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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Made dessert but not invited....

188 replies

Happbee · 13/11/2023 21:39

Hi

I just wanted to find out some other opinions. The short story is my MIL had a dinner party. She asked me (via my husband at first) if I could make dessert for it. So I made the dessert and my husband took it round. However, I didnt receive an invite to come. I wouldnt have gone anyway as I have kids and it would be past their bedtime (on a school night). But AIBU to think its rude to ask someone to make a dessert but not invite them to come? My husband doesnt see the problem so wanted to know if anyone else sees my POV.

OP posts:
thistimelastweek · 13/11/2023 21:40

Was your husband invited to the dinner party?

Saggypants · 13/11/2023 21:41

Yes, that's rude.

Was your husband invited?
Did she pay for the ingredients?

Reallybadidea · 13/11/2023 21:41

Erm what the hell? Who behaves like that? Does she think you're her personal caterer? Why did you agree to it?

Deliadidit · 13/11/2023 21:42

Does she do favours for you and DP? Look after the DC?

Original poster
Happbee · 13/11/2023 21:43

He was asked while it was happening if he wanted to come round...

OP posts:
Original poster
Happbee · 13/11/2023 21:43

No my husband paid for the ingredients

OP posts:
strawberry2017 · 13/11/2023 21:44

Incredibly rude. Lesson learnt for next time!

hideoushideoushideous · 13/11/2023 21:44

Do she had a mid-week dinner party and told you to make a dessert for it?

Is there a dessert you are famous for?

Allelbowsandtoes · 13/11/2023 21:44

That's fucking outrageous 🤣
I'd love to know what you've done to piss her off

SleepingStandingUp · 13/11/2023 21:45

If she lives your dessert, is have got her approaching you and saying can you do this for me, you make the best X, obviously I'll pay for the ingredients. But I think to pass a message through DH, no mention of why she's having a dinner party and inviting DH but not you, not reimburse you and basically ignore you is rude

Original poster
Happbee · 13/11/2023 21:45

Very occasionally she will.

OP posts:
Dulra · 13/11/2023 21:45

Are you really good at making desserts? It's hard to know if it's rude without knowing what your relationship is like. My mother has often made a cake or something for me when I've been entertaining to help me out and because she's a great baker

Gowlett · 13/11/2023 21:46

Is it a special dessert that you do?
Can’t see the problem if your DH was asked last minute.
She would have known that you’d be at home with the kids.
But I get it, my mum does similar!

disappearingfish · 13/11/2023 21:46

Outrageously rude.

Crikeyisthatthetime · 13/11/2023 21:47

Depends. If it was a dinner party for her friends rather than family, but she knows you do a great dessert and was asking as a favour, that's ok. She should offer to pay you for it though.
If all the family except you were invited (ie you were excluded from an event you'd reasonably expect to be invited to), then yanbu.

OhComeOnFFS · 13/11/2023 21:47

Is she normally nice to you? If she'd said "I'm having John and Mary round for dinner tomorrow, would you do me a huge favour and make your trifle? I know everyone will love it" then that would be fine by me, but if she'd said "I'm having a party, will you make a trifle?" and left it at that then I'd be insulted and tbh I wouldn't make it.

Original poster
Happbee · 13/11/2023 21:48

Yes they like the dessert I make. Not famous for it though LOL. Just think no-one else can be bothered to make dessert

OP posts:
Whattodowithit88 · 13/11/2023 21:48

She needed help and outsourced it to family, that’s perfectly fine as long as she helps you out too, so I suppose it’s cheeky if she doesn’t ever help you out but if she does then it’s fine, that’s what family is for. People are so busy being offended these days I’m surprised anyone breathes!

MeinKraft · 13/11/2023 21:49

As per PP it depends how she asked, but you'll never really know because it was your DH not you who she asked. Depends how she is the rest of the time I suppose.

itsanopefromme · 13/11/2023 21:51

At the point of asking you to make it, did you not establish whether it was an invite or a favour ? Did you say 'Sure, I'll get Dave to drop it over', or 'what's the dress code? Can't wait!'

I don't see a problem with a family member asking you to make something you do well, I wouldn't be put out by that at all. This is mumsnet though and I don't recognise the 'friendships' on this site.

itsanopefromme · 13/11/2023 21:54

Ooops just seen she asked via husband. Point remains.

Goldbar · 13/11/2023 21:54

Next time - "Sorry, I dropped it on the ground".

Then eat it yourself.

DinaofCloud9 · 13/11/2023 21:55

Hmm I often ask my sister to make me a cake as she makes a lovely one. I don't invite her and she wouldnt want to come. So I don't think it's necessarily rude.

Original poster
Happbee · 13/11/2023 21:56

So our relationship is not very friendly. She mostly communicates with DH. If I call her she normally rushes me off the phone and keeps the convo as short as possible. Not nice vibes from her at all. She doesnt come into my house she will stand outside. Its a strained relationship. Previous to this request i havent spoken to her or seen her for a few weeks.

OP posts:
Dulra · 13/11/2023 21:56

Are you sure your dh didn't volunteer you? Maybe she was stressing about the dinner party and he said dw will make dessert for you....

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