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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

MIL said I embarrassed her in front of her family. WIBU?

542 replies

Bigredjumper · 14/11/2023 21:15

Ar the weekend, my partner and I hosted a family get together for his mother, aunt, cousin and her husband and children. I offered to cook for the get together.

A few weeks before, his cousin messaged saying that she is trying to cut UPFs from her children's diet and asked me to let her know if this would be an issue so she could bring good food with her. I thanked her for letting me know and we agreed I'd run everything past her to make sure she was comfortable with her children eating it. I enjoy cooking so I had absolutely no issue with this; I want to reduce the amount of UPFs I eat anyway.

I decided to make fajitas three ways (chicken, steak and halloumi). The only things I could think of which might not be okay were:

Dried herbs/spices
Cathedral city cheese
Sour cream
Tomato paste (from a local deli, not the tomato puree in a tube)
Oliver oil (from the same deli)

Partner's cousin assured me these were fine for her and her family. I made the tortillas myself, and the meat came from a local butchers. I also made sweet potato fries and a big mumsnetty salad.

I thought the get together went well and everyone seemed to enjoy the food.

My partner's mother text me today saying she cannot believe I thought it was okay to serve her family such junk food. She said I'd embarrassed her and my partner in front of her sister and I should think long and hard before agreeing to host anyone again.

I couldn't believe what I was reading. My partner and his cousin have assured me that there was absolutely nothing wrong with what I served and to ignore her. But I can't stop thinking I did something wrong and should have served something healthier. Especially considering there were children.

So WIBU? Apologies this is so long!

OP posts:
Runnerinthenight · 14/11/2023 22:30

I'd have told her not to worry because I would never host her again. And don't!!

Good for your partner. Glad he's standing up for you.

JellyIegs · 14/11/2023 22:32

Invite her for Christmas and serve nothing but turkey dinosaurs

828Pax · 14/11/2023 22:33

She sounds batshit crazy!! I'd reply & assure her that you will never cook for her again because she is not welcome around again and then tell her to fuck off! The food sounds lovely and there is absolutely nothing wrong with it whatsoever. What an awful, rude, nasty woman

DifficultBloodyWoman · 14/11/2023 22:33

I think it sounds like she probably sees fajitas as similar to a hamburger in terms of being ‘junk food’.

She would have had the same reaction if you had served gourmet burgers made from fillet steak that you had chopped into mince by hand and flavoured with egg from your own chicken coop and herbs from your own kitchen garden.

Your meal sounds delicious, OP. I’ve only ever done Old El Paso fajitas and I loved them. Your meal sounds many steps ahead of that.

I’m glad your DH has your back on this.

TrishIsMySpiritAnimal · 14/11/2023 22:34

Lol she should come to my house - I order pizza in when we have guests 😂

People with food issues should never push them onto others. It’s dangerous and unhinged

coldcallerbaiter · 14/11/2023 22:37

The MIL - Did she eat the food?

PumpkinFence · 14/11/2023 22:37

Your Dp sounds amazing having your back

Ramalangadingdong · 14/11/2023 22:37

How old is she? She may have the beginning of Alzheimer’s/dementia.

MCOut · 14/11/2023 22:37

OP you’ve inspired me. I’ve now added Halloumi fajita ingredients to the basket for Thursday. She’s unreasonable.

Jetstream · 14/11/2023 22:38

Sounds delicious. That silly woman needs to get over herself.

billy1966 · 14/11/2023 22:38

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Excellent post.

Completely batshit.

Keep her blocked, avoid her like the plague, watch carefully how your partner continues to behave and support you.

People underestimate how important the wider family that you marry into are.

You may not love them dearly and wish to spend endless time with them, but that they are basically decent people and know how to conduct themselves really is of huge benefit in the long run.

She's in her 50's and batshit?

Buyer beware!

LittleGlowingOblong · 14/11/2023 22:40

That sounds delicious.
I’ve never made tortillas in my whole life 😬.
Was she expecting something more traditional, like Beef Wellington or something?
Regardless, it’s very rude and undermining of her. Maybe next time she can cook a UPF meal for 8.

LTBarbara · 14/11/2023 22:42

I know a child who had a parent a bit like the no UPF mum here (I now realise she’s a cousin, not a SIL as I suspected after a skim read - sorry). He was only allowed a soft drink on the annual summer holiday. He started high school and had his own lunch money and is now very partial to a can of full-fat Coke each day.

WaltzingWaters · 14/11/2023 22:44

Your MIL sounds completely and utterly clueless and an absolute bitch. I’m very glad your DH has stood up for you.

RobertaFirmino · 14/11/2023 22:44

When you served that beautiful, homecooked meal, you assumed the role of matriarch. That's what a matriarch does, she cares for and nourishes her family. You went all out to ensure the child was catered for and could be fully included in the meal. This was appreciated by your guests. MIL saw this as a threat to her own position in the family. Perhaps her own cooking isn't as well received as yours was? Perhaps the DC can be fussy eaters but wolfed your food down? Whatever it was, you were the star of the show and MIL did not like that one little bit.

Nonman23 · 14/11/2023 22:45

My FIL is quite fussy and although he has only cooked about 5 meals in his entire life, I have to be careful about what I serve him as he thinks he's some kind of healthy food guru for some reason. I usually cook everything from scratch anyway but I know there are some things he would turn his nose up at. However, if I got this kind of feedback from him at any point, that would be the last time that I would ever cook for him.

Freeasabird76 · 14/11/2023 22:47

Your mil is batshit,you went to great effort and expense to create a wonderful meal,she should have been very gracious and thankful.

Abra1t · 14/11/2023 22:50

i bet the children were in heaven!

Copperoliverbear · 14/11/2023 22:50

Message her back and say, you should think long and hard about ever messaging me or coming to my house again, because if you do I won't be responsible for my actions, you are not welcome here, your son can now visit you

Throckmorton · 14/11/2023 22:51

Bloody hell, that meal sounds fab - can I take MIL's place at the next gathering?!

SleepPrettyDarling · 14/11/2023 22:52

I think she’s a food snob who thinks ‘Mexican’ is cheap, regardless of how fresh/organic the ingredients are. Or just a snob.

RusemaneGanche · 14/11/2023 22:57

She wasn't so embarrassed that she didn't eat it though, did she? Still wolfed it down!

She might have gone at it with a knife and fork (like a psycho), but she still ate it. So I don't personally think it's a 'foreign muck' issue. My in laws have a family friend, and he is the 'British and proud!' sort 🙄. Will not touch any food he considers foreign, to the extent that when inlaws go out to restaurants with them, his wife has to make him his own packed lunch of sandwiches and sausage rolls because the rest of them like to eat indian/greek/turkish/thai etc! If someone served him fajitas he just wouldn't entertain it.

And my nan was the same - we ordered from a Chinese takeaway once, and she would only order the chips while being tediously moody about the whole thing. Then she sat there at the table going on and on at the rest of us trying to enjoy our meal with "I just don't know how you can eat that muck! God knows what goes into that stuff! Eurgh, it looks disgusting!" She was never invited to another takeaway night again.

I really think it's because everyone loved your meal OP, that so much effort and thought went into it and you outshone her, she's green with envy.

If foreign food was so repulsive to her to feel that angry about it being served, she wouldn't have put it in her mouth.

NoWayRose · 14/11/2023 22:58

That sounds like a delightful meal - nice for kids and adults too.

Can’t believe she’d think that was too foreign - surely it’s one of the most mainstream cuisines in UK now?! Maybe she had in her mind fusty prawn cocktails and chicken Kievs a la Abigail’s Party.

Obviously it’s ironic that she thought it wasn’t classy enough, because the least classy thing she could do would be to text that to the host.

Not to mention thick and shortsighted, as clearly mentioning it would damage her relationship with her son. So surely in her own self interest not to say anything even if she is judgemental. Bizarre!

LeggyLegsEleven · 14/11/2023 22:58

Very glad your partner is on side. Nice to read.

My MIL would complain about me serving unhealthy junk. What she meant was home cooked food as she thought it was unhealthy and full of fat. Better to eat processed/frozen stuff.

Shes actually really embarrassed herself.

NovemberName · 14/11/2023 23:00

Batshit crazy! I'm so glad your DP has your back. Rare on mumsnet!