Nannies at the school gate

[Celticliving]

Inspired by the current 'school pick-up' thread.

AIBU to say that parents pretty much ignore the nannies at the gate?

25 years as a nanny and in my experience, parents won't talk to the nannies unless they want something (ie "can you be a darling and take Henrietta home from ballet" or "Could Rupert please come to you for a playdate on Thursday").

It's interesting now that I'm older because people are all friendly, assuming that I'm the parent, but as soon as I let them know that I'm the nanny, they don't want to know.

Obviously I'm not putting ALL parents into the same box (I do have a couple of very close 'Mum friends' from over the years) but that is generally my experience and the experience of all my nanny friends.

Are you a nanny or a parent? What's your experience?

My dd is way past school pick ups but I never came across any nannies there.

I'm a childminder and just get funny looks at how many kids are following me!

I have no experience of Rupert or Henrietta. It’s mainly Jayden, Kayden and Chelsee-Leigh where I live, so the Mums are usually gathered at the school gate vaping and trying to keep their staffie’s from scrapping with each other.

All the Nanny’s (Grandmas) usually chat to each other.

I'm a nanny and there are definitely parents like this, but also parents who are happy to chat/be friends. I find it a bit of a mix tbh. In general, the more 'money' the area is, the less friendly the parents are to the staff! If you work in a more mixed area, everyone tends to muck in together ime.

I don’t live somewhere where people generally have nannies - I know of one, but she was from somewhere abroad and spoke absolutely no English. A group of us parents did try initially in reception class to speak to her and invite her and the child to the park after school etc but it was pretty much impossible.

My experience of childminders though is that they all tended to congregate (having known each other for years) and talk together. I’ll make small talk with anyone on the playground, but generally I talk to and am friends with other parents. Beyond reception class parents on the playground tended to have fairly fixed groups. I don’t really think that’s a problem, it’s for about three minutes twice a day!

People shouldn’t be asking you for random favours though.

Are these state schools or private? Not that I’m making assumptions about private school parents but just in my state school experience I don’t think I ever met a Nanny at the school gates.

😂 I don’t know why I laughed at this comment so much especially seeing as my son’s name has been mentioned🫣 are you in SW London because I swear you’ve just described by younger sister’s primary school

I avoided everyone at the school gates.

I've never met any nannies at the school gate but I do chat to the childminders and I sometimes chat to the guy who does pick up for after school club. I'd chat to any willing adult at the end of a long day

In my experience the nannies didn't want to socialise, they picked up and left straight away.

I did meet one at playgroup once though who did enjoy socialising, she slagged the parents off so I didn't bother to get to know her.

I ignore pretty much everyone equally. I have no idea if some people are nannies. I assume so (not least as we have an after school nanny three days a week). The only people I'll chat to are the ones I know personally and that's more likely to be a parent because I know them from parties, social events etc.

I did this job before covid and do some freelance work too as a nanny. It was always assumed the kids were mine by a lot of the parents !

🤣🤣 this is my current experience at the school gate! Plus electric scooters ridden by parents!

We used to have a nanny (2 evenings a week) and the only awkward experience we had was when my son told me one day that one of his friends had said "your mum is so beautiful" and I was surprised but delighted and then he continued "oh he didn't mean you, he meant [nanny's name]". Pah.

I live in a monied area and tend to talk to the Nannies at pick up in preference to some of the parents, who look down on me :).

I have been the mum, cylinder and nanny at various points, I'm currently the children's home staff and we are avoided like the plague no one wants their kids to talk to the kids who live in the home!

Quite a few nannies at my son’s school gates. I talk to people at the school gate who are friendly, about the weather or other banal things, don’t tend to think too hard about their relationship to the child. Can’t stand gossipy cliquey Mums, but then I’m only there infrequently anyway and otherwise it’s after school club. One Nanny and I get on particularly well. Sometimes you might be friendly with a Mum as you’ve been to a parents’ drinks or something so are continuing a chat you had there, perhaps you know a bit more about them as a person from that event. As Nannies don’t go to those events it does mean the social circle is slightly different.

It’s probably more due to people investing more time into relationships with people at the same life stage.

Obviously ignoring people or only asking for favours is rude!

I think it depends on the school and area.

At my school, parents doing pickup don't have time to talk to each other let alone anyone else. I have no idea who's a nanny and who isn't, just like I have no idea who's a parent and who's a grandparent (in fact I've been surprised on this front twice in opposite ways but never said anything in either case). I only know one child has a nanny because her mum told me in the summer. I talk to adults at birthday parties, and I talk to adults I know from birthday parties, and that's about it as I'm usually focused on getting my children in on time and in the correct uniform with all the items they left the house with (coat, book bag, bottle etc). If I meet you at the park and you're minding the kids I'm not going to say, "sorry you're not the biological parent, I'm not talking to you."

I am surprised if you're in an affluent enough area that there are lots of nannies at pick up that the parents aren't chatting with you all when they can, to sort out playdates as I'd imagine kids with nannies are a lot easier to arrange playdates with through the nannies rather than via the parents who are never around and might have no idea of their child's schedule.

I don't move in Nannied circles.. but I would presume they weren't interested in becoming friends with parents at work, and would rather socialise away from their "workplace".

Obviously arranging playdates and parties for the children would be different.

A few nannies and au pairs at my DD’s old prep school. Personally I always chatted to them. I know what you mean though, some people were more reserved. I don’t think it was meant in a stand off-ish way tho, just some people are more chatty than others.

My old nanny had lots of friends among the mums and she’s also a friend of mine.

At DD’s prep school pre Covid it was about 50% Nannys (the paid staff kind, not grandma) and au pairs. Older nannys I would definitely talk too - usually they had been nannying for parents at the school for 10 yrs + and knew everything. The 22 year old Nannys not so much chat but usually because they were catching up with all the rest of the young nanny gang. Au pairs were a bit of a mixed bag, often didn’t speak much English and/ or were aloof (especially if French!) . I try to be friendly to everyone but I can see where you’re coming from OP.

Lucyccfc68 · Today 18:27
same in my area too lol 😂

No, I live in the NW of England.

Apologies for using your sons name (no offence intended). Glad you laughed though, it was intended as a joke. Absolutely no one where I live has a nanny. My mates think I’m a posh bitch because I have a cleaner 😂