Child hitting my child at school

[ShepherdMoons]

Youngest dd has two new children in her class. Both have ASD and should be in specialist provision but the school has a new unit and is part of a new programme to help children with special needs be in a mainstream classroom. They spend an hour in the unit each day and then they are in the classroom for the day.

I totally appreciate that both children have many challenges and it must be very hard for them too but my child is coming home each day saying that X has hit her hard on her back, been kicked, pushed. Each day I have been to the teacher as my child is getting more distressed and frightened. The teacher has been putting more measures in place to help the boys but I have also a meeting with the Head tomorrow to voice my concerns.

Today one of the boys kicked the dinner lady and will spend time in the unit for this but then he will inevitably be back in the classroom next week. This is also disruptive to the children learning as there is more noise and general disruption due to them struggling to concentrate. AIBU to consider moving my dd out of this school?

Did things improve for your ds at the school Sunshine

@Sherrystrull It’s factual rather than unhelpful or offensive. People who care for people who may be vulnerable or challenging have to be very mindful of their own capacity. It is absolutely fundamental that if you cannot cope you remove yourself you certainly don’t break confidentiality to “muddle through”.

@wesurecouldstandgladioli

He needs to be managed so that he doesn’t hurt anyone.. I would say his needs should be met so he doesn’t hurt anyone.

Yes! His teacher and the school more broadly were amazing and it was stopped as soon as they figured out what was going on.

I don't know the ins and outs of the situation with the other boys involved (confidentiality and all that) but the parents of the boy with SEN actually bought in a letter of apology 'from their son' and sweets for my DS the day after they were called in about it.

The awful mother of the other one didn't, of course, and carried on screeching at her child in the playground. My son still plays with him, despite my trying to encourage other friendships. I'm confident in time he'll learn how to play well and who to play with, part of social development.

By that I don't mean violence, I mean associating with lots of different kids from lots of different backgrounds.

@TomeTome

With respect, that's rubbish. How does anyone know their breaking point until they get to it?

Maybe I should stop being a teacher as at some point I might reach breaking point.

Of course you should stop ANY job if you can’t keep yourself or others safe.

It’s the school’s job to help keep employees safe. You don’t appear to give a shit about them.

Do you work in schools?

I can't guarantee I can keep myself or my class safe. I try my damnedest but can't guarantee it.

I don't think there would be any staff if they didn't vent their frustrations

What on Earth are you talking about? Nothing I have posted has suggested I don’t “give a shit” about teachers or any other school employees. I’m not sure what you think this discussion is about? We were talking about an employee gossiping about disabled children in her school with her friends. It was suggested that she NEEDED to do this because she was so close to breaking point. In reality if you felt so stressed by your job that you were unable to cope with going to work without breaking confidentiality as a pressure release valve you really shouldn’t be doing that job, or you need to find other ways to cope. The answer can’t be that if a child has a disability or other situation (Eg bereavement, abuse, poverty, or relationship breakdown) that causes them to behave in a more challenging way then we just let everyone have a good old gossip about them.

Yes but just like the pp who was a social worker they need to find appropriate ways of doing that.

Yes definitely

My son has severe autism and we had this issue at school with him hitting, biting, pushing other children. I was so upset every time he hurt a child. He had a full 1:1 TA. The trouble was every time he did it he got sent home and it didn’t take long before he figured out that when he did that I turned up to take him home. One day after picking him up I told the head he wouldn’t be coming back until they put measures in place to support him properly in the classroom and prevent other children being hurt. I called am emergency EHCP review and the head admitted they couldn’t met his needs and 3 weeks later he moved to a specialist provision. It’s really hard as there aren’t the places in specialist provision for all the children that need it.

Saying the child should just be sent home or to some other school is treating him as dispensable to the school community too, but no one seems to have a problem with that.

Of course no one would have a problem with sending a kid away that repeatedly hurts other children. It’s what every parent in the class and the teacher will want, unfortunately inclusion pushes these types of children into mainstream where they can’t cope. Good for the parents and school taking action to ‘dispense’ them.

What absolute rubbish. Not everyone thinks like you at all. If they did we would still be leaving disabled children out in the woods to die, killing them or locking them up in hell holes. Most children who are violent can be helped within their communities to not need to display that behaviour.

But they need to understand and adapt to society. They can't bully their way through.

I think you’ll find that the “bullying” is so much the other way that disabled people have additional rights as do other protected groups.

Yeah that's true. I remember having a midday assistant as a TA a few times in primary school😆

Hi looking for advice my daughter is in s1 only from the start she became pals with a girl after a few arguement I told mine to keep away since then I’ve been on the phone to school every week near enough about her saying stuff to her name calling ect , then Thurs there my daughter was walking to the toilet and this wee fkr punched her right in the eye she has bruise ! She never told anyone and covered it with make up till the weekend I seen it she finally told me the story so I’ve sat stewing all weekend wanting to go to the mothers door and give her more than a black eye ! as I’m sick of her it’s now escalated
But I decided nah go down the right road so went in for a meeting they have a police within the school she was there . Firstly was told for any charge needs to be two pieces of evidence and because she wasn’t there prob won’t go down that road even though there’s a history and my wean has a black eye ! Then the head comes in all up herself about how good her school is she asked what I wanted I told her I wanted said girl to be punished properly as in excluded so mine can get peace for atleast a couple of days she said I don’t think we will so I lost it quoted Girfec article 19 child has the right to feel safe from violence then she said she had to investigate and would call me my daughter was at the meeting and told the teacher she doesn’t feel safe she was trying to pressure her into goin back into school I just nipped it in the bud and said she won’t be back until you deal with this girl and can assure me she will be safe at all time and what can they put in place to stop this bullying left the meeting police phoned me and said basically they will investigate but she has put in a concern for child for in about other girl feel like I’m banging my head this girl doesn’t have the the best of parents and I reported concerns about the state of their house and she’s hardly in school so the way they are acting is to brush it off without taking it serious sorry to ramble just to see if anyone has any advice on this ? I am not sending my child back to school but they will phone social on me it’s absolutely laughable I just feel like dealing with it threw me goin to see the mother 🤜

@Mumto3xox I’d start a new thread to ask about that.