Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

Original poster

To expect teach to tell us ds is misbehaving?

15 replies

Fancysomethingsweet · 26/10/2023 21:52

DS went on an overnight trip this week with his school and when I picked him up he looked so sad. I kept asking him what’s wrong and he never told me he looked like he was holding something in.

He has told his dad today that his teacher keeps moving him. She moved him on the trip away from his friends. Then moved him again in the classroom today and let him sit on his own and told him he had been rude today.

He had the same teacher since nursery up until year 1 and he absolutely adored her and she couldn’t praise him enough.She never mentioned him being silly or misbehaving at all. But now with this new teacher something is obviously happening.

I know my son can be silly he is 6 after all and usually after telling him off once that is enough and he just stops.

I’m slightly concerned that she hasn’t said a word to us and the fact DS has brought it up and told dad whether it’s playing on his mind.

I have gone mad and told him off for messing about but then I’m wondering if she is picking on him a little bit?

Where do I go from here? Aibu to think she should have had a word with us by now?

OP posts:

ConnieTucker · 26/10/2023 21:57

I know my son can be silly he is 6 after all and usually after telling him off once that is enough and he just stops.
what is he doing to get told off so much at 6? Can you preempt that behaviour?
I know my son can be silly he is 6 after all and usually after telling him off once that is enough and he just stops.

I’m slightly concerned that she hasn’t said a word to us
because she has dealt with it. She moved him.

I have gone mad
was that appropriate with a six year old who was upset? Going mad seems a massive over reaction.

but then I’m wondering if she is picking on him a little bit?
but you began with how often you find his behaviour so bad youre telling him off!

ffs.

jesshomeEd · 26/10/2023 21:58

Maybe she didn't tell you because she was worried about you over reacting and going mad?

Motnight · 26/10/2023 21:59

The teacher would have to come down hard on bad behaviour during a school trip.

Andbreatheee · 26/10/2023 22:04

She might be quite wary of you not taking it rationally and calmly (I don't know you at all, I'm not saying this IS how you would react, only that this is my personal experience). As an early years teacher I wouldn't tell a parent if a child was low level misbehaving, I would deal with it internally, and if I was worried about the parent's reaction I would probably be extra cautious and wait and only approach parents if something more serious happened/ the child's behaviour could no longer be managed internally, and I had concrete evidence to back up what I was saying. If it was low level stuff then I wouldn't worry a parent with it, as it's absolutely standard of a lot of 6 yr olds!

Whiskerson · 26/10/2023 22:05

I guess if a teacher had to tell every parent each time she moved a child, she would spend hours each day updating parents and dealing with their responses! It doesn't sound like a huge deal - small kids do mess around, and teachers use classroom management techniques to keep order. It doesn't sound like he's done anything unusually bad or concerning, that she would feel the need to discuss with you. But I guess you can ask to discuss it with her if you are concerned.

Also like PPs am not sure why you "went mad" at him when he was already sad about it.

cansu · 26/10/2023 22:11

She probably hasn't told you as most parents cannot accept that kind of information without being defensive. No one seems to be able to accept that children can behave badly. It doesn't mean they aren't nice children but they are just kids who can be mean, silly or rude sometimes. Your comments about how his last teacher loved him and could the new one be picking on him are a good indicator of this. This is fairly standard these days so it is pretty pointless contacting parents about their children's low level silly behaviour. The standard responses are:

The teacher is not stimulating enough - he is bored.
The teacher does not understand his needs.
The teacher is picking on him - she has favourites. He has never had a problem before.
He used to love school so it must be her fault that he doesn't like it anymore.
I asked my five other mum friends and their children all say she is too strict. The other teacher was so lovely and nurturing.

You could buck the trend and decide instead that your little boy has been a bit of a pain at school and therefore the teacher has moved him away so he calms down and follows instructions.

Original poster

Fancysomethingsweet · 26/10/2023 22:13

i have met her a few times as I work full time DH does all school runs so no opportunity for her to paint a picture of me.

DS is very giggly and just silly it’s the only way I can describe always winding his sister up.

He also said when he came in from lunch she told him to go sit on a separate table to the rest of his class why would she do that coming in from lunch?

I don’t know maybe I’m overthinking it. Why did he randomly bring it up to his dad?

OP posts:

cansu · 26/10/2023 22:18

Why would she do that coming in from lunch?

Maybe he was being silly when lining up?
Maybe he was pushing and being silly coming into class?

Sending him to sit on another table so he can calm down is a sensible classroom management strategy and the sort of thing teachers do when they have a class of 30 six year olds to deal with.

If your ds can be silly with his sister, can you imagine how silly he can be with a group of other six year olds?

cansu · 26/10/2023 22:19

Maybe he brought it up because he is beginning to realise that this behaviour isn't great and it annoys others? Isn't this positive? Or would you prefer him to not care and carry on until it does become a big problem for his learning?

Whiskerson · 26/10/2023 22:21

Well I guess he brought it up to his dad because it was on his mind. It upset him. That's actually not the end of the world. It's normal that sometimes at school, a child gets told off, or has a run-in with another child, or is disappointed about something, and so naturally the upset child wants to chat about it with their parents. It doesn't mean anything unjust has necessarily occurred at school. It's good that he wants to chat to his dad about it instead of bottling it all up. Just let him express his feelings to you and your DH, and gently explore it with him. He probably just wants comfort, or to understand.

Don't make him feel like the teacher is against him. I had a parent who was always waging war on the school whenever I got into trouble, and it really didn't help - it wasn't constructive and caused me lots of worry that a child doesn't need. If you must, then just ask to meet with the teacher and remember you're both on the same team, and each have a valid (and perhaps incomplete) perspective.

Itsamumone · 26/10/2023 22:24

Why is your immediate conclusion that the teacher could be at fault? She is dealing with probably 25 kids at the same time, it’s like whack a mole at that age. She will be literally sprinting from one thing to the next fire fighting. If she was to have a word with every parent whose child she’d spoken to that day she’d be there hours. She is qualified to deal with these things and assess when to involve parents. There’s also so many arrogant parents now that will instantly turn on you if you dare suggest their child could have done something wrong so probably for fear of backlash she’s managing it and only confronting the parents of kids involved in the extreme incidents (which I’m sure there are plenty, daily). Your child obviously knows he’s been rude if he’s admitting getting told off for it. Buy her a box of chocolates, pray she doesn’t quit teaching (like me and thousands of others are about to) and leave it at that.

Notmetoo · 26/10/2023 22:26

You are being unreasonable for 'going mad' with a 6 year old. He was already been told off and been in trouble with his teacher for what ever happened why tell him.off again? Especially as you weren't there and have no idea what happened.
If your worried talk to the teacher. And also talk to your child but 'don't 'go mad with him '

PaperDoIIs · 26/10/2023 22:30

What country are you in OP?

Whiskerson · 26/10/2023 22:35

cansu · 26/10/2023 22:19

This is a really good point too. Children don't always naturally know how to behave in different contexts. I definitely remember the experience of doing something that I thought would make everyone chuckle with admiration, yet resulted only in disapproval. He may be confused about how his "harmless" high-jinks resulted in punishment, or maybe he knows he got carried away and wishes he was better able to control himself. It's good if he wants to understand and learn, and you can also reassure him that there's nothing wrong with him, but that different situations require different behaviour. E.g. running around is fine at the park, but causes chaos in the school hall at lunchtime.

mugboat · 26/10/2023 23:15

I have a rule with my kids, if they've been naughty at school and have been told off, I don't tell them off again at home... (except for one serious incident and I felt I needed to clamp down and add additional sanctions at home).

This way they're more inclined to be honest with me about what happened.

Moving kids away from friends in class/in line etc is pretty standard behaviour even for well behaved kids as they will chatter and ignore the teacher.

I think you're overthinking this 😊

Let your son talk to you about what's on his mind, empathise with him, offer advice and guidance... but don't worry about his behaviour unless the school come to you with concerns.

Flip