Child hitting my child at school

[ShepherdMoons]

Youngest dd has two new children in her class. Both have ASD and should be in specialist provision but the school has a new unit and is part of a new programme to help children with special needs be in a mainstream classroom. They spend an hour in the unit each day and then they are in the classroom for the day.

I totally appreciate that both children have many challenges and it must be very hard for them too but my child is coming home each day saying that X has hit her hard on her back, been kicked, pushed. Each day I have been to the teacher as my child is getting more distressed and frightened. The teacher has been putting more measures in place to help the boys but I have also a meeting with the Head tomorrow to voice my concerns.

Today one of the boys kicked the dinner lady and will spend time in the unit for this but then he will inevitably be back in the classroom next week. This is also disruptive to the children learning as there is more noise and general disruption due to them struggling to concentrate. AIBU to consider moving my dd out of this school?

Um, what? If TAs aren’t allowed to tell their mates details of other people’s education and medical diagnoses then they will all leave? Seriously?!

Most adults are able to say ‘a child did X today’ to someone that a) doesn’t personally know the children she works with and b)doing it without giving confidential information about the child.

how do you think other professions manage?

There’s something wrong with your reading- the op clearly states that both the children in question have asd.

@Snippit
usually, these kids are in mainstream because Special school places are very expensive and the government and local authorities are shoving there kids galore into mainstream who really would benefit from a special school. There are also nowhere enough special school places about. It's the fault of the government who decided to throw disabled children under th bus in the name of saving money. HTH.

Totally agree, but nobody dares say it.

"It's the fault of the government who decided to throw disabled children under th bus in the name of saving money. HTH."
I mean, I'd argue they're throwing children in general under the bus TBH. Not just disabled ones. In the examples given on this thread there are no winners. All the kids are being screwed over.

No one is afraid to say that.

I don't think the issue here is purely down to this child's ASD. It's sounds more like a combination of ASD + terrible parenting by the description of the mother upthread.

If she's not supporting the school and using his diagnosis to excuse violent outbursts every time he doesn't get his own way (wanting something from the shed and not getting it is not and example of the school 'not meeting his needs') then the poor child has no chance. Not 'disabled enough' for specialist provision but born to lazy or uneducated parents not prepared to engage and help.

I really feel for him, to be honest, and others like him with some of the language on this thread. Everything's against him - his disability, the education system, the government, the gossipy school staff, his parents, everyone else's parents. Heartbreaking.

The vast majority of disabled children can and should be educated in a MS setting. One of the criteria for NOT being educated in MS is unreasonable impact on other’s education. This child doesn’t sound like he does impact the other’s education if he is adequately supported.

I have children with asd and one who did start off in mainstream. I am also a teacher. I say all this so people won't pile on to tell me I know nothing and I am bigoted etc etc.

Many children with asd are failing in mainstream schools or they are miserable. Inclusion is often just a name. This is not the fault of schools. A mainstream school is funded and set up on the basis of one teacher and approx 30 kids all doing the same thing with some tweaks and support for weaker learners. It does not have the facilities, skills or money to do the following:
Skilled TA support
Sensory areas
Deescalation work
Safe restraint
Small classes with an alternative curriculum
Quiet outdoor space for children
Bespoke curriculums where children can access learning through their special interests
Salt and OT integrated into individualised curriculum
Staff to run and staff social skills groups during lesson time

Many of the children discussed on these threads actually need some of these adaptations. Schools simply don't have the staff, budgets or facilties to provide them. Parents are annoyed and upset that their kids struggle. Parents are annoyed that their child suffers because X hits them or causes the classroom to be evacuated.

More children need specialist education. Parents need to be proactive in seeking it out. Parents of NT children need to show more understanding. Parents of children with asd need to recognise that the school is not being difficult they are balancing the needs of children with send with other children who also need calm, purposeful classrooms. Everyone should be pushing governments to stop pushing inclusion at the expense of specialist schools. I think every town should have a school for kids with asd. Not all kids need specialist but many do.

People need to vent, in an ideal world teachers/ dinner ladies wouldn't be dealing with any of this but when people are pushed to breaking point I'd rather they spoke to friends and family about it thean just bottling it up

Anyone who’s “pushed to breaking point” by being kicked by a small child shouldn’t be in school.

Anyone being paid minimum wage shouldn't be in a school having to put up with this shit on a regular basis.

Have you experience of working in education then?

I was responding to another poster who seemingly thinks it's fine for dinner ladies and TAs to be assaulted in school. Not sure why you brought up confidentiality.

I can tell you have no experience of this in schools. It is extremely stressful and emotionally draining dealing with a repeatedly violent unregulated child day in day out. The experience is enough to have made plenty of teachers and other school staff leave the profession.

There are a lot of children who kick, bite, scratch, push, and spit with no additional needs at all. Teachers, TAs, and other support workers deal with it just as bus drivers, nurses and librarians deal with unpleasantness in their jobs. It might be why they leave but I think it’s a bit of a reach to suggest inclusion is the root of that.

@TomeTome
Do you work in a school?

I was a teacher for many years. Every child who has ever hit, kicked, bit, scratched, threatened to stab me, thrown computers, chairs and tables at me (all of this also to other children) had unmet additional needs. I taught early years and ks1 in a mainstream school with a regular, medium socioeconomic intake. If you have not lived it you have no idea. Schools hide how bad it is because they don’t want parents to remove their children or complain to Ofsted. Schools are in competition with each other for bums on seats for funding. If you don’t work in a state school then you do not know how tiring, draining and stressful it is to have an unregulated child every day in a class with 29 other children.

you do not know how tiring, draining and stressful it is to have an unregulated child every day in a class with 29 other children. the individual was a dinner lady. Lots of children behave appallingly with no disability. Many disabled children are extremely well behaved. Anyone with any direct experience knows that.

All of our dinner staff are also our support staff in the classroom.

The point is no one should be physically hurt in their workplace regardless

And no child should be excluded from mainstream education because their TA was absent and the temporary support was inadequate.

I don’t think anyone has suggested that violence should be ignored or condoned.

I don’t think anyone has suggested that violence should be ignored or condoned.

You did, upthread.

Safeguarding includes your DC too. The school have to minimise, as much as possible harm coming to the children, so if there are children with issues meaning they are assaulting other children, the school by law, have to do something about it. My friends daughter was diagnosed with PTSD and was known for hitting other children at school, she was placed in isolation at playtime etc to minimise the risk to others.