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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Made dessert but not invited....

188 replies

Happbee · 13/11/2023 21:39

Hi

I just wanted to find out some other opinions. The short story is my MIL had a dinner party. She asked me (via my husband at first) if I could make dessert for it. So I made the dessert and my husband took it round. However, I didnt receive an invite to come. I wouldnt have gone anyway as I have kids and it would be past their bedtime (on a school night). But AIBU to think its rude to ask someone to make a dessert but not invite them to come? My husband doesnt see the problem so wanted to know if anyone else sees my POV.

OP posts:
Gardeningtime · 16/11/2023 08:16

2Rebecca · 15/11/2023 23:05

If you aren't able to cook all the food for an event you have chosen to host then why would you try roping other people who didn't choose to do this in to being your domestic staff? Supermarkets sell ready made cakes and puddings and whole meals. You just buy the stuff you don't have time to make you don't try and get proxy glory for home cooked food you've manipulated other people in to cooking.

I don’t think it was she wasn’t able, more she asked as a favour so she didn’t have to and take the pressure off.

ScarlettRosemary · 16/11/2023 09:48

Very rude not to be invited, even if she knew you would have to refuse it. I wouldn't dream of asking someone to make a dessert to a dinner I had organised unless they simply love to cook and would want to and I would certainly imburse for the ingredients. No flowers, chocolates as a sign of appreciation? Shame you can't move far away from her!

LalaPaloosa · 16/11/2023 12:22

Oh my goodness. Now I’ve seen everything. Just when you think you’ve seen or heard every type of rude, bizarre behaviour you see a post like this! This was incredibly rude. She should have been upfront. Ie. “I am having some friends over for dinner and absolutely love your xxx dessert. Would it be too cheeky of me to ask you to make one for me so I can serve it to my guests?”.

LalaPaloosa · 16/11/2023 12:25

I’ve now read your full updates and find your MIL’s behaviour even more appalling. What a horrible woman. Sounds like a power play to show you that you’ll do as she says. I know it’s hard, but I would not make anything for a woman that won’t speak to me on the phone or come inside my home! I’m sorry you have such a nasty piece of work for a MIL.

betterangels · 16/11/2023 12:28

Whattodowithit88 · 13/11/2023 21:48

She needed help and outsourced it to family, that’s perfectly fine as long as she helps you out too, so I suppose it’s cheeky if she doesn’t ever help you out but if she does then it’s fine, that’s what family is for. People are so busy being offended these days I’m surprised anyone breathes!

This. Does she help you?

wesurecouldstandgladioli · 16/11/2023 12:30

betterangels · 16/11/2023 12:28

This. Does she help you?

Show quote history

If you read the OP's posts you'll see the chance that MIL helps OP is about the same as a snow flurry in hell.

betterangels · 16/11/2023 12:32

Happbee · 13/11/2023 21:56

So our relationship is not very friendly. She mostly communicates with DH. If I call her she normally rushes me off the phone and keeps the convo as short as possible. Not nice vibes from her at all. She doesnt come into my house she will stand outside. Its a strained relationship. Previous to this request i havent spoken to her or seen her for a few weeks.

More understandable that you're upset then, but then you shouldn't have made the dessert. This woman takes advantage, and you and your husband are letting her. People treat you how you let them.

JLM1981 · 16/11/2023 12:32

Crikeyisthatthetime · 13/11/2023 21:47

Depends. If it was a dinner party for her friends rather than family, but she knows you do a great dessert and was asking as a favour, that's ok. She should offer to pay you for it though.
If all the family except you were invited (ie you were excluded from an event you'd reasonably expect to be invited to), then yanbu.

This. Depends on many factors. I've asked my friend to make a birthday cake/dessert for my husband as she's a great baker. He had a party she wasn't invited as they aren't friendly. I paid for the ingredients and bought her flowers and prosecco to thank her for her time.

If it was a family party and you were left out then perhaps unreasonable.

betterangels · 16/11/2023 12:34

wesurecouldstandgladioli · 16/11/2023 12:30

If you read the OP's posts you'll see the chance that MIL helps OP is about the same as a snow flurry in hell.

Show quote history

If OP had put that in the original post, it would have been helpful.

wesurecouldstandgladioli · 16/11/2023 12:35

betterangels · 16/11/2023 12:34

If OP had put that in the original post, it would have been helpful.

Show quote history

Threads move on, OPs can't possibly hope to predict every question they're going to get asked.

That's why the 'See all' posts by OP helps.

Londongirlx · 16/11/2023 17:00

I'd have told her to do one.
So glad I don't have this sort of problem anymore

Vonesk · 18/11/2023 09:32

This scenario is plain ' Gaslighting'. It has caused you to feel confused.
' Gaslighting is the lowest form of Abuse.
Shame on her.
It's worked = You're CONFUSED!!!!!!!!!

sfd146 · 18/11/2023 19:30

Send her the recipe, next time.

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