DS keeps being moved at school

[Cupsoftea2]

Ds has recently gone into year 2 and has had a brand new teacher. He previously had the same teacher from nursery to year 1 and he was doing so well in school. He was getting star pupil every week loved his teacher and he was progressing so well.

New teacher keeps moving him pretty much everyday and the reasons he is giving us seem petty unless he is lying but I have no reason not to believe him. She hasn’t contacted us to tell us he’s been messing around or everything and we see her everyday.

We paid £100 for him to go on a school trip and when we picked him up he looked so sad my heart broke for him. He eventually told us that she told him he was being rude for kicking a paper towel and made him sit at the front of the coach away from his friends.

He went into school this morning and she said hi “DS” and he just walked past her. We also seen her on bonfire night and he didn’t even want to say hi then either. I have never seen him like this before ever.

Something in my gut isn’t sitting right! Surely if he was misbehaving so badly we would have some kind of contact? He is a good kid never had any issues with him ever.

My kids were moved daily. It’s to socialise and build resilience. They want everyone in their classes to get to know each other and build friendships. I get it can be uncomfortable for a lot of children but this helps to break down any social barriers and get them involved. Teachers find it easier to identify those who struggle with social times so more help can be put in to remedy this and build confidence.
One of my sons has also been moved a few times because he’s a chatterbox and was disruptive. This is fair enough and the school had our backing on doing so. Both of mine were also taught to respect adults and behave accordingly.

Sometimes I wonder if most ppl on mums net are teachers. Authority figures? Come on, get a grip. Like everyone else teachers need to earn respect and if they’re being unfair kids are not stupid… Support your son and show him you’ll always be there for him. That way he’ll feel comfortable opening up.

Gosh, this is heartbreaking!

I don’t believe his behaviour changed at all. His behaviour wasn’t that bad in the first place, the teacher took a dislike to him.
I worked in education for 25 years, believe me, it does happen 🤔

Why ever are you posting here? Stop second guessing and speak with her.

Imagine how uncivilised it would be if all the children were kicking paper towels around?

I'd like to know more because paper towels aren't really expected in a bus queue.
If OP's son somehow fetched a pile of towels and decided to play footie with them yes. Or: there is something on the ground, kid toes it to see what it is, yuck it's a soggy paper towel. Teacher descends.

Call the school and ask to speak with her. Unlike some of the comments here suggesting you dismiss his feelings, and that the teacher ‘deserves respect’, find out what’s going on, because if she is victimising him- I don’t blame him for his reaction. You know your son, and if something isn’t feeling right, it probably isn’t.

all you commenters acting like teachers are god and he shouldn’t be ‘rude’ and ‘walk past an adult’.. if she’s singling him out, that’s an obvious reaction to ignore her. I would never force my son to be kind to someone who’s made him feel sad, teacher or no teacher!

You rude rude person. You have made a huge assumption here.

Who are you talking to?

However everyone is making assumptions here just as you are, as nobody really knows what is going on. OP posted about same a few weeks back, but her child wasnt so much an angel then and admitted he can be silly, not sure why she had to post again under a nc.
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OP it sound like you have difficulty believing your “dear” child is incapable of being disruptive or rude or non-compliant or any of the other negative behaviours child can construe. Herein lies your issue. The sooner you realise that you child is probably not behaving in an acceptable manner for one reason or another the easier things will get. I say this from experience - our children are very good at pulling the wool over our eyes and us wearing rose tinted glasses. I imagine if you were a fly on the wall at school you’d realise why he’s being moved. Try supporting the teacher and telling him that if his behaviour doesn’t improve he will keep being removed from his friends. He needs to learn to toe the line.

I would trust your guy. If you’ve had no problems in the past and he is clearly unhappy I would ask for a meeting with the teacher to get her side of the story and take it from there

It’s always tough to balance listening to your child against not indulging them - sounds like you are doing a good job and handled the meeting with the teacher well . Wishing you and your family the best these situations are stressful.

I’m a yr 2 teacher this year and I’ve been a Primary School teacher for 15 years. It is possible that she doesn’t like him and is showing it in her behaviour but Id have to say it’s much much more likely that he’s being a pest. Nursery and yr 1 tend to be largely play based. Yr 2 tends to be when “real work” starts. More writing. Higher expectations.

I try not to judge parents from these little snapshots but when you said you let your child ignore the teacher when she spoke to him it kind of says it all for me. I’m a pretty forgiving teacher, i don’t shout, I don’t think im regarded as strict but if a child ignored me in the playground at 9am, I’d bring it up once we were in the classroom and use it as a teaching point about manners (obviously different for non neurotypical children)
The behaviour iN schools has declined pretty rapidly and a huge part of it is because parents will not let their children be sad, will not accept that their children misbehave when they’re not there and will not support schools in discipline.

My advice would be to go and have a chat with the teacher but be prepared to hear things you might not like.

Also, in regards to it being petty to discipline a child over kicking a paper towel, teachers have to have higher expectations than parents.

if you’ve ever found it completely draining/exhausting to discipline your 2 or 3 children at home, can you imagine how difficult it is to keep 29 (in my case) of them in line, AND try to teach them things at the same time!!

Presumably most of these people send their kids to rough schools.

Star of the week at my children’s school is just that. Obviously everyone gets it at some point, but it is most usually given to the very bright and very well behaved children or children who have made a real effort with their work.

Don’t let these people make you question your child’s achievements.

Some teachers think that by giving the naughty or disruptive children constant rewards, such as star of the week helps with their behaviour.
Unfortunately, it rarely does, and just upsets the kids that are good.

And why didn't you tell him that he was rude when ignoring his teacher? If he's not learning how to be polite from you, then why not?

If your child behaves rudely to a teacher in front of you, I wonder how he behaves when you're not around.
Especially as he grows older.
Discipline begins at home.
Might be low level now but if he knows you don't call him up on being rude, you'll have some interesting teenage years to deal with.

I'm a secondary teacher (and parent), wait to hear from the school before coming to any conclusions, because often parents get told a very different version of events from their little cherubs and this is normal. What you do know so far is that he's been rude to the teacher in front of you at least once, was misbehaving in the bus Q, and has been moved seats several times. This tbh sounds very much like your son is not behaving well, and obviously there might be reasons for this. But please don't be one of those parents that bizarrely assume teachers choose a child randomly to pick on -this generally doesn't happen. I find parents are increasingly willing to accept anything other than their child being at fault and seem to have an automatic suspicion / hostility towards schools.

I'm sure it "generally" doesn't happen in the sense that 95 percent of teachers have no desire to single out particular students. But it also means that in the context of an entire country, it's going to occur often enough that students are likely to encounter at least one such teacher in the course of a school career.

Bullies are unfortunately to be found in all sectors of society, and I see no reason schoolteachers would be an exception to that. In fact, I would expect any latent bullying tendencies a person had to be more visible in a situation where an adult is powered to act "in loco parentis" over a child, since bullies thrive on power imbalances.

I've taught for 14 years and I've seen no evidence of that. To think teachers go into work everyday and single out a random 5 year old to be mean to just seems patently ridiculous tbh. it might have happened in the past but it just wouldn't fly now at all. However this way of thinking from parents is why it's becoming increasingly difficult to deal with actual bullies alongside any other poor behaviour. Parents like this this one will think it's their child that has that teacher from the 5% you mention, as that is more palatable than looking critically at their own childs behaviour. It's a shame because it makes schools pretty impotent in dealing with behaviour and that's to the detriment of every other child and their learning.

This.

Am wondering if the OP will change their name or whether in 7 or 8 years we will start seeing messages from them wondering why their teenager is a nightmare and no good with authority

But they start nursery they same time as ours

My DH boss was German and his DS was 2 weeks younger than DD. He didnt start infant school until my DD was year 2 , so same age as the OP's son.
He had a lot of problems settling in because he went from playing all day in nursery, to a far more formal setting than DD's year 2.
He was expected to mature over night , where as DD's experience of school was a very much gentler approach , with a gradual expectation of maturity.

OP I’d give DS a chance to settle in; it’s early in the term plus it’s a big jump from 1-2 and a new teacher is a big change after having the same one for 2 years. He is going to naturally focus on the teacher as the cause of his upset but there could be more factors at play.

My personal opinion is that you are also overreacting slightly. I do think some kids are wrapped up in cotton wool and parents place unrealistic expectations upon teachers to never do anything to upset their precious little ones. Life is often unfair and kids need to learn this: your son getting the blame for a misbehaving incident in which he was involved but was not the ringleader is a very minor thing and needs to be shrugged off rather than held up as abject unfairness.

I would assume that in the few cases where teachers bully particular students, they're not chosen at random, or even consciously chosen at all. There's just something about the victim that bothers them, whether body type, personality type, race, sexual orientation, etc. At least, that's how most bullies I've seen operate. I've also seen situations where multiple siblings go through a school one after the other, and one disruptive sibling ruins it for the others.

I would agree with you it probably happens much less than in the past. Even when I was in school (mid 2000s), there was a lot more teaching through fear, yelling, naming and shaming students, etc. than would be acceptable now. Of course, some of those teachers had been there long enough that they had, decades before, inflicted corporal punishment on students. It was always funny seeing the parents who had also attended the school acting nervous around Mr. Stevens, the assistant principal. Back in the 1970s he had been the gym teacher; the sad business of thrashing students had fallen to him.

I’m glad you have spoken to the teacher OP but I agree you need to engage with her more and try to find out what is going on and establish a line of communication.
No-one actually knows what is going on here, whether your son is struggling with normal discipline or whether the teacher is singling him out above others.
You are your child’s only advocate though and if he has gone from bright and happy to not wanting to attend school this needs your help to resolve. Some posters are labelling a young child as a rude boy instead of suggesting helping him recognise his non response to the teacher is a rude action and one he does need to change.
I hope you resolve this quickly as it can be incredibly hard to go into work if you feel your boss dislikes you never mind as a small child!
I’ve had amazing and inspiring teachers but I’ve also had one teacher who took against me and made me feel sick with fear and helplessness.