MIL said I embarrassed her in front of her family. WIBU?

[Bigredjumper]

Ar the weekend, my partner and I hosted a family get together for his mother, aunt, cousin and her husband and children. I offered to cook for the get together.

A few weeks before, his cousin messaged saying that she is trying to cut UPFs from her children's diet and asked me to let her know if this would be an issue so she could bring good food with her. I thanked her for letting me know and we agreed I'd run everything past her to make sure she was comfortable with her children eating it. I enjoy cooking so I had absolutely no issue with this; I want to reduce the amount of UPFs I eat anyway.

I decided to make fajitas three ways (chicken, steak and halloumi). The only things I could think of which might not be okay were:

Dried herbs/spices
Cathedral city cheese
Sour cream
Tomato paste (from a local deli, not the tomato puree in a tube)
Oliver oil (from the same deli)

Partner's cousin assured me these were fine for her and her family. I made the tortillas myself, and the meat came from a local butchers. I also made sweet potato fries and a big mumsnetty salad.

I thought the get together went well and everyone seemed to enjoy the food.

My partner's mother text me today saying she cannot believe I thought it was okay to serve her family such junk food. She said I'd embarrassed her and my partner in front of her sister and I should think long and hard before agreeing to host anyone again.

I couldn't believe what I was reading. My partner and his cousin have assured me that there was absolutely nothing wrong with what I served and to ignore her. But I can't stop thinking I did something wrong and should have served something healthier. Especially considering there were children.

So WIBU? Apologies this is so long!

It sounds like she was expecting something more formal.
But that's on her.

What you served was fine

If someone was kind enough to host and cook for me, I wouldn't dream of asking for a certain type of food, so I think the cousin was rude and your MIL is even more rude.

I’m not convinced her age is relevant unless she’s quite elderly.

I am in my sixties and regularly make fajitas (from a kit) ☺️ and have done so for about 25 years or more.

She just sounds like a jealous bitch to me. Ignore her OP. No point in engaging with batshit. Drop the rope.

No definitely not me!

She sounds bat-shit crazy.
Oh well, one less for you to host - ever again.

She sounds vile, jealous and super bitchy.
I would send her the complete list of ingredients and let her know you made everything from scratch and tell her if she behaves like this again she is not welcome in your home and you expect an apology. Keep it calm but to the point. Do not let this horrible jealous woman do this to you and she is probably talking to other's also, just jealous that you did a lovely homemade meal that was tasty and delicious.

I would just go back and say everyone enjoyed it, sorry she didnt but don’t worry when you host again you won’t invite her so she won’t be embarrassed

Edited as I saw your partner is cross as well

“Hi MIL. Thanks for the feedback. Here’s some for you:

I cannot believe you think it’s okay to be so unbelievably rude about food I prepared for you as a guest in my home. You’ve embarrassed yourself and I’m embarrassed for you. I’ll certainly be thinking long and hard before hosting you again.

All the best, Bigred”

Sounds like she expected dinner at the buckets residence rather then dinner with family including children. It sounds delicious btw definitely ignore her.

Gotta agree. You're being pushed around and scapegoated. Full apology or MIL can fuck off. Even if she thought the food was disgusting, she should have kept her opinion to herself.

I don't think this is about UPFs though. My stepdad really only eats 'british' food and is incredibly judgy about 'foreign' food. He'd view fajitas as something you'd get from a takeaway, so it's 'junk'. (Actually he'd say 'foreign rubbish') Especially he'd hate the help yourself/build your own style of food that is fajitas.

He's a total arse like, and I don't let him away with it. Nor should you accept that from MIL.

Can I ask how you made the tortillas? Do you have one of those press thingies or just on the hob?

Yes this. I have a relative who thinks in a very similar way. They don't think it to be junk food in the usual sense but rather just not a proper meal...referred to as 'bin food' once. Don't ask, drives me nuts. They also don't like pasta so probably a psychopath.

Smashing. Mil doesn't get an invite next time.

I think she expected a three course sit down dinner party with a sea bass and samphire or steak and vegetables type main.

I think the food sounds lovely. It is more casual food but if it's a nice family dinner not a formal event then it sounds lovely. You went to so much effort too and did a lovely variety.

Unfortunately I think it wasn't what she had in mind. I think she's horrendously rude but I think I understand why she is upset (albeit I disagree). If she thinks having people to dinner is nice cutlery and fancy food then fajitas to her probably felt like it wasn't proper dinner.

Your meal sounds lovely and I think I’ll do the same when family next visit! Ignore mil.

I think I'd want to ask her what her definition of "junk food" was, as the dictionary says that it's "pre-prepared or packaged food that has low nutritional value" and as you made 99% of it from scratch and it was a healthy mix (carbs, protein, veg/fruit), you don't understand what aspect of it was junk. I'd probably also be tempted to ask if she had a problem with foreign food,reflecting perhaps a racist attitude? And I'd want to tell her that with that attitude she wasn't welcome any more anyway, and that probably suited everyone.

In practice, I'd probably make my first point about junk food, but in an apologetic keeping the peace way: "Sorry, my dictionary says that junk food is pre-prepared or packaged food that has low nutritional value, and that doesn't apply to what I cooked, so does your dictionary say something else?" and just try to avoid her as much as possible in future, as rifts in families do make life difficult!

Is she more of a roast dinner type?

WTF that sounds lovely!

You can cook for me anytime OP - your MIL sounds awful.

😮I can't believe you think you might be being unreasonable!
Her response is as rude as she could possibly be (unless she also called you a whore) and you're fretting about if there were too many carbs and calories?! For a celebration meal in my house, the MORE carbs and calories the better!

But seriously, if you had served a choice of fish finger sandwiches or chip butties, garnished with chicken nuggets, she would still be off-the-charts rude. As in, I'm astonished she could find it in her to write that message to anyone.

I wouldn't be able to rise above that bullshit I'm afraid. I think I'd tell her exactly what a twat she's being.

I have a very judgemental MIL so I've learned to generally disregard anything super-judgemental people think, because generally it's their problem, and they get judgy on other people's behalf even when the other people are quite clear they are perfectly happy about the issue in question, which is stupid.

I did them on the hob in a frying pan. Used a BBC good foods recipe. It was fairly simple, though making enough for nine people took bloody ages!!!

The cousin was bu and bloody rude dictating the meal, surely you would just let the kids eat whatever just this once if someone is kind enough to cook bar any allergies of course. Having to run everything by her first? Fuck that !!The Mil is crazy too. I wouldn’t have anything to do with the lot of them. Weirdos.

Agree with this, even Dr Chris Van Tulleken who wrote the book on UPF eats what is put in front of him at other peoples houses and does not dictate what they cook for him. If anyone is interested he has been interviewed by Steven Bartlett on ‘Diary of a CEO’ on YouTube and talks about this.

I would Deliveroo MIL a Big Mac and thereafter resolve not to cook for her again or waste any more time worrying about her peculiar ideals.

The fajitas sound amazeballs! Invite me instead 😁