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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I know I'm a humbug but help me please!!

198 replies

Ceci03 · 15/11/2023 14:45

So I don't get on that well with one of my colleagues at work and since an "incident" I really don't want to socialize with her. I managed to get out of the Xmas night out due to COL -actually only 4 people are going from our team of 10 so I'm not sticking out for that

But just got an invite from the managers that we are going on a trip to town- about 25min walk - to do "christmassy" things like get a hot choc or hot whiskey or ... and to look at Xmas lights.

I really don't want to go. It's from 3-5pm on a Tuesday. I just hate those things and walking down to the town is a pain. And then walking back up again at 5 I will be really late home. Not massive but I just don't want to.

Anyone think of a good excuse. I was thinking could I say I have a sore foot... or hide in the toilets til they go I don't know if they would even notice I wasn't there . Please help and dont be cross with me for being bah humbug

OP posts:
TheLonelyStarbucksLovers · 18/11/2023 19:44

The main thing I’m getting from this thread is how many people think a 25 walk and back again is a massively unreasonable ask! Posters describing it as a ‘trudge’ a ‘slog’ etc. Surely it’s an entirely reasonable distance for the average person without any mobility issues.

But on the main issue OP I think you’re being overly dramatic and unreasonable. A couple of hours chatting with your colleagues now and then is an integral part of most jobs. It’s how humans and workplaces function.

I’m always very sceptical of those posts of here along the lines of “I’m amazing and efficient at my job, wfh nearly all the time, and haven’t socialised with work colleagues since a quick drink in 1997”. I always wonder what the colleagues of the poster would say.

DD1963 · 18/11/2023 19:47

My thinking is they might have arranged this event to try and include you and build some bridges. If you really don't want to go could you not just confide in a manager you get on with it is just too anxiety provoking for you, don't compromise your mental health to keep other people happy. As much as I hate the M and S Christmas and I can see it might apply here!

Jeannie88 · 18/11/2023 19:53

You don't have to walk with or talk to your colleague, really can't see the big deal? It's a chance to get some fresh air, chill out a bit rather than being stuck inside? Sorry but I find these sort of issues about a couple of hours doing something different a bit trivial and unadventurous. Has the world really come to worrying about this sort of thing or is it a new issue, no personal offence, but snowflakey? It's not hard is it, unless you have a disability, otherwise just try to enjoy the break?

Jeannie88 · 18/11/2023 19:54

AffIt · 16/11/2023 15:42

Don't go, then.

Jesus, how does half of MN function when the thought of a very minimal activity that occurs in work hours and doesn't even impinge on their free time causes such angst?

I know, I mean, really...

Justrolledmyeyesoutloud · 18/11/2023 20:21

sweetpickle23 · 16/11/2023 10:46

I'd love it if I was getting paid to go get a hot chocolate and look at some Xmas lights for 2 hours rather than doing work.

Me too!!!

Ilovecleaning · 18/11/2023 22:18

First, I know that the OP’s walk is during working hours but I don’t know why everyone has to socialise/bond/build team spirit outside of working hours. If the team works well, does their jobs, chat over tea and coffee, socialise at lunch etc I think it’s enough. If they want to arrange out of work activities, that’s fine but for gods sake don’t judge the colleagues for not joining in.

I always found whole workforce socialising a big fat bore; but I always made friends with 2 or 3 and we would meet up for lunch/dinner privately.
People have enough to do without pissing about out of working hours or feeling obliged to join in forced jollity.
Here endeth the lesson from a grumpy old bag 🤣

Vonesk · 18/11/2023 22:23

On the day: Invent an unexpected Family Emergency.
Or Stomach problems / Pain/ Migraine..
If you end up going: excuse yourself by saying You just got a text and have to leave early.
It's not difficult being a woman.
With multiple responsibilities.
Say Have to get home for Sick Husband.

Applecidercake · 18/11/2023 22:40

Could you take annual leave on that day? Don’t volunteer any information why and if someone ask you then apologise and say that something has come up and leave it like that

Superbroom · 18/11/2023 22:47

I think if just go and grin and bear its only a few hours op. Its sounds like it has the potential to be an awkward social event, walking in the pissing down rain in your Christmas jumpers making small talk with Barry and Susan, but go expect the worst and you maybe pleasantly surprised.

Not1iota · 18/11/2023 23:09

You only have to read “These are the people…” 😆

Marieb19 · 19/11/2023 00:54

Sprain an ankle

CelestiaNoctis · 19/11/2023 03:58

'Nah I don't fancy it, bit early for Christmas things, I'll hang back here and keep working but you guys have a good time!'

Just say no basically. It's optional. You're just there to work.

ClubTropicanaVIP · 19/11/2023 10:56

10HailMarys · 16/11/2023 09:20

This really sounds like you’re making a massive drama out of nothing. You’re not being asked to do anything outside work hours. You had a disagreement with a colleague, so what? You still need to be professional and polite during work hours. You don’t have to be their best mate but you have to be capable of being in a group, during working hours, at which they are also present. This really isn’t a big deal, it’s a minor nuisance.

If you don’t want to go, call in sick that day or invent a hospital appointment or a childcare emergency or something. It’s not complicated. It’s not like getting out of PE at school; you don’t need a note from your mum. You’re making a huge fuss over a really tiny thing but if you really can’t deal with a small inconvenience during work time, you don’t need to be begging strangers to invent an excuse for you. You’re not 12.

This…..in buckets!! Sorry OP

sandyhappypeople · 19/11/2023 11:02

Why not drive down to town if it’s half hour walk then leave straight after or even during if you suddenly ‘don’t feel well’ wink wink.

there’s ways to make this more tolerable.

Morgysmum · 19/11/2023 11:03

Do you have kids? If you do, you could always say you did that on X day. And so don't fancy doing it again. Or say you have to get home for Christmas Panto or Christmas party at the kids school.

Helen1625 · 19/11/2023 15:36

Could you say it's the time of the month and you're really heavy so need to stay near the bathroom? Plus you're really crampy so dont feel up to walking.

I know how you feel, I had a colleague a few years ago, we had a falling out and whereas I stayed quiet afterwards, she rallied around a few people to gather supporters. I avoid anything and everything that she goes to.

RommyRommyRommm · 19/11/2023 15:46

Tell them you’re Muslim.

Homegrown11 · 19/11/2023 22:03

Can’t you drive down and leave straight from town, rather than having to go back to the office? That way you could leave the office a bit later, still go, but not look like a total misery. Use a domestic excuse for the time saving driving. Or just say sorry, you can’t make it?

Nanaof1 · 20/11/2023 06:51

Ceci03 · 16/11/2023 09:04

Any other ideas? Just don't wanna! Even this morning I was walking in and one of the managers walked extra fast past me and then in front of me without saying hi. Then when I came out of the lift she was coming down the corridor and just flew past me and didn't hold the door or anything . Im not being a snowflake it's really obvious she doesn't like me which is fine im a big girl but I don't wanna go out with these people . Ps she wasn't in a big hurry she's in the office now chatting wit the other managers and laughing

I suggest you go buy an elastic brace for your wrenched knee. A cane would be good too. "It will be fine, I just stepped off a stair funny and wrenched it a bit. If it doesn't get better in a week or so, I'll get it looked at but for now, it just means I can't go on walks with the kids/DH/DP for a few days." Don't even mention not going on the "walk" until it's time to leave. Then say, "Oh, I forgot that it would be a walk! I'm not going to put that much pressure on my knee but you all have fun!." Now, change the words to fit whatever country you are from with the slang, etc.

FedUpMumof10YO · 20/11/2023 06:54

Just say you've too much to do & you'll give this one a miss. Say you don't feel up to it.

Cottontail8 · 20/11/2023 17:38

Me too! I’m a teacher and today for a 10min lunch break… I can’t even imagine being paid to walk with colleagues and get a hot choc, absolute dream world!!

Redragtoabull · 20/11/2023 20:53

Enjoy yourselves. Mic drop

Jacesmum1977 · 24/11/2023 22:14

Either say you’re not up for it and carry on with your work or call in with an overnight upset stomach.
Or go, get some air in your lungs and enjoy the people you do like. You and the other person haven’t got to talk to each other although being civil is a good thing to do

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