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AIBU?

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Original poster

DS keeps being moved at school

261 replies

Cupsoftea2 · 15/11/2023 09:27

Ds has recently gone into year 2 and has had a brand new teacher. He previously had the same teacher from nursery to year 1 and he was doing so well in school. He was getting star pupil every week loved his teacher and he was progressing so well.

New teacher keeps moving him pretty much everyday and the reasons he is giving us seem petty unless he is lying but I have no reason not to believe him. She hasn’t contacted us to tell us he’s been messing around or everything and we see her everyday.

We paid £100 for him to go on a school trip and when we picked him up he looked so sad my heart broke for him. He eventually told us that she told him he was being rude for kicking a paper towel and made him sit at the front of the coach away from his friends.

He went into school this morning and she said hi “DS” and he just walked past her. We also seen her on bonfire night and he didn’t even want to say hi then either. I have never seen him like this before ever.

Something in my gut isn’t sitting right! Surely if he was misbehaving so badly we would have some kind of contact? He is a good kid never had any issues with him ever.

OP posts:
cansu · 15/11/2023 19:29

Maybe the parent can start by pulling up her child when he blatantly ignored his teacher. Indicating that there is an issue leads to all the rubbish spouted on here already. My child is unhappy this year in this class. He was happy before so it must be the teacher who is too strict, unkind, picking on my child etc etc.
The OP knows what to do but they can't or don't want to do it.

GuessItsANameChange · 15/11/2023 19:35

cansu · 15/11/2023 19:29

Maybe the parent can start by pulling up her child when he blatantly ignored his teacher. Indicating that there is an issue leads to all the rubbish spouted on here already. My child is unhappy this year in this class. He was happy before so it must be the teacher who is too strict, unkind, picking on my child etc etc.
The OP knows what to do but they can't or don't want to do it.

Sorry but, if your scenario is true (and I doubt it is) then the teacher’s lying is a bigger problem than a sad 6 year old ignoring an adult on one occasion.

FloweryName · 15/11/2023 19:43

Cupsoftea2 · 15/11/2023 11:00

Wasn’t just him though they gave it to quite a few kids. My point is he’s never had one since he’s had his new teacher. So either his previous teacher was giving them out just to give them out I don’t know. But I have seen his friends taking them home with new teacher. It’s not a huge issue it’s just one of the things in my head.

Show quote history

If he was getting star of the week frequently in Y1, it could be that they were using it to encourage positive behaviour and your son got it regularly because he needed a lot of encouragement. There’s nothing wrong with that, there’s at least a couple of kids in every class whose behaviour is more challenging. It could easily just be consistent low level things that don’t warrant special meeting where the parent is called in.

Maybe the teaching styles are just very different and there’s nothing wrong with the teacher and it’s just that your son is struggling to adjust to different expectations that take more effort. It’s part of growing up and moving higher up the school.

Kattiekat · 15/11/2023 19:48

Calmly Contact the school and ask to meet with the teacher.

use an open minded, non confrontational approach. Be open to her suggestions or reasoning without being defensive. Even if inside you are screaming.

give positive suggestions to her comments.

this is the only way to get positive progress for your child.

remember time and reality can be abit muddled sometimes a when it comes to children relaying what has happened. For example no one played with me at break when really there was a few minutes when they were alone but to them it feels like a life time.

talk to the teacher. Work with her and I really hope your son starts to have a better experience.

johnd2 · 15/11/2023 19:50

Not really on topic but ignore all the people saying your child owes people a greeting, it's good to get the principle solid in your children that they don't owe anyone conversation, no matter who they are, whether a well meaning teacher or in twenty years time a pervy boss or whatever.
Don't forget that good old fashioned manners prepared the ground for the abuse that resulted in the meToo movement.

Talapia · 15/11/2023 19:54

Maybe next parents evening, the teacher can choose to ignore you!

After all, you don't have to speak to someone if you don't want to.

That's what you're teaching your kid.
Can't believe how ignorant you are about manners

Soontobe60 · 15/11/2023 19:55

First, teachers don’t give the same child star of the week every week!
Second, who in their right mind pays £100 for a school trip in Year 2.
Third, what do you mean by moving him every day?

StarlightLime · 15/11/2023 20:01

johnd2 · 15/11/2023 19:50

Not really on topic but ignore all the people saying your child owes people a greeting, it's good to get the principle solid in your children that they don't owe anyone conversation, no matter who they are, whether a well meaning teacher or in twenty years time a pervy boss or whatever.
Don't forget that good old fashioned manners prepared the ground for the abuse that resulted in the meToo movement.

Oh, give over 🙄

GuessItsANameChange · 15/11/2023 20:14

Kattiekat · 15/11/2023 19:48

Calmly Contact the school and ask to meet with the teacher.

use an open minded, non confrontational approach. Be open to her suggestions or reasoning without being defensive. Even if inside you are screaming.

give positive suggestions to her comments.

this is the only way to get positive progress for your child.

remember time and reality can be abit muddled sometimes a when it comes to children relaying what has happened. For example no one played with me at break when really there was a few minutes when they were alone but to them it feels like a life time.

talk to the teacher. Work with her and I really hope your son starts to have a better experience.

She’s already spoken to the teacher (page 4).

Tonia16 · 15/11/2023 20:20

johnd2 · 15/11/2023 19:50

Not really on topic but ignore all the people saying your child owes people a greeting, it's good to get the principle solid in your children that they don't owe anyone conversation, no matter who they are, whether a well meaning teacher or in twenty years time a pervy boss or whatever.
Don't forget that good old fashioned manners prepared the ground for the abuse that resulted in the meToo movement.

What nonsense. Of course children need to converse with their teachers, and there is no way that having good manners leads to future abusive situations.

Kattiekat · 15/11/2023 20:21

Thanks. Hadn’t seen that. I can’t see if she mentioned anything further though.

what is the teacher going to do about it? Just keep moving him?

has mum said she spoke with her child about talking in class?

because clearly that is what she should do. If he doesn’t want to move seats he should stop talking in lessons 🤷🏻‍♀️

Night409 · 15/11/2023 20:24

It sounds like it’s just low level behaviour and nothing worth ringing home about.

Lots of kids will play up around certain other kids too and so it’s not necessarily just your son.

Its sometimes just about letting him sit next to his friends but then using this as a way to control behaviour.

I wouldn’t worry too much as I’m sure if his behaviour gets worse she will let you know.

Bailar · 15/11/2023 20:27

OP, I am with you on this one, you say you have a gut feeling that something isn't right. There are so many posters who are saying your DS is rude after ignoring this teacher, but some teachers are vindictive, and it sounds as if this particular teacher is making an example of this child, may be trying to humiliate him, as a 9 year old I remember a horrible class teacher, who used to openly discuss some of the pupils with the rest of the class, saying they were smelly, and that one of them in particular would end up in prison !
If this teacher has a problem with your DS she should be called out on it, has there been a parents' evening yet? Your son has a right to ignore her if she is making his life difficult, better to ignore her than telling her what she is.
Please note this child did not have a problem last term, it sounds as if he enjoyed school until now.

Lucyintheskywithadiamond · 15/11/2023 21:01

johnd2 · 15/11/2023 19:50

Not really on topic but ignore all the people saying your child owes people a greeting, it's good to get the principle solid in your children that they don't owe anyone conversation, no matter who they are, whether a well meaning teacher or in twenty years time a pervy boss or whatever.
Don't forget that good old fashioned manners prepared the ground for the abuse that resulted in the meToo movement.

What a load of ignorant BS, I am embarrassed for you!

StarlightLime · 15/11/2023 21:18

Bailar · 15/11/2023 20:27

OP, I am with you on this one, you say you have a gut feeling that something isn't right. There are so many posters who are saying your DS is rude after ignoring this teacher, but some teachers are vindictive, and it sounds as if this particular teacher is making an example of this child, may be trying to humiliate him, as a 9 year old I remember a horrible class teacher, who used to openly discuss some of the pupils with the rest of the class, saying they were smelly, and that one of them in particular would end up in prison !
If this teacher has a problem with your DS she should be called out on it, has there been a parents' evening yet? Your son has a right to ignore her if she is making his life difficult, better to ignore her than telling her what she is.
Please note this child did not have a problem last term, it sounds as if he enjoyed school until now.

This post is utter nonsense.

kezzykicks · 15/11/2023 21:32

It sounds as if the teacher and your son just don't gel well for whatever reason. Obviously the teacher should be professional and shouldn't have favourites but in reality sometimes teacher do find a certain student a bit more annoying particularly if they engage in a lot of low level poor behaviour. Also they may be struggling a bit with class control so trying to quash all messing around (like kicking tissue, playing with a ruler) whereas if the former teacher had better behaviour management in general they could let a few things like that go. I would try and meet with the teacher and/or head and express concerns about his recent dislike for going to school, he is still so little and it's sad if he is finding school so tough already.

Mumaway · 15/11/2023 21:33

This. My people-pleaser DD1 keeps getting moved to sit next to the little shits in the class to help keep the peace. Words will be had a parents evening tomorrow

mumuwarriorisback · 15/11/2023 21:40

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

snackatack · 15/11/2023 23:52

There is a crisis in recruiting and retaining teachers. One of the reasons for this is that there is no to little respect for the work they do.

This idea that you don't need to have manners or be respectful to someone who is helping you is part of that problem. If you are greeted in a cheery way by someone you work with - not matter how horrible you find them - it is polite to acknowledge them. This is a 'soft life skill' , that the child will do well to learn.

The OP lacks basic respect, if their child is 'complaining' about school, or showing changes in personality - the best thing to do is talk openly with the teacher, not bury their head and be in denial. It is important the child understands they are in school to learn, and part of that is 'towing the line'.

KillerTomato7 · 16/11/2023 00:07

Shame on you! If you allow this behavior with kicking towels to escalate, you'll be lucky if he doesn't end up a war criminal before he's 30. This is always how it starts!

Somewhereoverthersinbowweighapie · 16/11/2023 00:09

Op you need to ignore most of the replies on here. Most people have no idea what is age appropriate behaviour. You have contacted the teacher, which is the first step. It’s ok to ask the teacher what is happening. Your son is only telling his side, the teacher will have their own version of what is happening. The truth is usually somewhere in between. You might get a more accurate picture from the other children in the class. We all struggle to click with some people, and it sounds like it might be that your ds buts heads with the teacher, and is being treated a little unfairly. We have all walked down a different isle in the supermarket to avoid a horrible boss or colleague, you son not wanting to say hello to somebody he sees as making his life hell is a very normal reaction. You don’t need to humiliate him publicly if this happens, maybe a quiet word at home.
When you meet the teacher be careful how you word your concerns. Make sure the teacher knows you want to work with them, you aren’t there to blame them for anything. After the meeting trust you gut, if you think they are picking on you son try to discreetly get another perspective, if you are close with any other parents in the class get them to ask their kids about what your son is like.

Once you feel like you have a balanced picture of what is going on, then decide if you want to take it further, or give your son tips on how to cope with having a rubbish teacher. I hope it gets sorted, having a teacher that doesn’t like you is awful.

cardibach · 16/11/2023 00:14

UndertheCedartree · 15/11/2023 11:29

I'm very concerned you don't seem to understand that that moment wasn't the one to be 'teaching' manners. Manners are mainly learned through imitation not by 'hauling' DC around and lecturing them.

Edited
Show quote history

Where did I mention hauling?

HMW1906 · 16/11/2023 00:14

Your child is disruptive, stop trying to blame the teacher and parent him. 🙄

ClairDeLaLune · 16/11/2023 00:24

It seems you think your precious angel can do no wrong OP. It’s rude of him to ignore a teacher, it’s dangerous to be out of his seat kicking something around on a bus, and it’s annoying that he’s being disruptive chatting in class. Please sort your son’s behaviour out and stop being THAT parent. Year 2 is a more important and serious year than reception and year 1. You need to stop indulging him.

cardibach · 16/11/2023 00:25

donnaelle · 15/11/2023 17:51

why should the child be forced to speak to someone they dont want to? does a child have less rights than an adult because i wouldnt be polite and talk to someone who i felt was making my life a misery so why should a child.

This is nonsense. I’ve worked for actual bullying mangers (which RBI’s teacher isn’t - she’s nit ‘making his life a misery’ she’s moving him from his friends so they can all work). I still had to speak to them - not just ‘good morning’ but constructive discussion. Of course you would speak politely in that situation.