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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I know I'm a humbug but help me please!!

198 replies

Ceci03 · 15/11/2023 14:45

So I don't get on that well with one of my colleagues at work and since an "incident" I really don't want to socialize with her. I managed to get out of the Xmas night out due to COL -actually only 4 people are going from our team of 10 so I'm not sticking out for that

But just got an invite from the managers that we are going on a trip to town- about 25min walk - to do "christmassy" things like get a hot choc or hot whiskey or ... and to look at Xmas lights.

I really don't want to go. It's from 3-5pm on a Tuesday. I just hate those things and walking down to the town is a pain. And then walking back up again at 5 I will be really late home. Not massive but I just don't want to.

Anyone think of a good excuse. I was thinking could I say I have a sore foot... or hide in the toilets til they go I don't know if they would even notice I wasn't there . Please help and dont be cross with me for being bah humbug

OP posts:
EmpressSoleil · 15/11/2023 14:49

Is there no colleague you do get on with? Can't you just walk with them? That's what I've done when I was in a similar situation before. As it's in work time, and not a big ask, I can't see how you can really say no. I also don't see how you'd be any later home unless you normally finish before 5? In which case, say you have commitments and need to leave on time.

Needmorelego · 15/11/2023 14:49

An afternoon trip into town to look at the lights would be great if you were a 3 year old at nursery - but you aren't.
Just say "no" and explain about how you would be leaving work late which you can't do.

Original poster
Ceci03 · 15/11/2023 14:51

Well it's just that the activity is planned 3-5 but I'd need to start walking back earliest 430. I guess I will have to suck it up. Maybe I'll hope for torrential rain so it will
Be called off. Yeh I can walk with others I guess.

OP posts:
MaliciaKeys · 15/11/2023 14:51

You’ve got another commitment that can’t be rescheduled, sorry about that because it sounds like fun.

Fingers crossed tightly behind your back obviously 😂

Original poster
Ceci03 · 15/11/2023 15:01

MaliciaKeys · 15/11/2023 14:51

You’ve got another commitment that can’t be rescheduled, sorry about that because it sounds like fun.

Fingers crossed tightly behind your back obviously 😂

But whatConfused
Why can't I walk down to the town during f work hours ShockSad

OP posts:
OhComeOnFFS · 15/11/2023 15:05

You've got a big blister on your foot, haven't you? You shouldn't walk a lot with that.

FrillyGoatFluff · 15/11/2023 15:06

You've kind of answered your own question there... why can't you walk down to town in work hours?

Just don't walk with the colleague you don't like, surely.

RicherThanYews · 15/11/2023 15:09

Infected ingrown toenail, you recently had it surgically removed and should not under ant circumstances be going for walkies without good reason. Cocoa and whiskey is not a good reason.

ChiefWiggumsBoy · 15/11/2023 16:48

Book a dentist or doctor appointment.

Or just say you'd rather not, you reserve the enjoyment of Christmas for family not colleagues.

God I hate being coerced into these forced fun shindigs. Luckily for me this year I'd already booked AL when they planned it so I can't go!

Original poster
Ceci03 · 16/11/2023 09:04

Any other ideas? Just don't wanna! Even this morning I was walking in and one of the managers walked extra fast past me and then in front of me without saying hi. Then when I came out of the lift she was coming down the corridor and just flew past me and didn't hold the door or anything . Im not being a snowflake it's really obvious she doesn't like me which is fine im a big girl but I don't wanna go out with these people . Ps she wasn't in a big hurry she's in the office now chatting wit the other managers and laughing

OP posts:
Oxomoco · 16/11/2023 09:09

Ceci03 · 16/11/2023 09:04

Any other ideas? Just don't wanna! Even this morning I was walking in and one of the managers walked extra fast past me and then in front of me without saying hi. Then when I came out of the lift she was coming down the corridor and just flew past me and didn't hold the door or anything . Im not being a snowflake it's really obvious she doesn't like me which is fine im a big girl but I don't wanna go out with these people . Ps she wasn't in a big hurry she's in the office now chatting wit the other managers and laughing

Is this a different person to the colleague you said you didn’t like in your OP, or the same one?

Original poster
Ceci03 · 16/11/2023 09:12

A different one. This is the manager who has been "off" with me since my first day and I have no idea why. Tbf I think I get on ok with everyone else- except the one who I had a run in with and she is ok to me I'm just very wary of her - the
Other are polite and friendly anyway

OP posts:
Sexlivesofthepotatomen · 16/11/2023 09:18

Can't you just say something along the lines of "I've got work to do/would rather stay in the warm/would rather shit in my hands and clap, but you go and have fun". Or if you can't be honest, could you say you were expecting an important call that you can't risk missing?

Offcom · 16/11/2023 09:19

Be delighted at the outing, go along with everyone and then when you want to skip out get a text about a ceiling leak from your downstairs neighbour, or a call about your dog slipping its leash, your mum twisting an ankle etc.

10HailMarys · 16/11/2023 09:20

This really sounds like you’re making a massive drama out of nothing. You’re not being asked to do anything outside work hours. You had a disagreement with a colleague, so what? You still need to be professional and polite during work hours. You don’t have to be their best mate but you have to be capable of being in a group, during working hours, at which they are also present. This really isn’t a big deal, it’s a minor nuisance.

If you don’t want to go, call in sick that day or invent a hospital appointment or a childcare emergency or something. It’s not complicated. It’s not like getting out of PE at school; you don’t need a note from your mum. You’re making a huge fuss over a really tiny thing but if you really can’t deal with a small inconvenience during work time, you don’t need to be begging strangers to invent an excuse for you. You’re not 12.

WeighDownOnMe · 16/11/2023 09:22

Why isolate yourself from the colleagues you do have good relationships though? Or use this as a way to improve the shit ones?

You're going to end up looking a bit silly if you pull out a threadbare excuse to not go, and everyone else goes off to have a lovely time together.

piscofrisco · 16/11/2023 09:24

It's two hours of your life. I think you can manage it for the sake of office cohesion

Oxomoco · 16/11/2023 09:25

Honestly, I agree with @10HailMarys — you sound difficult, obstructive and like someone looking for something to be aggrieved about. Was the ‘incident’ with the colleague as minor as the manager not saying hi?

squashyhat · 16/11/2023 09:25

Bloody hell - all these convoluted excuses! Just say it's not your sort of thing and you hope they enjoy themselves. If they ask why just repeat.

ManateeFair · 16/11/2023 10:11

Oxomoco · 16/11/2023 09:25

Honestly, I agree with @10HailMarys — you sound difficult, obstructive and like someone looking for something to be aggrieved about. Was the ‘incident’ with the colleague as minor as the manager not saying hi?

I agree too. If you don't want to go, call in sick or something, but it's really over-dramatic and childish to make this amount of fuss about being asked to go on a thing in work hours with a group of people just because there was 'an incident' with one of them. And the business about the manager just sounds like you're being paranoid and weird to me. You said your other colleagues are friendly and polite so chat to them instead. I had a full-on blazing row with a colleague once but I didn't absent myself from all work activities forever as a result.

Dying to know what The Incident was.

sweetpickle23 · 16/11/2023 10:46

I'd love it if I was getting paid to go get a hot chocolate and look at some Xmas lights for 2 hours rather than doing work.

Wimpeyspread · 16/11/2023 10:52

Just say you don’t want to! They can’t make you, it’s not part of your job description, find something you need to get on with and don’t go. I always opted out of Christmas meals because I didn’t enjoy them - no need for complicated excuses

EarringsandLipstick · 16/11/2023 11:20

There's no reason not to do this because of one colleague - however, your subsequent posts indicate you just don't want to.

Therefore - don't! Don't lie or make up silly excuses, they are utterly transparent & it's immature.

Just say you're not available - you can't be made to. However, think carefully on any impact in work. It's a reality that engaging socially with colleagues does matter in terms of collegiality & making informal connections. For most of us, we recognise we've to do some of this, even if we'd prefer not to. So I'll always make a point of being at staff farewells & celebrations or occasional coffees with my fellow managers.

I generally don't go to the Christmas meal but that's because I have balanced it out with other activities & feel ok not going to this

DilemmaDelilah · 16/11/2023 14:00

Our team (under a previous manager) went for a Christmas meal 3 years running, leaving at 1pm so taking the whole of the afternoon off. I chose not to go because either the places chosen were too expensive (other than the team secretary everybody else was paid more than me - some of them double what I earned) or the menu choices were very much not to my taste (think Mexican, when I dislike chilli, beans and avocado.....) or really not diabetic friendly. Plus our then manager, and a lot of the staff, really liked to drink and intended to carry on drinking into the night and I don't really drink. I was told that if I didn't want to come to the (optional) Christmas meal out then I would have to stay in the office on my own and work the whole of the rest of the afternoon. Not even allowed to leave half an hour early. Most unfair I thought! However I would rather work all afternoon while everyone else was out boozing and spending money I didn't have, than go out with them so that's what I did. And that's what I would do if I was you too, but I'm not.

BusySittingDown · 16/11/2023 14:08

sweetpickle23 · 16/11/2023 10:46

I'd love it if I was getting paid to go get a hot chocolate and look at some Xmas lights for 2 hours rather than doing work.

Yeah same!

TBH, it sounds like you're being a bit hard work! Surely there are plenty of other colleagues that you could walk with? If it means that you'll get home later just tell them that and say you need to be home at normal time therefore you need to leave earlier. I can't imagine that they can say "no, you need to stare at the Christmas lights for the full two hours!"