Page 4 | I know I'm a humbug but help me please!!

Ceci03 · 2023-11-15T14:45:56+00:00

So I don't get on that well with one of my colleagues at work and since an "incident" I really don't want to socialize with her. I managed to get out of the Xmas night out due to COL -actually only 4 people are going from our team of 10 so I'm not sticking out for that But just got an invite from the managers that we are going on a trip to town- about 25min walk - to do "christmassy" things like get a hot choc or hot whiskey or ... and to look at Xmas lights. I really don't want to go. It's from 3-5pm on a Tuesday. I just hate those things and walking down to the town is a pain. And then walking back up again at 5 I will be really late home. Not massive but I just don't want to. Anyone think of a good excuse. I was thinking could I say I have a sore foot... or hide in the toilets til they go I don't know if they would even notice I wasn't there . Please help and dont be cross with me for being bah humbug

HomiesAlone · 17/11/2023 07:43

Sorry OP that some posters messages stung a bit and that some were clearly unkind. There is nothing wrong with you, your likes and dislikes and how you are. Hope it works out. Noone here knows what your workplace is like, and not all of us are extroverts or active. Forced jollity is not everyone's cup of tea. There's nothing wrong with you, MN is just a space for sad trolls to make others feel bad sometimes.

wesurecouldstandgladioli · 17/11/2023 07:44

Kittylala · 17/11/2023 07:40

Yes matron

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🤣

jolies1 · 17/11/2023 07:45

Houseplanter · 16/11/2023 16:54

If building professional relationships now depends on trips out clapping your hands at Christmas lights and managers can't think of anything better as 'team building' exercises I'm glad I've retired.

Good managers do not treat their staff as 5 years olds.

They don’t but many managers are completely frazzled with the instruction they will have had to plan some “team building” with no budget that suits everyone, isn’t costly, is appropriate for those who don’t drink, takes place during working hours so staff don’t moan they are being asked to take part in own time… it sounds a bit like a last ditch attempt to do something quick and festive that is cheap and minimal effort for the staff involved. Just don’t go and stay at work till 5 OP.

ilovesushi · 17/11/2023 07:45

It's probably not a big deal if you don't go. At my old job we used to have a long lunch break at Christmas to walk round the Christmas market. Most but not all colleagues came. No drama about those that didn't.

wesurecouldstandgladioli · 17/11/2023 07:45

There's nothing wrong with you, MN is just a space for sad trolls to make others feel bad sometimes.

Amen, Homies. OP, you’re fine.

Milkybarsareonmeeeee · 17/11/2023 07:50

Ceci03 · 15/11/2023 15:01

But what
Why can't I walk down to the town during f work hours

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If this was out of work hours I would say no need to explain yourself. .

You post did you say and “invite “ “telling you”
which is it ?

I would hide in the toilets why not

IpsyUpsyDaisyDoos · 17/11/2023 07:53

Tbh, if they want to pay you to spend the afternoon drinking hot chocolate instead of working, let them. Just say in advance you'll need to head back a bit earlier because you have an appointment after work you can't reschedule, then you won't be late home.

Lifetooshort23 · 17/11/2023 07:53

“No thanks.” 😂

I 100% wouldn’t be being late home for some absolute work BS. I despise all this nonsense “team building fun” when in reality they should just be giving a bonus or pay rise.

I left my career 8 years ago thanks to a huge mental health breakdown, thanks to the actions of colleagues and the system/politics. Prior to that I’d been the one designated with organising Christmas parties and the likes. Never again and I actively encourage anyone else to not feel forced into this nonsense now as it’s all temporary! Do what you want to do, you’re an adult!

ps. Are you “snowed under” at work? Can you pull a sickie that day?! 😆

Intelligenthair · 17/11/2023 07:55

They’ve clearly listened to people saying they can’t afford to go out for a meal and have come up with a free alternative!

Honestly, if you need to, just reframe it in your mind as the same as a meeting you don’t particularly want, or an afternoon filing- not your favourite bit of the job but something you just need to put a smile on your face and do.

You might even find you enjoy it. Or EVEN form some better friendships at work!

Mirabai · 17/11/2023 07:56

The problem is OP that if you make of all this stuff into issues and distance yourself from managers and colleagues who you don’t think like you - how are you going to last in this job? It will be the same whatever the workplace - if you don’t make the effort to fit you will end up alienated from the rest of the workforce. This kind of forced Christmas jollity is annoying for everyone, but most people suck it up and crack on.

I don’t really understand the problem with walking. If you’re disabled, have a chronic illness or seriously overweight - that’s fine. But otherwise “I don’t like walking” is incredibly lame. How do you normally get exercise?

determinedtomakethiswork · 17/11/2023 07:57

Why don't you say to your manager that you don't want to go for a walk as you don't feel well and you will stay behind to answer the phones and do some work?

ithinkthatmaybeimdreaming · 17/11/2023 07:58

Well I think you are being ridiculous, and as you said, a humbug. I went to few social functions in the final years at my last workplace, but I would have loved to have done something like this. Who wouldn't want to get paid to walk into town and have a hot drink and look at the lights? (silly question, of course the anti-social MNers wouldn't enjoy it). It all seems a bit extreme just because you don't get on with one colleague.

It's in work time, and it sounds like fun - surely you could make a bit of an effort to take part and try to enjoy it.

Unusualactualname · 17/11/2023 08:04

ithinkthatmaybeimdreaming · 17/11/2023 07:58

Well I think you are being ridiculous, and as you said, a humbug. I went to few social functions in the final years at my last workplace, but I would have loved to have done something like this. Who wouldn't want to get paid to walk into town and have a hot drink and look at the lights? (silly question, of course the anti-social MNers wouldn't enjoy it). It all seems a bit extreme just because you don't get on with one colleague.

It's in work time, and it sounds like fun - surely you could make a bit of an effort to take part and try to enjoy it.

Edited

You are a Mumsnet cliche.

Candymay · 17/11/2023 08:07

EthicalNonMahogany · 16/11/2023 15:52

Your work managers have a responsibility to build relationships in the office as well as task you with tasks to be done. If you've ever tried to manage anyone you'll know that some time spent not talking about work is very important. People who huff about "forced fun" don't get what their job actually is - most people's jobs are at least partly about building effectiveness in a team.

I think they are being very inclusive- not an expensive treat, in work hours, carbon bloody neutral, very low key with no forced karaoke or dancing or anything. It shows they have thought about it and are trying to build low-key bonds.

I think you are a massive whinger OP. Do you think managers like spending outside time with teams? Not necessarily they would probably rather be with their families too, but the ability to be civil and build good bonds and connection is part of working life.

I agree with every word of this post.

and i would love to be in a team that did such an event. Makes me miss my old team so much. I’m now working alone most of the time.

SaySomethingMan · 17/11/2023 08:07

Oxomoco · 16/11/2023 16:41

These are the people who loved lockdown, who get straight into their pyjamas as soon as they get in from work, and regard relationships with other people, even fairly straightforward collegial ones or with fellow-parents dropping at the school gate, as liable to produce ‘drama’.

A Christmas party is a personal insult. A wedding invitation is an act of war.

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Getting into my pjs straight after work and a hot shower sounds divine but te children do far too many activities.

Some people do struggle socially so your post is rather unkind. Open your mind and learn that we are all different.

Look at the things the OP has written down as causes of anxiety for her. Is your post really the best you can do as a decent human?

The post your replied to is even worse.

wesurecouldstandgladioli · 17/11/2023 08:08

ithinkthatmaybeimdreaming · 17/11/2023 07:58

Well I think you are being ridiculous, and as you said, a humbug. I went to few social functions in the final years at my last workplace, but I would have loved to have done something like this. Who wouldn't want to get paid to walk into town and have a hot drink and look at the lights? (silly question, of course the anti-social MNers wouldn't enjoy it). It all seems a bit extreme just because you don't get on with one colleague.

It's in work time, and it sounds like fun - surely you could make a bit of an effort to take part and try to enjoy it.

Edited

Lots of people have said they wouldn’t want to trudge into town on a 25 minute walk for a hot chocolate.

We have various things planned by our workplace (Christmas breakfast, lunch and party) and I’m looking forward to it all, because it’s all paid for by work and none of it involves me trudging into town with colleagues, in potential rainy/cold weather, taxis will be provided.

If you read OP’s posts, you’ll see last time people were meant to walk to town, OP’s colleagues organised lift shares, she was left out, ended up having to run to keep up with a colleague who then badmouthed her to everyone.

So I can totally see why OP doesn’t want to repeat it.

Boysnme · 17/11/2023 08:14

Oh that sounds awful.

i would just be being honest and saying I don’t want to go and will stay in the office and work while they are at it. They can’t force you to do it.

blobby10 · 17/11/2023 08:16

I would have fallen down the stairs that morning and sprained my knee! Bonus points if you have crutches to hand for use as a prop.

Adamfromgirls · 17/11/2023 08:16

I would either call in sick (if you get paid) or just go to it, quick walk into town and then back. Fresh air is nicer than being stuck in the office, a couple of hours out of your life is annoying (I'm not a fan of this sort of thing either) but not the end of the world and so much better than a team dinner you have to pay for. Is there anyway you could stick some air-pods under some ear muffs and just nod and smile when they speak to you? 😉

Adamfromgirls · 17/11/2023 08:17

blobby10 · 17/11/2023 08:16

I would have fallen down the stairs that morning and sprained my knee! Bonus points if you have crutches to hand for use as a prop.

I once said this to get out of coming into work to go to a gig when I was 16 and while I was at the gig I fell over and sprained my ankle so actually did come back on crutches. Such instant karma 😱

Newsenmum · 17/11/2023 08:17

Can’t you just say you’re not feeling up to it but hope they have a lovely time?

TorroFerney · 17/11/2023 08:20

Ceci03 · 16/11/2023 16:36

Yeh maybe I'm just not a good team player. When I first started in the job about 10 mths ago I was very enthusiastic and went to everything . I think it's partly the walk. Last time I went out for a meal after work and we had to walk to the town but some people bad organized to drive and park so I ended up walking with jist one other guy who is v young and fit and he walked so fast I was nearly running so he slowed down to accommodate me but when we got to the restaurant some of the car people were already there and they were teasing him bout taking so long and he started complaining about me walking v slow. I was slightly mortified. I know all these things sound small and petty but they cause me anxiety and I'm just getting to the age where I don't wanna be forced into things . Anyway will most likely suck it up

I wonder if there’s a need to work on your reaction to stuff. Colleague here sounds an ungallant knob to complain about someone physical ability unless he felt he was doing it in jest? But you can choose how you react to that so a witty oh Roger and here was I thinking we were going slow as you were enjoying my scintillating company or some such rubbish back to him. Avoiding ever walking anywhere ever again is a bit extreme as is never joining in anything again.

how people respond is usually not about you it’s all about their shit. We are all insecure fuck ups deep inside!

Nopenopenopenopenopenope · 17/11/2023 08:31

You... You don't want to get paid to go look at fairy lights and drink hot chocolate?!

SurprisedWithAHorse · 17/11/2023 08:34

Unusualactualname · 17/11/2023 08:04

You are a Mumsnet cliche.

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The cliche is more the person who hates other people on principle, never socialises, never answers the door and takes offence at any social invitation, especially for a wedding. The person who socialises and even puts up with the odd work do that they don't really fancy because it just makes everything that much easier at the office is much less common.

Cat1313 · 17/11/2023 08:37

Just say No Thank you, I don't want to go and I have work to do.