DS keeps being moved at school

[Cupsoftea2]

Ds has recently gone into year 2 and has had a brand new teacher. He previously had the same teacher from nursery to year 1 and he was doing so well in school. He was getting star pupil every week loved his teacher and he was progressing so well.

New teacher keeps moving him pretty much everyday and the reasons he is giving us seem petty unless he is lying but I have no reason not to believe him. She hasn’t contacted us to tell us he’s been messing around or everything and we see her everyday.

We paid £100 for him to go on a school trip and when we picked him up he looked so sad my heart broke for him. He eventually told us that she told him he was being rude for kicking a paper towel and made him sit at the front of the coach away from his friends.

He went into school this morning and she said hi “DS” and he just walked past her. We also seen her on bonfire night and he didn’t even want to say hi then either. I have never seen him like this before ever.

Something in my gut isn’t sitting right! Surely if he was misbehaving so badly we would have some kind of contact? He is a good kid never had any issues with him ever.

You need to speak to school - send the head an email this morning and ask for a meeting about your son’s change in behaviour and anxiety. Ignoring anxiety will only be a waiting game for it to become worse.

it sounds like he isn’t coping with the change to a new teacher.

No they was queuing up for the bus.

He shouldn't be doing it while queuing for the bus either. Of course he was moved to the front. If the teacher carnt trust him outside the bus why should she trust him on the bus?

You are in danger of being one of those parents that indulge bad behaviour. Kicking paper towels ? Being rude to authority figures ? You keep making excuses for him. Honestly, he sounds like a spoilt brat . Which I know you are stoutly going to refuse to acknowledge. But no one thinks your child is special except you. Seriously think this is why there. is such a nation of entitled thinking people

Here’s a thought. Imagine having 25-30 kids in one room, if you ignore the low level behaviour like chatting when the teacher is talking, kicking stuff around, getting out of their seat when asked to sit down, not following instructions etc etc the classroom will pretty soon end up in chaos. Low level behaviour can escalate and become more serious if they think that they can get away with these things. Then these children disrupt everyone’s learning.

and sorry to burst your bubble but star of the week is so very rarely given to the most well behaved/polite children. It’s given to those who need a boost as a behaviour tool to those who are struggling with behaviour/emotional issues.

Stop making excuses for your sons obvious poor behaviour.

If I had a child misbehaving with their friends in the queue for the bus, presumably out of boredom, I don’t think I could assume that they wouldn’t react in the same way to the boredom of a bus journey. As the teacher in charge, if their decisions about where children sit lead to misbehaviour and distractions to the driver, it is on her/his head.

Taking children out of school is stressful , she will have had to try to minimise risk at all stages.

Sorry I will have to disagree with you, you don’t know my son at all your making things up in your head and just running with it to fit your own initiative.

How does a 6 year old go from being a confident boy all these years to anxious? And not wanting to say hello to someone. If he really felt he was being naughty he wouldn’t be telling us. He said to me mum I feel like she’s picking on me all his other friends were laughing and he was that one that got moved.

kicking a paper towel whilst your stood waiting to go in a coach doesn’t make a kid rude.

Teacher's perspective here - firstly don't go straight to the head without talking to the teacher. The first question the head will ask is whether you've talked to the teacher about it. Secondly- it's quite unusual to have the same teacher multiple years in a row and it has probably been a big adjustment to get used to a new teacher. Behaviour management is a relationship thing - if I know a class well then their behaviour will be better - by the end of the year I can mostly manage them with a look. With a new teacher it's very likely that she is having to set her expectations really high for behaviour to match what their previous teacher was able to achieve with a more light touch approach. This could really be rubbing your son up the wrong way but it's necessary. Also - ask the teacher why and how often he's being moved. Just ask her! I often move kids lesson to lesson- like "OK, x y and z haven't quite got this concept, come and work with me on this table and everyone else shift along" etc. I've worked in schools with no set seating plan at all! If a child ignored me when I said good morning, id make a point of speaking to them that day to find out what was up, so maybe she will have done that.

Folks are being a bit harsh - talk to the teacher, explain that he’s seemingly stopped enjoying school, he’s telling you he’s worried/upset and that this is a big change from yr 1 and see what she says. You do have to be prepared to hear things you don’t want to though as they might be trying to manage challenging behaviour directly with him, rather than coming to you.
FWIW in my DCs class all kids get moved around all the time, at least every 4 weeks!

I agree with this. Star of the week at any school I have ever worked in has been an incentive for poorly behaved children to be not quite so poorly behaved. It certainly never meant that the child receiving it was one of the children that behaved well as a default.
I can remember various children getting star of the week for things like managing to go a day without hitting someone, apologising for calling the teacher a bitch and various other things. It was rare given to a usually well behaved child.

Yabu not to teach your son that greetings are basic human manners. Explain that you greet people you don't like or have no opinion on and he should do the same.
Low level disruption is annoying for other people and if he doesn't want to be moved around then he needs to stop.
We don't know if the current teacher is too strict or the previous one was too soft but increasing behaviour expectations is inevitable as kids grow up. It's possible that he's being punished for things that his friends are not but maybe your expectations are in the low side so he struggles at school.
Personally I would talk to the teacher and find out what's going on because it sounds like your son is having a hard time.

When he was getting star of week it was for his maths and reading not for behaviour.

OP, what do you think the teacher should do if your son ignores her in the classroom? For example, if he ignores her when she is giving instructions or explaining? Or he ignores her the first time she asks him to do or not do something? Because it doesn't seem much of a stretch to expect that if he is doing this at the gates and the bonfire night in front of you, the behaviour is more blatant in the classroom when you are not there.

The paper towel sounds minor in theory but if you’ve got 30 kids stood at the side of a road with passing traffic then you need to be really strict about standing still in order to keep everyone safe. Also if he’s overexcited and being silly that isn’t safe on a bus either, and removing him from his friends seems like reasonable enough punishment and a good way of calming him down to ensure everyone including him stays safe.

At my DC’s school they are expected to say good afternoon/good morning to every teacher. Even my 2YO has to say it every morning as he walks into his nursery class. I can’t imagine my DC ignoring a teacher and I wouldn’t just let it go. I have colleagues I can’t stand but you don’t just blank people do you?

Year 2 is going to be stricter, expectations will increase and it sounds like he’s struggling to adjust to that. Definitely talk to the teacher and see what can be done to help him but I wouldn’t go in assuming that the teacher is in the wrong because nothing you’ve said suggests that’s the case.

It's very possibly your son is showing lots of low level behaviour and this is why he's being moved. My step daughter is in year 3 and will constantly come home telling us stuff like " I was put on the tracker because I had a drink of my water" (tracker is their first line behaviour sanction) and as it turns out she had been repeatedly messing with her water bottle while the teacher was doing whole class teaching, this only goes on for 5 minutes at the start of the lesson and the kids know they aren't allowed to mess with anything on their table. So it's not always quite as the child tells you.

Also kicking the paper towel, yeah I agree with the teacher there, clearly he shouldn't have been doing it and I'd support the teacher with whatever she thought was appropriate to do at that moment.

I have rang them anyway so I will wait and see what the teacher has to say.

In your OP you say the reasons he's being moved seem petty to you but you haven't given any examples (apart from one where he says everyone was laughing and he got moved - well, you have to move someone to split up a group, and maybe he was the one setting the laughing going by silliness). What reasons does he give?

Agree with this

Is this not you, OP? https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/4929051-to-expect-teach-to-tell-us-ds-is-misbehaving

Did you take any of the advice given three weeks ago?

Well he said yesterday his friend put a ruler on his eye lids and everyone was giggling but he was only one to be moved.

@Cupsoftea2 Of course you are being defensive as I knew you would . You say I don't know your child but these two examples form my opinion . And you can see that others have supported that. He is complaining to you as he knows that rather than address the issues and tell him that he is wrong to kick stuff or be rude to his teacher , you are indulging him . Maybe he wouldn't be "picked on " by a teacher if he just behaved himself . This won't get better if you continue , he is only a child now , but this can lead to an entitled obnoxious teenage boy .

I know you think this is harsh but I do have professional experience.

Star of the week is designed manly for the naughty kids. Of course they are not going to say star is for not hitting someone for example of course they are going to say it's for maths etc.

I had this with my son. He adores his year4 and 5 teacher. I’ve never seen him so happy in school.

When he was given his year 6 teacher he took an intense disliking to her which resulted in him being rude and petulant towards her which obviously got him into a bit of trouble.

Prior to this my son was always top of the class, very clever, kind sweet boy, always received a lot of praise.

Ultimately he didn’t like change. He was acting out because at an irrational level he wanted everything to stay the same and have his old teacher back.

It was my job as a parent to teach him that life doesn’t work like that. He will always experience change and will not always click with everyone but that doesn’t mean he can act out. Eventually he just sucked it up and things improved once he fell into line.

The best thing you can do for your child is to support the teacher. You absolutely should force him to be polite to his teacher and any other adult for that matter. Manners are the best asset we can give to our children.

No I’m not defensive I think it’s difficult as a parent you send them to school and you don’t know what is happening during the day. It has come as a shock these last couple of months because no one has ever told us that he has been misbehaving at school. Him having the same teacher for all them years probably isn’t great either. But his new teacher doesn’t give me that nice friendly feeling either almost feels very cold.

Cold like walking past someone who says hello and ignoring them? Fine one to talk when your teaching your son it's okay to behave in that manner.