Made dessert but not invited....

[Happbee]

Hi

I just wanted to find out some other opinions. The short story is my MIL had a dinner party. She asked me (via my husband at first) if I could make dessert for it. So I made the dessert and my husband took it round. However, I didnt receive an invite to come. I wouldnt have gone anyway as I have kids and it would be past their bedtime (on a school night). But AIBU to think its rude to ask someone to make a dessert but not invite them to come? My husband doesnt see the problem so wanted to know if anyone else sees my POV.

In light of your update, I'd just say sorry you're busy if asked again.

I wouldnt have gone anyway as I have kids and it would be past their bedtime (on a school night)

Maybe this is why she didn't ask?

Although why wouldn't your DH sort the kids anyway?

Oh, just seen your last update.

I don't know why you said yes then really.

Should of laced it with salt.

I don't actually think it's rude at all. DM had her woodwork class round for a coffee morning and asked for me to make two cakes I'm particularly good at making, for her to serve. I did. It was a nice thing to do. She enjoyed serving her friends something she thought was delicious and hasn't ever made, but I can do with ease because I've done them 100 times. I felt good because it's nice to be considered so good at a dish that someone will ask for it to serve to their friends. At no point did I think I was invited to the coffee morning.

She asked me (via my husband at first) if I could make dessert for it.

No.

And done.

Oh.

Just seen your update.

That's a bit weird then. Although, maybe take it as a compliment that she acknowledges how good your dessert is and wanted to serve it to her friends? Maybe it's her weird way of trying to pay compliment when she feels a bit awkward about your relationship?

Going against the grain here. I think I'd be quite chuffed if someone asked me to make desert for their dinner party. Surely, it's a compliment?

Bit risky isn't it? Asking someone you don't really like to make a dessert for a dinner party you're hosting?!

Well, she's shown her true colours, hasn't she? I would put in minimal effort from now on.

I can't really get my head round the situation. Did your husband go to the dinner party or did he just drop off the dessert? In most situations I would take the dessert request to BE the invitation. If it was more like an informal catering request I'd expect to be asked directly, nicely and with some sort of quid pro quo offer (payment or at least a favour owed). And I'd feel free to say no if it wasn't convenient. I certainly wouldn't go out of my way to make a dessert for someone I didn't have a close relationship with.

Are you sure you weren't invited? Maybe it was assumed that you would come along and bring the dessert? Doesn't excuse her poor communication, but maybe this a case of overthinking

Ah well. You won't be doing that again will you?

It is rude, never do it again

Yes I make sandwiches/cakes when my mother has people round. She’s in her 80s and it’s easy for me whereas it would take time for her. I wouldn’t WANT to be invited!!

Have a dinner party of your own and ask her to provide something of equal worth and work, and don't invite her!

I once moved into a flatshare with 2 girls - their mate Sarah had just moved out and was getting married. I like baking and after a couple of weeks they said Sarah asked if you'd bake some cupcakes and ice them for her wedding.

I was a naive 20 something and didn't think much of it. Anyway, I ended up baking the cakes, driving the girls to the wedding, dropping cakes at the reception venue and I didn't even get a thanks, or a sniff of payment for anything! I've no idea what I was thinking tbh.

Anyway- yes it's odd. I'd expect my MIL to ask me directly and pay for the ingredients. I understand not going but asking your husband and not paying for ingredients is off.

She doesn't come into my house she will stand outside. Its a strained relationship.

Understatement of the day! WTAF?

She's got some nerve, asking you to make a free pudding for her guests, when she doesn't consider your home good enough to set her dainty feet inside.

Well, if there was ever any doubt, @Happbee, she sees you as an unworthy servant. And doesn't even have enough dignity to treat you with the respect a 'lady' shows to her staff.

Waiting for the apologists to come along and suggest her handing you orders via a third party is her attempt to improve your relationship 🤨

Respectfully, OP, someone you don’t much like, with whom you have a strained, distant relationship, asked you out of the blue, via your DH, if you would make dessert for a dinner party neither of you were invited to, and he was supposed to get you to make it, pay for the ingredients and drop it over, like a free Deliveroo service?

Why on earth did either of you even contemplate going along with this?

I would be to busy to make it in future. YANBU

Not unreasonable for close family, bit rude as you have a strained relationship. Not any worse than standing outside, she seems very distant. I wouldn't have made dessert for her.

What is wrong with people on here?
Grow a backbone tell her and your dh to get fucked.
There is a reason some people get treated like doormats and that is because they allow it.
Others don’t get treated like this because they laugh in the face of cfs and cut it dead, right there.

This is a trifling matter, OP, but your MIL takes the biscuit.
Honestly, no invitation is just the icing on the cake.

😂

Next time say you are too busy.