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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

DH always takes the best

206 replies

Grumpynan · 16/11/2023 11:17

I know in the grander scheme of things this is mild but it’s really starting to get to me.

my late MIL was a very selfish nasty woman, she got worst over the years eventually when she died she had no friends and her sister didn’t like her. The only people at her funeral was me her son and our 3 children even her other son didn’t attend. I told him last night he is turning into her, her laughed it off and I did back down a little and soften it but I’m really worried he is !

when we were first married, 35 years ago, we shared everything, it was a thing people would comment on, if there was one cake he would cut it in half, if someone gave me chocolate I shared it.

now he always selects the best for him, the nicest chop, the biggest cookie. He’s always first into what ever is available no one else, even the grandkids gets a look in.

last night we had spaghetti bolognaise, I grated the Parmesan and commented that it was the last I had forgotten to get more, never mind he said there looks enough there. I sat down at the table to find he had poured 90% of it on his, about a portion size, when I commented he shrugged and said he didn’t think.

after dinner he called from the kitchen, he had seen the cupcakes I had made to take with me to friends today, oooh he said they look good, I commented that some looked better than others, but I’m getting better at piping and the girls won’t mind, yes he knew why I had made them. But when I went to watch tv later, he was sat there eating one, he had eaten 2 !, ok I had made a dozen and only needed 8, but he had picked the best looking ones leaving the rubbish ones for me to take.

im just getting fed up with it, feel I shouldn’t have to hid away stuff, especially when he knows what they are for

OP posts:
MikeRafone · 16/11/2023 17:59

I would have swapped plates of spaghetti and left half if his portion was bigger than mine.

Start mentioning it

yes dear those are cakes ive made - let me come and sort the smallest most awful looking for you as we all know what your like for never leaving the best for anyone else

start calling hims selflish, tell him its his nickname as he so rude and selfish - when you stop we will call you kind

Loopytiles · 16/11/2023 18:05

His behaviour is indeed selfish, but it seems a big leap from the examples you give about him to the way your MIL ended up!

So unless there is more he’s done that’s bad you were U to say to him that he was like her/going down that road!

jlpth · 16/11/2023 18:05

I wouldn’t bring his mother’s name into it.

just say - there isn’t enough cheese left for me, I’ll take some off your plate - and scrape it off.

Mikimoto · 16/11/2023 18:30

Doctor, doctor - my husband is really cheesing me off!

mathanxiety · 16/11/2023 18:31

"Channeling your mother now, are you?"

Raincloudsonasunnyday · 16/11/2023 18:35

My DS was getting a bit "I'll take the biggest half" with his sister.

We instigated a "one of you cuts it in half, the other gets to pick which half they take" rule with him. It worked a treat.

LizzBurg · 16/11/2023 19:13

Remind him of how he used to be next time it happens. Have you given him the nicer portion when dishing up meals in the past and he’s just started considering it the norm? Dish yourself the nice slice from now on and sometimes share like you did in the past.

thorneyislanddoris · 16/11/2023 19:25

Mine is the same. I joke that if we were ever in a situation where food was scarce, he'd eat what he wanted and let me and DD go hungry.

MustWeDoThis · 17/11/2023 19:19

OP - Make more cupcakes and put chilli in the really good looking ones.

Cut up some lemons, dip them in chocolate and put them in the fridge. He'll never know when he bites into them.

He'll never take the best again. 😈

I'm quite petty- I had an Uncle who would constantly wind me up. One day he asked me to make him a cup of tea and wound me up while u did it, so I put salt in it instead of sugar.

Buffs · 17/11/2023 19:37

If this is a personality change then book a Gap appointment.

Pliudev · 17/11/2023 19:41

My DH is exactly the same and it was one of the first signs that he was developing dementia. If it's a change in behaviour I'd want to know why. Probably nothing to worry about OP but keep an eye on it.

Ilovecleaning · 17/11/2023 20:31

Man-child.

Ilovecleaning · 17/11/2023 20:32

…in fact, you could say ‘I am SICK of this man-child you’ve turned into’

MandEmummy · 17/11/2023 20:38

No thankyou. Just speak.to.him!

RichardsGear · 17/11/2023 20:49

QueenCoconut · 16/11/2023 13:22

Is he one of many siblings? I think someone already mentioned being one of three and how you can develop a habit to “fight” for your food. I’ve noticed the same in my stepchildren, they are always terrified there won’t be enough for them.

I've got three teenagers and they don't fight for food, in fact they'll say, for example about garlic bread, "How many bits each?" and I'll tell them to stop being lazy and work it out 😄. If there's a piece of something left and one wants it, they'll ask if anyone else wants it before taking. Being one of three (or more, I guess) doesn't necessarily lead to being a feral food hog.

RichardsGear · 17/11/2023 20:50

To clarify, they ask how many pieces each so they know how much to take, not because they're terrified there's not going to be enough food for them!

Daisybuttercup12345 · 17/11/2023 20:54

Densol57 · 16/11/2023 11:37

Id have dug my spoon into his dinner and scooped it all back !!
yep - turning into his vile mother

So would I.
Greedy and selfish . A bratty manchild.

cookie4640 · 17/11/2023 21:13

Call him out on it. Tell him he’s f ing selfish and it makes you dislike him. I wouldn’t take that from my husband, I’d tell him what I thought then serve him the shitest stuff every time. Man it annoys the hell out of me when I’m carving meat and he nicks the ends and the crispy bits before we can get a look in. Now I just stab at him with the carving fork, he soon fcks off 😊

Peachtails · 17/11/2023 21:15

I've only skimmed through, sorry if this has been already mentioned.

Is it just with food specifically? Is he comfort eating/ blood sugar issues/ depressed and relying on food for comfort? I think someone has mentioned a trip to the GP, might be a thought.

WellwellwellifitisntoldCaptainSlackbladder · 17/11/2023 21:26

My MIL does that kind of thing. Sounds small but at our DS’s christening there was a piece of his christening cake cut bigger than the rest and she said: ‘I know which one is mine’ and then took the biggest.

Oh and when it came to our DD’s school photo we went through all the options and she went for the one that was £85 on its own. In fairness, when I showed her the options I didn’t show her the prices but it was very obvious it would be expensive as the one she chose had the school name in calligraphy as well as other affectations…

mamamamamamamamamamachameleon · 17/11/2023 21:52

Glarptip · 16/11/2023 11:24

Tell him you want a man for a husband, not a little boy.

This

Anononony · 17/11/2023 22:11

My brother can be a bit like this, but he's got better since I called him out on it for taking multiple slices of the only pizza (out of 3, the other 2 were spicy-ish) that my 2 kids would eat and called him a fat bastard, now he just takes one slice of the one they like 😂

I don't think he'd eat special cakes or take the best looking of something though, I mean he might we don't eat together enough to know but I don't think he would be that selfish. I don't think the pizza incident was selfishness he just didn't think, but now he does!

bird87 · 17/11/2023 22:54

This made me lol,I would do the same

ChellyT · 17/11/2023 23:01

The grander scheme of things... Don't dismiss your feelings so easily as your husband does! This is your life at the moment and your narcissistic man child taking the piss without even giving it a second thought.

MrsRonaldWeasley · 17/11/2023 23:30

My ex BIL was like this. At any family function etc he was first at the buffet and piled his plate before anyone else got a look in. Was up for seconds before some others had even got any! It’s pathetic and selfish and embarrassing and for this and MANY other reasons I am so glad that he’s my EX brother in law!