MIL said I embarrassed her in front of her family. WIBU?

[Bigredjumper]

Ar the weekend, my partner and I hosted a family get together for his mother, aunt, cousin and her husband and children. I offered to cook for the get together.

A few weeks before, his cousin messaged saying that she is trying to cut UPFs from her children's diet and asked me to let her know if this would be an issue so she could bring good food with her. I thanked her for letting me know and we agreed I'd run everything past her to make sure she was comfortable with her children eating it. I enjoy cooking so I had absolutely no issue with this; I want to reduce the amount of UPFs I eat anyway.

I decided to make fajitas three ways (chicken, steak and halloumi). The only things I could think of which might not be okay were:

Dried herbs/spices
Cathedral city cheese
Sour cream
Tomato paste (from a local deli, not the tomato puree in a tube)
Oliver oil (from the same deli)

Partner's cousin assured me these were fine for her and her family. I made the tortillas myself, and the meat came from a local butchers. I also made sweet potato fries and a big mumsnetty salad.

I thought the get together went well and everyone seemed to enjoy the food.

My partner's mother text me today saying she cannot believe I thought it was okay to serve her family such junk food. She said I'd embarrassed her and my partner in front of her sister and I should think long and hard before agreeing to host anyone again.

I couldn't believe what I was reading. My partner and his cousin have assured me that there was absolutely nothing wrong with what I served and to ignore her. But I can't stop thinking I did something wrong and should have served something healthier. Especially considering there were children.

So WIBU? Apologies this is so long!

She wouldn't be stepping over my threshold ever again. Has your DP spoken to her about this?

Unspeakably rude and unjustified. It's hard to decide whether it even deserves a response. In your shoes, I would probably take the higher ground by simply ignoring her altogether and reducing contact.

She's very unreasonable.
Is she jealous that she wasn't invited?

Did she think it was a fajita kit?
I think the dish sounds lovely and you were very considerate running ingredients past the cousin first.
I suggest you get DP to speak to his mum and say that @Bigredjumper cooked everything from scratch and made a big effort and he does not appreciate these messages and she should apologise !

Definitely not joking. I asked her to clarify what was wrong with what I served, but she just said if I didn't know, there was no hope. I have no idea whether her sister has said anything. We generally get on well (I thought) but she does have very high standards. I was absolutely shocked when I read her message.

I guess the dairy and (homemade) guacamole is quite high in calories? And carbs from the tortilla wraps. She did eat the fajitas with a knife and fork, rather than picking them up like everyone else. Maybe that's what she meant.

My partner is furious with her and has made clear that she isn't welcome in our house. His cousin was very confused and called to assured she that she and her family loved the meal and we made plans go meet up again soon without parents.

None of what you have listed is ultra processed, your MIL needs to educate herself on what UPF actually are, and while she is at it, learn some basic manners and I would be telling her so in no uncertain terms.

She sounds like you ordered McDonald's for everyone 😅

If your mother in law is of a similar age or background to my parents, she may well view food such as fajitas as 'foreign' and 'not proper food', simply because it's not meat and two veg fare. We once went to a large event where things like fajitas and curry were served, and my parents got them to buy ready made pies from Tesco freezer for them. The host asked if I needed said frozen pie too and I was horrified. Mainly because I love fajitas and curry etc! Both to cook and eat.
I'd ignore her and, if your partner's cousin was happy with what you served (given they had particular food requirements), forget the whole thing if you can do.

Is she of the opinion that "foreign" food isn't good enough or something equally unpleasant?

While I was writing, you wrote that she ate the fajitas with knife and fork, @Bigredjumper
I think this is the issue, she sees fajitas as fast food or not proper food because you don't use a knife and fork?

I’m glad your partner has been supportive and given her what for, you don’t see that often on here.

Is she a meat-and-two-veg kind of person? I have some elderly relatives who would expect a gravy dinner followed by apple crumble and custard if invited to a family meal.

Whatever her problem with your menu, she's been unpardonably rude. I'm cringing! I would probably reply that it's a shame she didn't appreciate the meal, and it's best that she does all the catering for her own family from now on.

@Bigredjumper you haven’t elaborated on whether MIL has form for this kind of behaviour. I am guessing she does, as DH is so furious too.

She sounds jealous and best avoided as much as humanly possible.

What the heck?! My mouth is watering at what you cooked. It sounds amazing!

Are you the poster whose thread about UPFs was deleted earlier today because it was actually a big weird advert?

OMG, she is so ungrateful! How bloody rude!

I'm glad DH has your back. So often on MN you see the opposite.
I couldn't be polite with this one. She is incredibly rude and I would be telling her so and agreeing that no, you absolutely will never be hosting HER again and not to expect future invites to your home. I'd then block. If she wants to communicate with your DH she can do so. How dare she?

I agree with pp, she’s low key racist. Mexican food, eaten with hands, is just not sophisticated enough for her.

Sounds like she thinks food that you eat with your hands is 'common'. She is definitely BU though.

That’s horrible I’m sorry. That food sounds delicious.

Even if you had served junk, it's really none of her business. It's as simple as that. It's also not up to her who you host and when. She's very welcome to never to be hosted by you if that's what she wants

She’s completely mad

Just say ‘are you feeling unwell MIL, cos all that was Very Healthy indeed. But if you don’t like it, no need to come again!’

Interesting she said you’d embarrassed her and ‘your partner’… does she think a women’s job is to make her husband proud with her housewifery and domestic showcasing? My God how depressing in this day and age. I’d definitely text a one-liner to say she wouldn’t have to worry about being hosted ever again. What a stupid woman.

I make pretty much everything from scratch and that sounds absolutely yummy and perfect for a fun sociable evening.

She's never been directly rude to me before. We've always had a friendly relationship, though we aren't particularly close. She does have high standards and I've seen her be judgey about other people before, but this is the first time I've been on the receiving end!