DS keeps being moved at school

[Cupsoftea2]

Ds has recently gone into year 2 and has had a brand new teacher. He previously had the same teacher from nursery to year 1 and he was doing so well in school. He was getting star pupil every week loved his teacher and he was progressing so well.

New teacher keeps moving him pretty much everyday and the reasons he is giving us seem petty unless he is lying but I have no reason not to believe him. She hasn’t contacted us to tell us he’s been messing around or everything and we see her everyday.

We paid £100 for him to go on a school trip and when we picked him up he looked so sad my heart broke for him. He eventually told us that she told him he was being rude for kicking a paper towel and made him sit at the front of the coach away from his friends.

He went into school this morning and she said hi “DS” and he just walked past her. We also seen her on bonfire night and he didn’t even want to say hi then either. I have never seen him like this before ever.

Something in my gut isn’t sitting right! Surely if he was misbehaving so badly we would have some kind of contact? He is a good kid never had any issues with him ever.

Our Y3's teachers move them around a lot for minor chatting and it's not always the kid who is getting moved's fault. The school does mixed ability tables and it's like The Breakfast Club: you can clearly work out who they think is the resident brainy kid, naughty kid, clown, quirky kid, middling chatterbox, etc. Every table seems to have one of each "type", so when they move the kids it's not always about the individual, sometimes about keeping the balance. (I have mixed feelings about this and its tendency to encourage labelling but that's another story!)

If you're honest is he as well behaved as you make out?

The teacher saying hello and him ignoring her speaks volumes and I would've pulled one of mine up on it - it's rude. Your excuse - I don't want to force him 🤦‍♀️ raise him to have manners!

Maybe he's acting like that in class?

In school he needs to get used to being moved, working with different children, different teachers/ta's etc.

I very much imagine he's not the angel you think.

why should the child be forced to speak to someone they dont want to? does a child have less rights than an adult because i wouldnt be polite and talk to someone who i felt was making my life a misery so why should a child.

She's his teacher, of course he can't just decide to stop talking to her.
Can you even be serious? 🤦🏼‍♀️

So he refused to stop chatting on quite a number of occasions, then.

Are you still supporting his decision to refuse to speak to his teacher because he feels hard done by?

I think you’re right to speak to the school, but you’ve gone about it in the wrong way by zeroing in on the being moved thing. Often the thing they say they’re upset about isn’t actually the thing they’re upset about.

I would speak to the teacher again, say you’ve noticed a real change in DS’s mood at home and you’re wondering if they’ve noticed anything in school. One of my friends went in really hard on the school because her son was going in crying every morning, but when the child was spoken to by pastoral care about ‘worries’, they said they were unhappy about their toddler sibling having more time at home than them.

I also think Y2 (at our school at least) is a big step up in terms of academic and behavioural expectations. Ask the teacher about how they feel the transition has gone for your DS. I’d mention that last year DS was getting various awards and you’re wondering why they’ve not this year- does it indicate a change in their behaviour at school etc. Basically don’t assume the worst of the teacher and approach this as a collaborative process initially- I’m not saying that some teachers aren’t horrible people, but most are decent and won’t be torturing your child for kicks. If you don’t get anywhere, then think again.

He sounds a rude boy tbh. It's very rude to ignore someone saying good morning. You should have picked him up on it.

I would also encourage (but not force) him to say hello in the morning, because it is polite. I’d model it by brightly saying hello yourself. Some of my DC’s friends (also Y2) will not greet the teacher in the morning, but they have always been painfully shy. It doesn’t sound like your child is like that by nature.

Star of the week is more often than not given to naughty children as a way to try to control their behaviour. Good well behaved DC often get overlooked as the teacher thinks they are already motivated.

In my experience the kids that get 'star pupil' every week are the most poorly behaved as it's used as a bribe in the classroom. My DS's P2 teacher admitted this to me when I asked the direct question as it seemed like he was always missing out to the disruptive kids. Sounds like this teacher is enforcing some rules and your DS doesn't like it.

You need to speak to the teacher.

I see you have.

In Year 5 my son wasn’t allowed to go on a residential, which was right up his street, due to his behaviour.
We moved house and he went to a new school where they did the same trip in Year 6. He went, he loved it, and was good as gold.
I think sometimes some teachers just take a dislike to some kids. I’d raise it with the Head, they won’t be happy and will have a word with the teacher concerned.

It sounds like this teacher is more strict than what he's used to and it's a bit of a shock for him at 6 years old. He probably doesn't understand how she can be really strict and acting as though she doesn't like him one minute and then giving him a cheery good morning the next.

I would be communicating with the teacher that he appears to be really anxious about school this year and that it's a new problem for him, don't accuse her of anything but tell her that you're worried about this change in his personality and worried that he keeps on telling you about getting into trouble at school. The teacher then might be a bit more aware that he's struggling.

I have a child that appears fine at school but cries at home and sometimes you have to tell the teacher that your child isn't actually as robust as they seem.

That’s it. Needs to learn that at school, as in life, there is a hierarchy and he is not at the top of it.
I bet he is ‘gently parented’

You say it was a consequence of his behaviour? What has the teacher liking or not liking him got to do with it?

Everything 😩😩

Walking past someone who greets you is impolite. You should have pulled him up on it. That to me says everything. There are also some teachers who put up with lots of poor behaviour. They are beloved by some parents because they say everything is great even when everything is not.

He is obviously not behaving well. You need to get on the same page as the teacher quick.

Inthebleakmidwinter2
Or she could start parenting her child. Tell him he should reply politely to his teacher.

Low level disruption is disruptive. The child doesn’t have to be doing anything super-naughty, it’s the persistent chatting, poking others, fidgeting, etc, that causes disruption. I often move children if they’re doing this. It’s not so much a punishment, it’s for their benefit and that of the whole class.

All children have two warnings, but sadly some just can’t stop themselves continuing. Then they get moved. Usually, they’ve got into a chatting/poking/messing around thing with their neighbour and, after an appropriate amount of warnings, the only way to stop this is to move one or both of them.

Your ‘kicking a paper towel while queuing for the bus’ is half the story. Ask yourself what the other half might be? Had the teacher spoken to your son before? Had she been waiting for the children to queue up sensibly for ages, given them all a final stern warning - and then suddenly your son kicks a paper towel. Of course, he’d be picked up on that.

I suggest you talk through with your son the occasions he’s been moved.what he’s been doing, if there had been any instructions or warnings, what the other children were doing, what it would be like to be trying to explain something or get ready for something and have random people chatting and giggling, distracting others, and not listening, etc etc. Explain it’s not personal. It’s his behaviour that’s been criticised not him as a person.

I’d also explain that there’s a lot to learn and get through in Year 2 so he’d do better to sit and concentrate and then he should find he’s moved less. You could even speak to the teacher about this so she can monitor him through the week and make encouraging comments if he’s sitting nicely/listening well/whatever.

Your son ignoring her when she spoke to him was rude. You’re doing him no favours by indulging behaviour like that. He’s probably feeding off your attitude and thinking he’s being ‘picked on’ when, in fact, the far more likely answer is that he’s messing around doing low level disruptive things and it’s that that’s getting him moved.

It’s possible he’s more disruptive than he or the OP realize, it’s possible that he’s being unfairly singled out.

Unless there is a lot more to the ‘kicking a paper towel’, which there might well be, the punishment for kicking a paper towel does seem very extreme for a 6 year old.

He certainly sounds very sad.

But the teacher said there are no issues apart from the occasional chatting and she’s only had to move him once. You think the teacher is lying?

Teachers often minimise poor behaviour because parents simply don't want to hear it. They say they do but they actually don't. They don't want to tell their kids off. In this case they don't even insist on basic good manners.

Well if the teacher isn’t going to tell the truth, even when explicitly asked, you can’t expect the parents to get on the same page as her.

I know a little boy like this - very confident when he’s being indulged, mute when told off, because he doesn’t engage with any form of authority.

His parents believe he’s amazing and students and teachers bully him.

At 9, he’s at his 3rd primary school, and teachers and students are bullying him again.

Speak to the teacher non-judgementally to work out what is happening and how best to tackle it.