn't happen either.

As I said, life isn't fair. It never was and it never will be.

Tolerance of violence in schools has to stop. Children and school staff should not be repeatedly hurt by the same child over and over again. There is a right to education but that should not trump the right to not be hurt!

It shouldnt but it does ,even leaving private schools out of it
Some schools are excellent and some are awful and all those in between

I agree, there’s no place for violence in schools, no matter what the reason.

My child has very complex needs and has always gone to a special school
However there will be some children that are not coping in mainstream due to their needs ,but there is no specialist place for them
Yes violence shouldnt be tolerateed but a child still has a right to an education.

I'm parent to a ASD kid who hits out. There is no point moving your child the current policy is 'inclusion' and forcing kids who can't handle mainstream school into those school regardless of the effects on the SEND kids or the non send kids.

What send schools there are are over subscribed. There are just no places for the number of kids who need them.

I refused to send my kid to school once he started hurting others. Many parents don't have that option. They feel guilty after it's not fair on them the kids they hurt or the staff trying to manage it and teach at the same time.

If you care look up SEND reform. Keep on at the school yes as without proof the kids are negatively impacting the learning of others they can't do anything about moving the kids. but this isn't the schools fault. It's the government. No funding or support available for these kids. SEND parents have been making noise for years but no one listens. We need the parents of non SEND kids to make noise too

x2boys · Today 22:10

Caffeinequeen91 · Today 22:03

Tolerance of violence in schools has to stop. Children and school staff should not be repeatedly hurt by the same child over and over again. There is a right to education but that should not trump the right to not be hurt!
My child has very complex needs and has always gone to a special school
However there will be some children that are not coping in mainstream due to their needs ,but there is no specialist place for them
Yes violence shouldnt be tolerateed but a child still has a right to an education.

That right to an education should be secondary to a child's right to safety from harm though surely?

@Strangerfings1 yes I believe it should be. The right not to be subjected to violence should come above all else. There is nothing to say anyone has the right to violently assault another human being in a school classroom as they have a right to education.

As i said my child,s needs are being met
But there are many children that are not getting their needs met
I dont know,what the answer
But fundamentally all children are entitled to an educatiion.