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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

MIL said I embarrassed her in front of her family. WIBU?

542 replies

Bigredjumper · 14/11/2023 21:15

Ar the weekend, my partner and I hosted a family get together for his mother, aunt, cousin and her husband and children. I offered to cook for the get together.

A few weeks before, his cousin messaged saying that she is trying to cut UPFs from her children's diet and asked me to let her know if this would be an issue so she could bring good food with her. I thanked her for letting me know and we agreed I'd run everything past her to make sure she was comfortable with her children eating it. I enjoy cooking so I had absolutely no issue with this; I want to reduce the amount of UPFs I eat anyway.

I decided to make fajitas three ways (chicken, steak and halloumi). The only things I could think of which might not be okay were:

Dried herbs/spices
Cathedral city cheese
Sour cream
Tomato paste (from a local deli, not the tomato puree in a tube)
Oliver oil (from the same deli)

Partner's cousin assured me these were fine for her and her family. I made the tortillas myself, and the meat came from a local butchers. I also made sweet potato fries and a big mumsnetty salad.

I thought the get together went well and everyone seemed to enjoy the food.

My partner's mother text me today saying she cannot believe I thought it was okay to serve her family such junk food. She said I'd embarrassed her and my partner in front of her sister and I should think long and hard before agreeing to host anyone again.

I couldn't believe what I was reading. My partner and his cousin have assured me that there was absolutely nothing wrong with what I served and to ignore her. But I can't stop thinking I did something wrong and should have served something healthier. Especially considering there were children.

So WIBU? Apologies this is so long!

OP posts:
Salome61 · 14/11/2023 21:51

So very sorry. I would have to go round and see her and have this out.

I'm 66 and have only recently realised about UPF, your menu was very thoughtful.

catchmewhenifall · 14/11/2023 21:51

Sounds yummy! And I'm craving them now.

I can only think she might've thought fajitas a bit unsophisticated?

Thepeopleversuswork · 14/11/2023 21:51

They sound completely unhinged. I think the partner's cousin messaging you ahead of time with a list of demands is bad enough: precious and fastidious and you were very gracious to meet her half way. But the MIL is off the chart rude. I think that would be a dealbreaker for me and I wouldn't want anything to do with her.

GrannyAchingsShepherdsHut · 14/11/2023 21:51

I'd just respond that that's fine, you won't invite her again so she needn't worry about a repeat performance. And I'd absolutely mean it.

Definitely sounds like she was objecting to it being 'foreign'. And the 'if you don't know' is code for 'I'm racist but I can't say that so I'll just bluster at you instead'

TimetoPour · 14/11/2023 21:52

Before reading your updates, my first thought was it’s not a knife & fork/ meat and two veg dinner.

She is clearly a stuffy, miserable hag and doesn’t deserve your concern.

TeaGinandFags · 14/11/2023 21:52

It soumds as if the UPF food she objects to is UnParalleled Food.

Obviously eaten up by jealousy.

DP has told her so ignore her and don't think any further about her nonsense.

JuJuHeyHey · 14/11/2023 21:53

Sounds like she's got a problem with the style of meal/cuisine rather than it being UPF. The eating with a knife and fork thing smacks of fear of 'foreign' food maybe?? Perhaps she was expecting a full roast or beef wellington or some such.

rookiemere · 14/11/2023 21:53

Well "I'd certainly think long and hard" before hosting her again, like when hell freezes over.

I would ignore it and let your DH deal with it, but take pleasure in never offering her any food or refreshments in your house again - until you get an apology . She wants a cup of tea - DH can make her one, or she knows where the kettle is.

marmaladeandpeanutbutter · 14/11/2023 21:54

She is an ungrateful piece of work. Tell her to host herself in future.

Allwelcone · 14/11/2023 21:54

Birdcar · 14/11/2023 21:46

Is she more of a roast dinner type?

How hurtful OP!
some older people are totally freaked out by "foreign" food and she might categorise fajitas as Macdonalds type food. But thats no excuse at all.

Geepee71 · 14/11/2023 21:55

I'd say her issue is more about you serving food that you eat with your hands rather than a knife and fork.

Some strange people just don't like eating messy foods.

CynicalOne · 14/11/2023 21:56

Has your DH checked in with his mum? She might have had a stroke! Barring any life threatening conditions, just ignore her! She sounds a bit…odd…!

Original poster
Bigredjumper · 14/11/2023 21:56

I hadn't considered there being a racist element to her reaction. She's only mid 50s and lives in a very multi cultural city. I can't recall her ever saying anything overtly racist. She generally does eat quite traditional British food, but we've been to Italian and Indian restaurants with her before.

My partner has asked me not to message her again. He's told her she isn't welcome in our home again without an explanation and apology. I've blocked her number for now.

Thank you all for reassuring me! And making me laugh. I think next time I'll clarify with people before hand if I'm not planning a proper sit down dinner.

Also, I had no problem with his cousin letting me know she avoids UPFs for her children. She was happy to bring food for them if I wasn't able/didn't want to cater to this.

OP posts:
opalescent · 14/11/2023 21:56

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

PlaidCushionProductions · 14/11/2023 21:56

I’ve thought long and hard and realised my grave mistake, so next time we’re not inviting you MIL 💪

SavBlancTonight · 14/11/2023 21:57

Lots of people think that if a food is one that is often served as fast food, it is inherently unhealthy.

It's bollocks.

momonpurpose · 14/11/2023 21:58

Can I just say how impressed I am you made tortillas. I'm a good cook. I'm Mexican I actually live 45 minuets from Mexico. My one attempt at tortillas turned out to be crackers. Straight to the trash. Also you MIL is batshit and I'm so glad you have a supportive dp

AllTangledUpInTitlesAndTiaras · 14/11/2023 21:58

She said I'd embarrassed her and my partner in front of her sister and I should think long and hard before agreeing to host anyone again.

Great! I would never agree to host her again.

Renamed · 14/11/2023 21:58

Still confused about what her high food standards are, what would she have liked? Just the salad? Raw organic steak a la Jordan Peterson? Caviar and oysters and a string quartet?

Startyabastard · 14/11/2023 21:59

You let her know on every ingredient what you were doing even with a very healthy meal already. She's crazy.
I'd be very happy with it.

Epidote · 14/11/2023 21:59

Olive oil, herbs and cheese are not UPFs if the quality is the correct one.
I think your meal was good but I think your MIL was thinking more of a Sunday roast without gravy.

ExplodingSmittens · 14/11/2023 21:59

My partner's mother text me today saying she cannot believe I thought it was okay to serve her family such junk food. She said I'd embarrassed her and my partner in front of her sister and I should think long and hard before agreeing to host anyone again

I would. I would give very serious thought to ever hosting her in my one ever again.

Has she got got for being quite mad and very rude?

IMustDoMoreExercise · 14/11/2023 22:00

I just think that she is not used to eating totillas and is behind the times (as am I).

I have never eaten tortillas and would think it odd as a main meal. I am nearly 60. But I have heard of them and would not think that you had embarassed me.

Gardeningtime · 14/11/2023 22:01

That was incredibly rude of her. Shockingly so.

im assuming , rightly or wrongly, she sees fajitas as junk, and was expecting something more formal as you say. It was a fun meal and she equated it with McDonald’s.. She simply sees fajitas as junk.

shes an idiot, and she’s rude.id stay away till she apologises. Your meal sounds fab by the way.

ScribblingPixie · 14/11/2023 22:01

It sounds like she thought the food was similar in style to something you'd get in a fast food restaurant and therefore unhealthy and downmarket. It seems like she doesn't really understand food or nutrition and was just thinking 'we're using our hands so it's like a McDonald's'?

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