Lying DH... wtf do I do?!

[CinnamonSwirl82]

Didn't think I'd be putting this one up but here we go. If anyone saw my previous post about finding DH & friend cuddled up on the sofa... surprisingly this isn't the lie I've uncovered but stay tuned because that cat will probably also come out of the bag when he gets his ass home!!

DH has always told me he was in the Army. He comes from a military family (MIL confirmed) so I never saw any reason to doubt. He was apparently injured and discharged, he has scars, but never wanted me to discuss with MIL as she was upset about it all. First 🚩. He'd get upset talking about it, nightmares, tell me about killing kids and constantly talking weapons, military vehicles, etc.

Some things haven't lined up for me and having caught him out lying about when he last had surgery yesterday I decided to ask MIL.

Weellll.... it was all a lie! He's never even been in the Army never mind getting deployed. He doesn't know that I know and I'm wondering how to approach it. I want to ask him if he's got anything to admit to because I know the truth, but then exactly what else will I uncover? Will he get angry? I dunno.

I've just come out of surgery and I'm still healing so I'm fragile in terms of being able to pack his shit and throw it outside. I don't know if I'm ready to admit to anyone yet what's happened and I don't even know who I could call for backup. Do I hide the kitchen knife block just in case? Who is this man that's in my house?!

Have you considered the very real possibility that he may be a top secret international spy?

Either that or a massive wanker.

Could he be secret services, MI5 or MI6? They go undercover for years

That's not what he's said at all though, he's gone on about tanks and stuff, front line combat.

Just leave him, don’t give him a reason why. If he finds out his mum told you, he might go after her. Who knows.

The general consensus was to leave the lying bastard after the sofa incident. So, more of the same from me. Get your paperwork in order and leave before you become totally enmeshed with kids etc.

Why do you even need to confront him? Creating drama and putting yourself at risk is bonkers. Just go ffs.

If time allows and he is stable, I suggest you seek legal advice and take a few days to recover from your surgery before you do.

If not, I’d get the hell out of there.

Sorry, but I’m not buying that his mother didn’t know anything. She may not know about his ‘military’ career but she absolutely will know he is a liar. People don’t suddenly become serial liars. And mothers know their sons. I promise, this has come as no surprise to her.

Whatever you decide do not rely on his mother to support you.

I remember your previous post. This is absolutely unbelievable, what a crazy story!!
First port of call is a very good solicitor, I would think. See where you stand re your house.

He's a fantasist.My deceased dh was the same although even the army story would have been extreme for him.
Mine once told me had oral cancer and was receiving treatment for it in a cancer hospital quite a distance away. I had 3 young children and was the breadwinner so I was going to work in tears every day.
Something about the details didn't ring true so I took a day off and said I was driving him to his appointment. He went pale and then announced he didn't need any more treatment, he had responded so well etc.
When respect is gone you really don't have anything left.Unfortunately, I did stay with my dh until his premature death.Even at his funeral, people were reciting lies he'd told them and it's just so difficult.I've had to give myself a head wobble because I've been blaming myself, did my withdrawal of any relationship make him fantasise more.
Run as fast as you can would be my advice and remember to examine any joint finances very carefully.

OP, be ready for his mother to have thought about it then told her son everything before he comes home. 'said whatever I need from her, she has my back'. Exactly what my in-laws said to me. They didn't keep to it at all.

OMG What an awful situation
You're discovering the man you thought you married isn't actually real I'm so sorry
Has he duped his Mother too?
I couldn't get past this and I'd file for divorce He's told lies upon lies, easily it seems
I'd get out asap 2 years is a short marriage

I would sit on the information until I had advice from a solicitor. Your will feel much better in a week as well. I don't think I would confront him, no need really as anything he says could be untrue.

This is fuckin film worthy mental.

I once knew someone who told the same lies (wondering if it's the same person)
He lied so much he had to leave the area and all his friends and family to start a new life once he got found out.
Very unsettling for all involved.

I dated someone exactly like this. The lie will be deep. He's very dangerous and you should get out now.

This makes no sense.

So for the whole time you’ve been together, including prior to getting married his mother never made a single comment about the life he had before you (in terms of his work for example) that would make it very clear that he had never been in the army and was in fact a plumber?!

And you have never said anything to her in passing either, or made any enquiry about what his life had been like prior to you arriving on the scene?

I think it’s known in America as “Stolen Valour” when people pretend to army veterans.

Sorry you’re going through this, I don’t have anything else to add I’m afraid!

I wouldn’t go down the route of trying to find out details about his army career, I mean you could but what point would that be?

I was engaged to a Canadian private years ago, luckily I called it off for various reasons but I’d met his army friends, seen photos, seen his dog tags in person. Years later I realised he’d suffered PTSD whilst in army (he’s still being treated for it now) and I also found out he can be violent, I have a mutual friend who was married to his best army friend. So in that case, I’d be wary and move out, get a big man to come round.

This man could’ve eg been in the TA.

Yes it’s a very real possibility that a top secret international spy would be outed by his mother.

But you said MIL confirmed he was in the army?

I am wondering if you can apply to annul the marriage on the grounds you didn’t consent to it. How can you consent to marriage if the person has lied about who they are? It might be worth looking into. However I agree with others who have said that the best thing would be to leave and sort out the housing and legal stuff later. My eldest son is a pathological liar. I suspect he may have an antisocial personality disorder but we have been estranged for a number of years. He lied even when he didn’t need to, it was a compulsion. He also had a temper. When his last relationship broke down he smashed the glass in her front door. He wasn’t violent directly towards her but she must have been terrified. It’s not worth the risk, people like this are unpredictable. He might just admit to everything and beg for forgiveness but equally he could lose his temper if he feels defensive.

@Ell435 you need to start your own thread

Get in touch with https://thewaltermittyhuntersclubhq.com/ and drop him in it.

Not true - if it's a short, childless marriage, generally 5 years or less, the courts are more likely to be able to disentangle your finances and ring-fence your deposit for you.

https://www.connaughtlaw.com/short-marriages-and-the-courts-approach/

You need to get legal advice but a marriage of 2 years, house recently purchased so easy to identify which was your money for the deposit, plus the potential fradulent misrepresentation of his military service might all be grist to a divorce lawyer's mill.

@Mirabai

Next time, I’ll open with “SARCASM ALERT”