Lying DH... wtf do I do?!

[CinnamonSwirl82]

Didn't think I'd be putting this one up but here we go. If anyone saw my previous post about finding DH & friend cuddled up on the sofa... surprisingly this isn't the lie I've uncovered but stay tuned because that cat will probably also come out of the bag when he gets his ass home!!

DH has always told me he was in the Army. He comes from a military family (MIL confirmed) so I never saw any reason to doubt. He was apparently injured and discharged, he has scars, but never wanted me to discuss with MIL as she was upset about it all. First 🚩. He'd get upset talking about it, nightmares, tell me about killing kids and constantly talking weapons, military vehicles, etc.

Some things haven't lined up for me and having caught him out lying about when he last had surgery yesterday I decided to ask MIL.

Weellll.... it was all a lie! He's never even been in the Army never mind getting deployed. He doesn't know that I know and I'm wondering how to approach it. I want to ask him if he's got anything to admit to because I know the truth, but then exactly what else will I uncover? Will he get angry? I dunno.

I've just come out of surgery and I'm still healing so I'm fragile in terms of being able to pack his shit and throw it outside. I don't know if I'm ready to admit to anyone yet what's happened and I don't even know who I could call for backup. Do I hide the kitchen knife block just in case? Who is this man that's in my house?!

Don’t put up with lies like I have.
Was the mum not embarrassed about her son ?
Where have the scars come from ?

What!! That’s nuts op! That’s not a simple lie, he’s woven his whole persona around it and is obviously using it as an excuse for any bad behaviour.

Will his mum repeat your conversation to him so he’ll know you know?

She's absolutely mortified and told me she'll back me up in whatever I decide to do. She couldn't stop apologising.

Scars are from heart surgery and an injection that leaves a very specific scar that looks like a bullet wound. It's the latter that would make me think he was telling the truth because on what planet do normal people get shot?

No definitely not. She knows I'm waiting for him to get home to see what the hell he has to say but I'm wondering if it's a good idea even letting him back in the house.

Is this one of those situations I need to ring 111 for advice? Could they send someone to be a peace keeper in case he does kick off?

He's clearly got violent thoughts in his head and I'm worried that will materialise on me when I call him out. He's never been physically abusive but I guess there's always a first?

That's insane! God that is a massive lie, I wonder what else he's lied about?!?
What injection is it out of curiosity!? 😂

Was it his BCG scar?!
Has he ever given you reason to feel in danger before? Hopefully just a harmless fantasist. I'd still leave him of course.

Oh op, I would definitely have someone there if you plan to confront him. You don’t know what’s going on in his head.

Stay safe OP.
How long have you been married?

Tell him you are organising a party for all of his army mates and can you have their details. Watch him squirm..
Be prepared for his dm to stand by him imo.

Honestly I've not even touched the surface of everything he's told me about it!!

I don't know the name of it, but apparently it's common outside the UK. I don't want to give too many details as I don't want to be identifiable

Wtf ! I wouldn't let him in the house, definitely call the police if he kicks off.

I'm not sure how you're going to confront him and be safe doing so.

He falls into the men l read about or watch about.
Scammers.
Pathological liars.
Bigamists etc etc.
There is so many true stories out there about men who make a whole new past for themselves.
You need to search this and get the he'll out of there.
It could honestly get worse.

Married 2 years.

It's from heart surgery... sorry I can't give more details but everything is so specific someone would know its me in a heartbeat ☹️

I've always questioned his lack of Army friends but this was all in a different country so I've not been able to truly research in to everything.

Small details have never lined up for me but I caught him in a lie about it yesterday, conflicting info, and it was eating at me all night

I'm just angry because my ex was a pathological liar and I told myself never again.

'D'H had an answer for everything up until he obviously got too comfortable to cover his tracks.

Just so I understand, your MIL didn't say anything about this until you asked her directly when he wasn't around, and then the truth came out?

I wonder if she kept his secret because she is afraid of him? Because that would be very relevant to how YOU approach this.

This is wild! If you're not sure if he'll be violent towards you then I don't think it's a good idea to confront him face to face, certainly not alone anyway. Could you ask a male friend or family member to be there? And also get someone to help with packing his stuff.

What the deal with the house? Is it jointly owned?

Personally I would be filing for divorce right this minute.. I caught my exh out of a financial lie one Sunday.. Filed the next day. No regrets. Cited unreasonable behaviour.. He didn't contest and we had no dc or ties.. Haven't seen him since that Sunday night. 2012..

Maybe she had no idea that he was spinning this lie.

I wouldn't confront him, I'd just make plans to leave. I couldn't stay with such a man.

She didn't keep his secret. She had no idea what he'd told me until I spoke to her this morning. She's absolutely disgusted, upset, disappointed, humiliated and said whatever I need from her, she has my back. Hopefully it's not a lie. I do know for definite she had no idea what he's been telling me.

She was staying over recently and she pulled him up on why he was being so aggressive towards me (just out of surgery) and he said it's because he was frustrated or something like that. It'd only been a week and because the surgery was on my stomach for obvious reasons I can't move well and I'm in agony so need help with some bits.

Ask him what his service number was? That is burned into the memory of every serviceman until they die. If he doesn't know it instantly he is definitely what we would term a Walt, unless he was shot on day one of training.... Lol

Sounds scary that you're speaking of hiding the knife block and totally understandable.

Try to not to confront him on your own. No other advice to give. Keep yourself safe.

House is jointly owned but he'll be damned if I'm the one leaving it. We only recently bought it and I sold my property to pay the deposit.

We're married and were talking kids... why wouldn't I trust the guy. I'm a fool.

If you can manage it, get all your important documentation together, inc passports, bank statements and savings accounts, his pension statements etc and if you have money in a joint account id be tempted to put half in your name only or leave enough to cover bills.

Then id contact a solicitor about your next steps.

I remember your post about your friend and him cuddling on the sofa, I hope this is enough to flick that switch that means enough is enough.