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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

MIL said I embarrassed her in front of her family. WIBU?

542 replies

Bigredjumper · 14/11/2023 21:15

Ar the weekend, my partner and I hosted a family get together for his mother, aunt, cousin and her husband and children. I offered to cook for the get together.

A few weeks before, his cousin messaged saying that she is trying to cut UPFs from her children's diet and asked me to let her know if this would be an issue so she could bring good food with her. I thanked her for letting me know and we agreed I'd run everything past her to make sure she was comfortable with her children eating it. I enjoy cooking so I had absolutely no issue with this; I want to reduce the amount of UPFs I eat anyway.

I decided to make fajitas three ways (chicken, steak and halloumi). The only things I could think of which might not be okay were:

Dried herbs/spices
Cathedral city cheese
Sour cream
Tomato paste (from a local deli, not the tomato puree in a tube)
Oliver oil (from the same deli)

Partner's cousin assured me these were fine for her and her family. I made the tortillas myself, and the meat came from a local butchers. I also made sweet potato fries and a big mumsnetty salad.

I thought the get together went well and everyone seemed to enjoy the food.

My partner's mother text me today saying she cannot believe I thought it was okay to serve her family such junk food. She said I'd embarrassed her and my partner in front of her sister and I should think long and hard before agreeing to host anyone again.

I couldn't believe what I was reading. My partner and his cousin have assured me that there was absolutely nothing wrong with what I served and to ignore her. But I can't stop thinking I did something wrong and should have served something healthier. Especially considering there were children.

So WIBU? Apologies this is so long!

OP posts:
ScruffGin · 14/11/2023 21:17

She sounds batshit crazy. We avoid UPFs and would love that meal!
Ignore her.

FetchezLaVache · 14/11/2023 21:17

Does your MIL have form for this kind of thing??

Pinkpinkplonk · 14/11/2023 21:17

Surely she’s winding you up!!

Marwoodsbigbreak · 14/11/2023 21:18

What a fucking bitch your MIL is!

Does she have form?

I would not respond and would never have her in my house again. If you really feel the need, you could contact the cousin directly, but I bet she’s totally mystified.

Sexlivesofthepotatomen · 14/11/2023 21:19

Eh? She's either having some sort of breakdown or there's got to be more to this

Renamed · 14/11/2023 21:19

Are you serious? What an absolute cow

Theunamedcat · 14/11/2023 21:19

So her sister had an issue with the food?

Wasywasydoodah · 14/11/2023 21:21

umm, tell her you’ve got no plans to host her ever again unless she apologises for such a rude comment? Or just let it slide…

Gerrataere · 14/11/2023 21:21

‘Don’t worry MiL, we will certainly not be hosting you again. Those who were gracious and thankful before and after the meal will be more than welcome to return to our ‘terrible hosting’ anytime though as dinner seem to have gone down very well with X and her family!’.

LolaSmiles · 14/11/2023 21:21

There has to be more to this. Does your MIL have an awkward relationship with her sister or one that's got a nasty competitive underside?

ZorbaTheHoarder · 14/11/2023 21:21

You did nothing wrong, OP - In fact you did something very nice - going to such efforts to make a lovely healthy meal.

Your MIL, however, has been unbelievably rude in sending you that message!

Your DH should be getting her to apologise to you!

Don't stand for such a horrible and insulting message!

SgtJuneAckland · 14/11/2023 21:22

That's healthy fresh food! How is it junk?!

MCOut · 14/11/2023 21:22

Huh? I can’t see anything wrong with what you served. What did she want, more formal dinner party food? Are you sure she’s not joking?

27icey · 14/11/2023 21:23

I'm a food purist and this meal sounds like heaven. You made the tortillas yourself ffs! MIL sounds like a massive snob that doesn't understand food.

Redkite11 · 14/11/2023 21:23

I think your MIL has very poor manners. You never complain to a host about their food. Everyone knows that. Disgraceful behaviour. Is she usually so odious and dreadful?

in any event, the food sounds lovely and perfectly appropriate. It’s no longer the 1970s. People no longer use punch bowls and silver cutlery for dinner parties.

MintJulia · 14/11/2023 21:23

She's either been on the cooking sherry or she doesn't actually understand what UPFs are.

I'd reply, saying none of the food was ultra-processed, it was all made by hand from quality ingredients, and you find her attitude unnecessary. And then I'd turn my phone off.

Let her stew, ignorant woman.

Bedbynoon · 14/11/2023 21:24

The cousin was bu and bloody rude dictating the meal, surely you would just let the kids eat whatever just this once if someone is kind enough to cook bar any allergies of course. Having to run everything by her first? Fuck that !!The Mil is crazy too. I wouldn’t have anything to do with the lot of them. Weirdos.

BackOfTheMum5net · 14/11/2023 21:24

Sounds delicious and balanced. She can get to fuck!

I wonder if it’s a generational thing - does she view eating with your fingers akin to burgers ie fast food?

I’d be tempted to respond, “Definitely not fast food - it took me all day to prepare it.”!

AutumnCrow · 14/11/2023 21:25

Really? Goodness, what a thing to do.

Avatartar · 14/11/2023 21:25

Just reply with you’ve heard from the people she’s upset for, they had a great time and absolutely loved your meal,as did your partner. Don’t make any other comment and let your reply hang there

Gerrataere · 14/11/2023 21:26

I will add @Bigredjumper (on rereading the op) that your cousin was pretty damn rude putting such stipulations in place over the dinner. Allergies very obviously should be avoided, but for one family get together you’ve had to double check the slightest ingredient just because she’s a faddy ‘ultra’ mummy. Sounds like the whole family is difficult in their own way to be honest. For the sake of one night they could all get a sodding grip.

RusemaneGanche · 14/11/2023 21:26

Is your MIL normally the cook/the hostess with mostest?! I bet she's jealous you made such a fantastic meal. It's put her nose out of joint so she's attacking your self esteem.

Reminds me of a former colleague. She'd been at the company decades. I'd been there a few months on a temp position. I was regularly commended for my work and was offered a permanent position. She didn't like it one bit, so would keep telling me I was doing everything wrong, or sabotaging my work, or doing things wrong deliberately and trying to pin it on me.

Sounds like your MIL is behaving similarly. You've stolen her thunder and she doesn't like it.

Forgotmycoat · 14/11/2023 21:26

Could she be jealous of the great spread you put on. Cos that sounds mouthwateringly good.

I would tell her that 'cousin was happy with menu beforehand, if mil thinks that's junk food she doesn't know what she's talking about, it's my house, I'll host as when I feel like but mil shouldn't come if she feels like making rude comments.'
I absolutely would have to respond to that, If you don't she will think she can walk all over you.

Catsfrontbum · 14/11/2023 21:26

That is insane.

I would go straight to the source, and gently query and apologise.

MIL is-
horrible for saying anything. How ungrateful
massively in the wrong what you served sounded lovely and not processed!!

Mummymummy89 · 14/11/2023 21:26

Home made tortillas is next-level wholesome. You went above and beyond there! Yanbu

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