Child hitting my child at school

[ShepherdMoons]

Youngest dd has two new children in her class. Both have ASD and should be in specialist provision but the school has a new unit and is part of a new programme to help children with special needs be in a mainstream classroom. They spend an hour in the unit each day and then they are in the classroom for the day.

I totally appreciate that both children have many challenges and it must be very hard for them too but my child is coming home each day saying that X has hit her hard on her back, been kicked, pushed. Each day I have been to the teacher as my child is getting more distressed and frightened. The teacher has been putting more measures in place to help the boys but I have also a meeting with the Head tomorrow to voice my concerns.

Today one of the boys kicked the dinner lady and will spend time in the unit for this but then he will inevitably be back in the classroom next week. This is also disruptive to the children learning as there is more noise and general disruption due to them struggling to concentrate. AIBU to consider moving my dd out of this school?

I think there needs to be another level of support in between a special unit and mainstream with enough spaces for all kids that would benefit from it. Having kids that don’t cope in mainstream is unfair on everyone. My son was having issues with a few violent kids in his class. I moved him to private. Was the best decision for him

I doubt it. Do explain.

The school also legally has to provide the disabled child with the appropriate education that they agreed to provide. They have to protect all the children, but not by disadvantaging the disabled one.

Which they can’t do because they don’t have the money, space, staff, resources, training or often the desire to do. So no one wins… and the disabled child and their parents get the blame.

I don't think I apportioned blame in my post 🤔 OPs child has the right to go to school and not be assaulted, regardless of why its happening.

So the outcome of this thread is go private if you don’t want your child exposed to violence on a regular basis. Great. 😖

I didn’t say you had specifically mentioned blame- my point was a general one about the how the narrative usually goes, not just this thread, or even just on mumsnet but in society in general.

It suits the powers that be because if everyone is busy blaming disabled children/their parents or teachers/schools, they aren’t creating pressure on them to change.

Public school won’t protect your child from violence. You must read or listen to the news occasionally. It’s practically a cliche. There are also a fairly high proportion of “quirky” children whatever anyone on MN says. People tend to find the money when they think their child needs a quieter place. It’s not the solution imo, but I guess it’s a choice. If the idea of your child sharing a classroom with disabled children is horrifying then you are free to try and find a school that segregates that way.

@TomeTome You are correct in saying that sending your child to a private school doesn’t mean the child won’t experience violence or disruption in class. But it certainly does mean it will happen less. I wish I had a better suggestion, because all kids deserve an equal and quality education. But I didn’t want to send my son into a class that was like a juvenile detention centre. He was missing out on an education because the class had to be evacuated most days due to behaviour problems. So yes I chose to essentially send my kid to a school that segregates disabled kids and kids with behavioural issues by managing some children out the school. I don’t have the ability to fix the issues in the classroom, but I can choose to not subject my child to it.

I hope they’re not using dd as a calming influence by seating her next to him.

I’d be telling the school they need to keep him separate to dd or you will call the police on the boy.

To be fair the boy’s mum sounds like a bit of a twat and should be blamed for her attitude to the dinner lady.

This is terrible- how old are the children?

What a hideous thing to say

Sitting in the same room as a disabled child is not like a juvenile detention centre. If you’d been educated and lived in an inclusive way you would know that. People fear what they don’t understand.

His class was like a detention centre. That’s how it was described by an sso who worked in the classroom. My son was miserable, he was constantly being hit, being instructed to hold a chair in front of his body to stay safe from a violent outburst. Having to follow a teacher around during breaks to stop being hurt when a child had an issue with him. Coming home with bruises and scratches. Once he left the school his personality changed. He was actually happy, and I had forgotten what a happy, funny little boy he was. Being in that class traumatised him. No kid should have to deal with that. So yes I vote for segregation. And my child also has a disability.

How is wanting a young girl not to be pushed, kicked and punched every day hideous?

The priority should be safety, and OP’s dd is clearly not safe. Nor are staff, but they are better able to protect themselves.

Funny how you didn’t find the boy’s mum saying ‘he should have kicked her harder’ hideous.

The issue is not the OP, it’s the adults around him, including the school, allowing this to happen repeatedly. But that doesn’t mean OP’s dd should be sacrificed.

It sounds like it’s the mum doing the gossiping. Which I agree is an odd choice on her part.

I blame all those who keep voting for a government who won't fund SEND education. Or don't want to pay taxes to fund education generally.

This thread is vile. The language and analogies used by some posters directed towards children with disabilities who display challenging behaviours because of often unmet need is staggering. Very surprised that so many posts are allowed to stand.

Properly funded SEND education is everyone's business, and not just in the interest of those having children with disabilities. Lack of funding will not only impact those who need extra support, but also those who are negatively affected by the lack of support of those in need. The solution is not creating a gulag where we dump the undesirables so that the cherubs with no support needs are negatively impacted.

I did say the mum was vile, scroll down and read my previous post.

It's hideous to say you'd call the police on a disabled little boy, imo. Maybe that's just my feelings on it though...

I disagree
I have a child with complex disabilities who.has always been in a special school.
He currently goes a secondary school for children with severe and profound learning disabilities as you can imagine many of these children have challenging behaviour my son included
The staff that work in his school.go.into the job with their eyes wide open ,they know the challenges they are going to face and Choose to.work in that environment that's not the same as choosing to work in mainstream its not the fault of the children but its not staffs fault either .

We can disagree @x2boys but my position would always be that disabled people ARE mainstream and particularly in early primary to be expected in your classroom, non disabled violet children will be there too.

It's unlikely that violence is a one off incidence. It's very likely that a member of support staff will have to put up with regular acts of violence throughout the day, every day. So when they are pushed over the edge by a kick it's likely they've reached breaking point.

OP hasn’t said what age he is but he is hurting people, so why the ‘small child’?

He needs to be managed so that he doesn’t hurt anyone.

Staff and kids aren’t collateral damage for him.

You see people as dispensable, which I think is a horrible attitude.

Stating they shouldn't be in school if pushed over the edge by a kick is unhelpful and offensive.

This 100%.

Society is made up of a lot of different people, not just people 'like you', or people you like. Learning that starts at school.

That said, as a parent of a young DS who spent his first few weeks of reception being physically hurt by two boys (one with SEN and one just from a terrible family with a mum who shouts at him all the time), the school system needs a complete overhaul to keep every child safe.

The vitriol directed at this particular boy on this thread is awful to read though. Grown adults saying they'd call the police on him! And suggesting no-one likes him. Imagine being a parent of a child with additional needs reading that! It could've been you, count yourself lucky your kid is what you all call 'mainstream', and even luckier if you have cash to throw at the problem via private school (one of the most damaging institutions we have).

Kindness costs nothing.