I know I'm a humbug but help me please!!

[Ceci03]

So I don't get on that well with one of my colleagues at work and since an "incident" I really don't want to socialize with her. I managed to get out of the Xmas night out due to COL -actually only 4 people are going from our team of 10 so I'm not sticking out for that

But just got an invite from the managers that we are going on a trip to town- about 25min walk - to do "christmassy" things like get a hot choc or hot whiskey or ... and to look at Xmas lights.

I really don't want to go. It's from 3-5pm on a Tuesday. I just hate those things and walking down to the town is a pain. And then walking back up again at 5 I will be really late home. Not massive but I just don't want to.

Anyone think of a good excuse. I was thinking could I say I have a sore foot... or hide in the toilets til they go I don't know if they would even notice I wasn't there . Please help and dont be cross with me for being bah humbug

Just say no.

You're an adult, you don't have to do anything extra curricular if you don't want to.

I don't get why people are so afraid to just say no to things they don't want to do 🤷‍♀️

"i have to say, I thought the same. Not quite sure how these people cope. With anything"

This attitude is one of the reasons many of us find socializing even more difficult than we already do.

We KNOW people look at us as feeble weirdos when in actual fact, part of the reason we despise these things is because we have gone through so much awful shit with people that it has scarred us...but we came through it, we survived and we just don't want to endure things we don't have to anymore.

Just say, 'No thanks, I'm an old curmudgeon!' with a big smile. No need to be ashamed. Just own it.

No, no one is saying you should socialise or do anything that makes you uncomfortable.

I don’t understand/can’t relate to why adults who don’t want to do something don’t just say “no thank you.”

At the last minute, you could say you are feeling like you might be getting a stomach bug?

You are happy to stay in the office and work but you really don't want to risk being in town in case you suddenly feel "unwell".

I don't think anyone would question this. The next morning you are "feeling so much better"!

On the day ask if anyone would be offended if you sat the trip out as you have a bunch of work to do.
If they say - No, come along; forget the work - then I would go.
If they say it's fine and others, too, are staying back to work - then I would stay back.

Just walk along with those whom you like. There is nothing to be gained in being the odd one out.

I don’t understand the telling off the OP is getting-implying she can’t work effectively in a team without socialising. That’s absolutely not true-some of us aren’t very sociable but we’re very nice to work with. We don’t pull sickies, we work hard, we are considerate to colleagues and we think of ways how work life can be improved. That doesn’t include having to walk and make small talk when you’d rather be doing something more productive. I get that some-or most-people would love this kind of thing but there’s no need for such negativity for those who don’t.

Tubular bandage on ankle - sorry guys, can't walk far, busted my ankle, sob sob. But do it a couple of days before so it's not so obvious!

Or just tell the truth - you're not keen on all the walking. Could you club together to get an uber, if you get 4 of you in it to go that distance it will probably cost a pound each or something?

So arrange to drive and say you need to leave promptly for a commitment after work.

So there are 8 other colleagues you could walk with? If it's an activity you've been requested to go on during working hours, I don't see how you can get out of it - but if you really want to miss it, just book annual leave that afternoon. But why are you giving this colleague so much control over your life?

Then you don't understand the pressure on people to be 'team players'.

What about if you said you’ve been on a waiting list to have your wisdom tooth removed and you have been offered a last minute appointment on the same day as your work outing. You will obviously need sedation for this procedure as you’re nervous of the dentist (?!) as that means you need to fast for 4 hours before the procedure. Hopefully that gives you a big enough window to work with and a believable excuse!

I think you should face your fears head on and go, OP, and you'll probably be surprised at what a big deal it isn't. But if you really must make an excuse then the more complicated it is, the easier it will be to see through. I wouldn't do emergency appointments and driving elderly relatives and wisdom tooth extraction. Just ring in on the day with a sickness bug. Or if you have kids, say one of them is ill. You should go but if you don't, keep it simple.

The amount of threads on here complaining about works Christmas nights out are always bemoaning the fact that it's out of work time and costs money.

This is a nice idea which is in work time and will cost the price of a drink.

Some people are never happy!

Dentist? Work meeting? 😅 reps coming from x company and I totally forgot?

It really isn't, because the photocopying would be intrinsic to the job.

To me it's nice if workplaces offer this sort of thing for those who are up for it, but it shouldn't be mandatory. I'd find it a pain too and those who don't want to do it are going to look like non-team players over something that isn't actually a component of the job. I'm 100% remote working now but this kind of thing used to really irk me when I was office-based.

But not everyone enjoys doing these things...

Plus, in my view, the walking raises an inclusivity issue. What if some can't manage that amount of walking/standing?

Be so dazzlingly Christmassy it shocks them into talking to you.
There's nothing that pi33es people off more than you going above and beyond.
So get that tinsel in your hair, take in mince pies and fa la x 8 all day long.

I think you are worrying unnecessarily. Just say it’s your mum’s birthday that day and meal booked so you were planning on leaving the office bang on 5 to get there in time so unfortunately the walk will leave it a bit tight. You are happy though the man the phones for the others while they are gone though.

There are two types of people in this world. Those that like their fun organised in advance so they can be prepared for those communal Instagram moments and those that like their fun to creep up on them spontaneously, away from the madding crowd. There is absolutely no shame in belonging to the latter camp. It does not encroach on core shared work activities. The world should be able to embrace both types of people without judgement.

Why are people saying to make up a fake excuse? The way I read it the OP finishes work at 5. Then she leaves and either drives, public transport or walks to get home.
The trip to look at the lights will finish at 5 - but she will then have to walk 25 minutes to get back to her car/bus stop/still got to walk but has to possibly add on that extra 25 minutes because town is in the wrong direction.
That's how I read it. It will basically add on 25 minutes to her work day - which is a pain.

But it's not in work time. It's running over by around half an hour.

Managers that assume this is ok are wrong to assume. Apart from the 'unpaid' aspect there's a multitude of reasons why staff need to finish on time. In my years as a manager I heard so many.. DV, caring for elderly relatives, their own childcare. All confidential.

Just call in sick thay day?

Then why is your post loaded with judgement (largely for made-up failings) of the people in the first camp? And if you're going to be pompous, get it right. It's "far from the madding crowd".

My apologies for being pompous SurprisedWithAHorse.