DH always takes the best

[Grumpynan]

I know in the grander scheme of things this is mild but it’s really starting to get to me.

my late MIL was a very selfish nasty woman, she got worst over the years eventually when she died she had no friends and her sister didn’t like her. The only people at her funeral was me her son and our 3 children even her other son didn’t attend. I told him last night he is turning into her, her laughed it off and I did back down a little and soften it but I’m really worried he is !

when we were first married, 35 years ago, we shared everything, it was a thing people would comment on, if there was one cake he would cut it in half, if someone gave me chocolate I shared it.

now he always selects the best for him, the nicest chop, the biggest cookie. He’s always first into what ever is available no one else, even the grandkids gets a look in.

last night we had spaghetti bolognaise, I grated the Parmesan and commented that it was the last I had forgotten to get more, never mind he said there looks enough there. I sat down at the table to find he had poured 90% of it on his, about a portion size, when I commented he shrugged and said he didn’t think.

after dinner he called from the kitchen, he had seen the cupcakes I had made to take with me to friends today, oooh he said they look good, I commented that some looked better than others, but I’m getting better at piping and the girls won’t mind, yes he knew why I had made them. But when I went to watch tv later, he was sat there eating one, he had eaten 2 !, ok I had made a dozen and only needed 8, but he had picked the best looking ones leaving the rubbish ones for me to take.

im just getting fed up with it, feel I shouldn’t have to hid away stuff, especially when he knows what they are for

How Greedy! I couldn't put up with that. DH and I get into little lighthearted fights trying to give each other the best bit.

My brother in law is like this. At family events when everyone is dishing up he’s always first in line to get his share. I cooked hot chips once which were supposed to be for the kids. He was first in line and took about 1/4 of the hot chips there. He will also just take what he wants piled up and not care of that means someone misses out. Like if there is steaks enough for 1 each he will be first in line and take 2. With the chips there ended up not being enough for all the kids (there was about 8 kids there). Just seems selfish to me. I’d be mortified if dh behaved like that.

I think you need to start pulling him up on it.

I must admit I'm growing more selfish as I get older. After years of having the worst/burnt one/smallest/doing without I've just got fed up of it being expected.

I would pull him up on it as others have said, but I would also tell him what you've said here - that he used to share, and that was one of the things you loved about him. Followed by a pointed stare.

You need to counter this by taking the best bits before he can get to them.

Also read this thread

DH serves himself the best bits

Oh my goodness OP, this is exactly like my dad! It was a running joke in our family, because it was so blatant and annoyed us all so much. He was an only child and extremely spoilt growing up, so he never had to think of anyone else. My mum definitely put up with more than she should have.

Even now, he'll come and stay with us (we live abroad) and will eat our DC's food from the fridge, make a massive mess in the kitchen without cleaning up... he even lines up at the cafe and orders for himself and not for anyone else!

It's getting worse at he gets older. I honestly don't think he does it to be spiteful, he just doesn't think about anyone else's needs but his own.

Thankfully my DH is the opposite, and it the most caring, sharing, thoughtful person ever. I could never be with someone like my dad.

This is horrible behaviour OP and real slight on his character.

You should have swapped plates with him last night - he wouldn't have liked it and that would have been a good starting point for the fact that's how he made you feel.

Tell him he appears to have turned into his mother and it's deeply unattractive.

Call him out on it every time .Separate the cakes for taking to friends and home ones tell him he is acting like a toddler so needs to be treated like one .I would have to tell him how unattractive this is to me I'm afraid.
It could seem like a small thing to some but it's so miserable.
Has anything else changed in his personality,could be some very weird medical issue ,very unlikely but stranger things have occurred

Selfishness is the biggest turn off. He does it on purpose. No one is that dumb. I'm sorry you're living like that.

It’s rude but it’s also hurtful. I’d feel exactly the same as you do. Have you asked him why he’s changed so much and reminded him he used to care about your feelings?

Mine does this too 🥰 and I do it for him!

I'm another who couldn't stand this. Are there other things that he has started doing that show his selfish greed?

I'm afraid that I couldn't make a joke of it and I'd also take steps to be proactive rather than reactive with him: tell him straight 'keep your grabby hands off these cakes until I've packed some away' and 'don't take all the cheese, there's others here who like it too'

I had an ex like this, he would take the children's chocolate and eat the lot. One of the many reasons he is an ex.

Did DH recognise his mother's behaviour? Was his attitude 'that's just how she is', or was he the golden child and a mummy's boy and his mother could do no wrong? If he (and therefore you) went to her funeral but his brother didn't it seems like there was some sort of background dynamic that meant his brother saw her for what she was and DH didn't.

You need to nip this in the bud now. I take it from your OP that this behaviour is fairly recent, so it could get a lot worse. I'd be telling him that if he didn't shape up he'd always be able to have exactly what he wanted because he'll be living on his own. But his reaction to that is likely to be influenced by the question I posed at first - how did he feel about his mum's selfishness.

This 👏🏻 but I would use my hand!

Point it out every time he does. I'd be reminding him constantly that he is turning into his mother. "oh look (mothers name) has taken all the parmesan" "at least I won't have to put too much by for hosting your funeral as it'll be like your mother's" "easy there (mothers name) leave some for the rest of us" "once you're sorted (mothers name) that's the most important thing"

My husband is exactly the same, but he always has been. It's just greediness. A friend of ours pulled him up one evening about his rush to help himself to most of the rice on offer..he was a bit sheepish and said the same as your guy. Load of old rubbish. After that if we ate at their home he always made sure everyone else helped themselves first - even then he scooped up what was left so no one else had any second helpings.. he'll always tuck in at a restaurant if just meal arrives first..

Next time tell him, with a tinkly laugh, that you accidentally dropped the two best cupcakes on the floor next to the dogs feeding area and only left them on the plate temporarily to take a picture………..

How do you live with this? It would make me stabby. Completely disrespectful behaviour.

Unbelievably crass and rude @neilyoungismyhero don't you feel ashamed of the way he carries on?

That's sort of making it @neilyoungismyhero 's shame. She can't help the way he is, which is why her friend pulled HIM up on it.

Stop being nice and tell the selfish git that you are well and truly fed up with his greed. Don't back down or you will be allowing him to treat you like a lesser being. Say nothing and you are part of the problem.

@IncompleteSenten

Tell him he appears to have turned into his mother and it's deeply unattractive.

@Grumpynan
Yes Please do this and forever after call him by her name!!!

Men are selfish unless they are in the loved up honey moon period.