Child hitting my child at school

[ShepherdMoons]

Youngest dd has two new children in her class. Both have ASD and should be in specialist provision but the school has a new unit and is part of a new programme to help children with special needs be in a mainstream classroom. They spend an hour in the unit each day and then they are in the classroom for the day.

I totally appreciate that both children have many challenges and it must be very hard for them too but my child is coming home each day saying that X has hit her hard on her back, been kicked, pushed. Each day I have been to the teacher as my child is getting more distressed and frightened. The teacher has been putting more measures in place to help the boys but I have also a meeting with the Head tomorrow to voice my concerns.

Today one of the boys kicked the dinner lady and will spend time in the unit for this but then he will inevitably be back in the classroom next week. This is also disruptive to the children learning as there is more noise and general disruption due to them struggling to concentrate. AIBU to consider moving my dd out of this school?

This is why we're moving DS to a private school next year sadly. DD will follow later. Disruption in both of their classrooms seems endemic at the moment and this is in a 'good school'. Over the years the catchment has widened due to over-crowding in other local schools and frustratingly this has brought issues with it.

I think it’s clear there isn’t a solution at the moment.But we have to stop shrugging and accepting violence in our schools because of someone’s right to education. If we start from not tolerating violence and accepting that schools will have to exclude if there is repeated violence then the local authorities will have to step up to their legal obligation to provide a suitable education. While we shrug and let violent children remain in provision that is not suitable for them we are doing no one any favours. Schools are under a lot of pressure not to exclude. That only serves the interests of local authorities and government. It does not serve the interests of any of the children. We need to see exclusion as a protest against inadequate provision. No one is blaming the children at the heart of this. But the fear and reality of violence should not be carried by other children either.

@ShepherdMoons only because I’m curious but you said his normal support worker is absent and that she is “very good with him” or something similar. Do you mean he isn’t violent when she’s there? Has she been replaced or are school just managing without?

This is so shit for everyone involved.

The point of inclusion was partly to ensure sen children are seen as equal and valued alongside NT children - underfunding means nt children will grow up thinking people with Sen are violent and chaotic a lot of the time. Exactly the opposite of the point.

@TomeTome he's definitely better with the regular support assistant. She seems to know when he's feeling upset and is very experienced in her job. It's a relatively small school so I think people probably know more than in a bigger school so sorry if this sounds like gossip. It isn't, we are trying to support the staff as much as we can as parents because we know it's difficult for them too.

His regular support assistant also has responsibility for some other things such as after school care, etc. She's looked very stressed for a long time and is off sick at the moment.

I totally understand that these children aren't having their needs met in our school but it's terrible for the other children and staff. It's affecting my health because I'm worried about sending dd in but we want her to have a good education. As the school is undersubscribed it's likely there will be more children admitted to the unit to ease the pressure on the LA providing places to SEND children. Where are the resources though? That part hasn't been considered.

@Caffeinequeen91 this is so true. Part of this arrangement between LAs and schools is that schools will be seen in a more favourable light by offering this unit and more places to children who should be in a specialist provision. The other aspect of this is the large amount of funding that comes with the place and goes to the school. There doesn't appear to be much more support in place for the children though.

If the child was fine with support and now isn’t without then it’s very obvious that he can be educated without a specialist school. Your complaint/meeting can provide evidence for that.

my opinion is that EVERY child who can succeed in a mainstream setting should be there and that it is better for ALL of us if they are.

@TomeTome he was still struggling with the usual support assistant but by better I mean that he wasn't hitting or overturning the furniture as much. She was also very good at supporting the other children as they found it distressing.

Current situation is they've had other members of staff who are less experienced helping out and it's been disasterous. Also supply teachers who are different each time.

It isn’t better for the children getting attacked though is it. The main priority at the moment should be ensuring OPs DC isn’t hurt again. That should be the overriding priority whilst everything else is being sorted out.

I can tell that this isn’t being managed properly because the ‘unit’, which is supposed to be there so the school can meet the disabled child’s needs and support their education, is being used as punishment instead.

But not getting some equipment out for him isn't "unmet needs" that's "giving him whatever he wants."
True.

This is very true.

I have a child with autism (pda), severe adhd, dyslexia and dyspraxia- he can not learn in a mainstream school. Not because he is violent or disruptive (he freezes in situations where he is frightened so is no problem in a classroom, he will sit frozen in terror or crying silently at his desk all day, so the teachers can ignore him and teach the other kids).

He can’t cope with the NT kids noise, sillyness, playground politics, not following rules, the teachers shouting at the kids, the teachers chopping and changing, getting changed in front of people in the classroom or people getting changed in front of him (he knows about underwear/certain body parts being private and doesn’t understand why this doesn’t apply to pe lessons), children pointing out and watching when he stims (like he is a monkey in a zoo) etc etc.

People like to have a narrative where poor NT children are the victims of violent ND disabled children, but the truth is that the situation suits no on- my son has been hurt by other ND kids who have been dumped into the class without support, mainstream teachers don’t have the knowledge or experience (and often don’t have the will) to deal with that much complexity so their attitude and teaching methods can be very damaging to disabled children, and many of the children are too young or simply haven’t been taught to understand that disabled children can be ‘odd’ but that that’s ok.

It's the boy's mother who was saying what happened (and saying her son should have kicked the upset, injured dinner lady harder.)

I’m not sure what you mean by he was still struggling? Do you mean he was still disabled and unable to pass as non disabled? I think if the other children can get on and his ta is proactively supporting the inclusion then that’s ideal surely?

If the child was succeeding they wouldn’t be being attacked though would they? They’d be seeing a disabled child adequately supported and not attacking them, they might even like him.

I think that could be true but it could also be that this child can’t cope without the equipment. Eg he always sits with a ball in the corner rolling it back and forth during lunch break to calm himself. No ball, no calm, afternoon lessons looming.
We don’t know but many autistics rely heavily on routine to cope with the other demands on their time.

Sorry you don't like it but it happens. Moral backbone indeed, get a grip. You're the one who obviously doesn't see an issue with violent and disruptive children in mainstream schools.

I have a firm “grip” on the situation and I am passionate about all our children receiving the education they deserve. You are being ridiculous to suggest that I would advocate for disabled children to be so unsupported in school they are violent. Frankly just because you gossip about the disabled children in your local schools doesn’t mean the rest of us do or feel it’s ok. It’s gross and unkind and the employee should be disciplined.

I'd be livid if I was injured by a dc.

That’s not the current situation though is it, children are being attacked and that needs to stop right now. It should not be tolerated in schools no matter what the situation is.

If a child is violent they should not be in mainstream school. I'm not saying those children should not be supported, but I don't think this should be at the detriment of the majority. I never said it was right for the TA to discuss situations I said it happens, like it or not. It's funny how you think I sit round gossiping about disabled kids though, when all I said is I know things I probably shouldn't.

This kind of crap is why we are spending all extra money we have on private school. "Inclusion" isn't working and these children should be at home or at a special school. A whole generation of children are being failed due to inclusion. Do I feel sorry for the children with SEN? Yes... Should their inclusion be at the detriment to the other 28 children and teachers well being? Absolutely NOT!

If you know things you shouldn’t, then presumably that’s because you were part of a conversation that shouldn’t have been happening, or you shouldn’t have been part of.

You are responsible for that- you didn’t just ‘know things you shouldn’t’ by some sort of osmosis.

Yes definitely need separate units or specialist school places

Not fair on the other pupils

Should be at home? How would that work then? Are the parents of disabled children an ongoing font of money, time and resources so we can all home educate our children?