Child hitting my child at school

[ShepherdMoons]

Youngest dd has two new children in her class. Both have ASD and should be in specialist provision but the school has a new unit and is part of a new programme to help children with special needs be in a mainstream classroom. They spend an hour in the unit each day and then they are in the classroom for the day.

I totally appreciate that both children have many challenges and it must be very hard for them too but my child is coming home each day saying that X has hit her hard on her back, been kicked, pushed. Each day I have been to the teacher as my child is getting more distressed and frightened. The teacher has been putting more measures in place to help the boys but I have also a meeting with the Head tomorrow to voice my concerns.

Today one of the boys kicked the dinner lady and will spend time in the unit for this but then he will inevitably be back in the classroom next week. This is also disruptive to the children learning as there is more noise and general disruption due to them struggling to concentrate. AIBU to consider moving my dd out of this school?

What is the answer then?

By the way as a parent to a sen child who is frequently disruptive in class I do agree that all children have a right to an education that is free from violence.
Unfortunately the government don't care, I feel for all the children and staff! And the parents who have to fight day in and day out!

Don't be angry at the kid, be angry at a shitty, underfunded school system that is totally failing our SEN children and shitting on neurotypical kids while doing so.

Well, because you shouldn’t be talking about the children - things like this are on a need to know basis.

We have a similar situation at our school. There is a child in my DCs year 4 class who regularly has violent outbursts. So far my child hasn't been at the receiving end but many others have. And they all miss out on a lot of education (and often have to skip PE) because their poor teacher is constantly firefighting. It's awful.
I don't know what the answer is either but it's not having that child in that class with no support. It's not fair an anyone. Particularly not the kids who get hurt.

What would the solution be if someone was assaulting other patients on a hospital ward? Would we say they have a right to healthcare and let it continue? Or would we say they have a right to healthcare but that shouldn’t be happening in a ward with others getting harmed so it’ll have to happen elsewhere?

Why is it different when it comes to children in primary schools?

I fully agree that all children have a right to attend school without violence. You are directing your anger at the wrong place though. The forced integration of kids that can't cope with mainstream and lack of suitable places for those with additional needs is the issue. I can see my eldest having nonviolent meltdowns in class that would disrupt the class around him, because it's not a suitable environment for him. It's not fair on him or the other 29 kids in the class. There is nowhere different for him to go though, other than private, which we can't afford, or massively oversubscribed special schools that teach functional skills.

All children are entitled to an education. Having SEN children in mainstream schools were they can not cope does not offer this. Dropping a child at a school is not providing them with an education. Often it means the child does not receive an education orcare that meets their needs or deserves, and it stops the others in the class having their needs met and receiving the education they deserve.
The system is broken.

I left teaching 3 years ago after being continually assaulted in the classroom. I was spat on, kicked, bitten, nipped, had my hair pulled, my fingers bent back and the straw the broke the camels back was being bitten so badly on my face that it has left me with scars. This was in the space of two terms, it broke me.

I totally appreciate a child’s right to be educated, every child has that right but not at the detriment to another 23 children in the class, the class teacher and a learning assistant. The child was so disregulated we ended up having a piece of red card that we held up and the rest of the children in the class knew to go out the door and stand in a line outside when tables were being upturned, books ripped water bottles thrown around and staff attacked. The children were 4/5 years old.

The SMT were almost living in the classroom with us some days, I had support, the child had support, however, nothing we did could calm him, there were no triggers, there was absolutely nothing we could do to de escalate the situation as it happened so fast and believe me we tried everything.

Two weeks into the first term I had children terrified to come to school. I was peeling these children off parents legs trying to reassure them school was a fun place to be when in reality I was counting down the minutes from when I closed the door to when I’d have to hold that red card up.

Specialist school places are scarce, assessments are taking years, meanwhile school staff struggle on, day after day after day.

My advice @ShepherdMoons if you can afford it get your child into a private school.

It’s very hard and I understand completely. I work in a primary with several chn as you describe. Chn with severe behaviour/ mental health issues are in mainstream schools as there just aren’t the places for them in special schools. My school doesn’t have the resources to support these chn apart from a poorly paid TA that gets punched and kicked daily. Parents insist on them staying at our school despite there being bigger schools with SEN units. You can’t insist that parents move them. We often have to evacuate the rest of the class to avoid a flying chair. This is education right now.

It depends what type of ward ,when I worked in acute mental.health and dementia wards.there was sometimes aggressive behaviour ,but due to a patients mental state and there was training given to.deal.with that
Even on a genera ward l I guess it would depend on wether the patient has capacity or not as tp.what extent the behaviour would be tolerated
Children are different to adults because they are children
Nobody is saying that this is right ,just that there isn't always a simple answer .

My son is ASD, however I wouldn't accept him doing this. We have a lot of conversations about kind hands and ensure he is supported by the school.
Your child shouldn't be going through this at all, he is entitled to support and help also.
I hope you manage to get this sorted, unfortunately a lot of parents will not accept their child will do any wrong regardless of ASD.

My child with asd, is also non violent but I’m amazed you think so much of the blame for this lies with the parents. It’s a shocking level of ignorance of your own child’s diagnosis.

The consensus seems to be that children who are violent can’t be managed in mainstream school. If that’s the case where do you suggest they go? Everyone seems very happy to deprive them of any chance of an education. If you want it to be different surely you have to understand that the money given for their support in school will have to be increased and go with them to wherever they are being educated. You may have to accept that your own children’s education will have to be provided with even less funding.

Tbf, the Op said the mother of the child was encouraging the behaviour
ASD is vey complex as im.sure you know , my child is very challenging ,but he has very complex needs and is non verbal ,and thankfully in a special school.that can meet his needs
But sometimes even cognitively very able children with ASD cannot cope in mainstream schools and it's not fair to everyone but especially them that their needs are not being met.

Yes you can move them but education in this country is broken. We have 5 children in my school that have been assessed as being not suitable for mainstream school yet there is no where for them to go. One 5 year old girl recently broke the toe of a 6ft 4 adult man. Move your child if you want but you will find the same everywhere.

There is no funding for specialist provision and even less funding for support in schools.

What a disgraceful thing to say, that he should have kicked the already upset TA harder.

im not sure how old these children are but it’s really unusual for other parents to know quite so much about another child’s experience in school or for staff to be so upset about a small child kicking them.

True but I have noticed a lot of threads about " violent "children with ASD recently and this is mums net so....

This. My friend wanted to send her autistic son to private school and was refused.

Parents talk and like it or not so do teachers and TAs. I have a friend who's a TA and know a lot of stuff I probably shouldn't.

You’d be shocked at the bruises I have from working with high needs children. There is no provision, there is no support, there is no money. I’m handing in my notice today.

There is not much point moving unless you are going to go private as all schools are like this. It's a difficult situation because these things happen in the blink of an eye and so the teacher cannot see or anticipate everything. Even if the parent wanted it, specialist places are few and far between. But definitely voice your concerns as all children deserve to be happy in the classroom.

Are you genuinely ok with that? Do you think your Dr, therapist, pharmacist, priest, bank, work HR etc should behave in the same way? Honestly grow a moral backbone and tell your friend to stop.

this may be true in your friends particular case but is definitely not true across the board.

That may be true of some but it's not true of most. This comment is incredibly ignorant. I've worked with kids for 20 years, even specialised a bit in SEND. I have given my life up to support my child and because he's violent I don't send him to school. Instead the tax payers have to fund me on benefits because the education system is so broken. This absolutely is not the result of my parenting. It's because a class it too loud and to overstimulating for my child.

Your comment is just so ignorant and upsetting. It's bad enough parents of non send kids judge but honestly if you had learned about autism you should understand.

When you meet the head focus on your daughter and how they can help her. Do not focus on the other child and what they are doing with him. Just continually bring it back to your child and how they can safeguard her and make her feel safe.