Catered for 8 and no one showed up

[TheFailedCaterer]

I was in tears all of last night and I know shit happens but I’m so so annoyed.

Solid group of 6. 2 have partners, 4 singles, none of us have kids. For the past few weeks everyone has been seriously discussing meeting up as it’s the 5 year mark of us graduating Uni and going out into the working world.

We decided on yesterday. I and another woman initially wanted to go to a pub/restaurant but some others suggested that we’d do a BBQ instead. My house was the most “centrally” located for everyone so we decided that I’d host it.

Yesterday morning one of the group said in the group chat that she was tired so she and her boyfriend would be cancelling. 2 more cancelled, one due to it being a long week at work and one due to her niece being sick.

Someone then said that now that there’s 3 of us left should we take a rain check! The other one agreed so the whole event is now postponed to who knows when! I wouldn’t have minded but I bought so much food. They picked out the food (was taking pics and sending it on the group chat while they chose which ones they wanted) and it included things like a whole sushi platter that can’t be bloody kept and brisket/seafood that are fresh and I’ll never finish on my own.

AIBU to be completely pissed off? We all get tired but it feels so selfish to me to cancel at the last minute like this.

I’d be raging OP. How rude and disappoints. Send them all a bill.

You poor thing. I'd be livid too. Plus, I would NEVER agree to host them again. In fact, I am not sure that I would want much to do with any of them after that. Bloody feeble excuses too.

Yes send them all a message with their share of food costs on. Don’t offer to host the next one.

YANBU at all, really bad behaviour and I'd never offer to host again. And if anyone suggested you host, I'd say no and explain why.

Second sending them a bill. I don’t go to things I don’t want to but I’d never leave someone financially down.

I'd be furious and would be wasting no time in messaging the group to ask for payments from everyone for the food.

What!!!!

Do they think now they can't make if they don't need to pay for food?

Even the ones cancelling and not rearranging should pay their share. Always take the money before you pay!!!

Don't host the next!!!

In all the exchanges - have you said one single thing?

Your friends are awful.

I'm so sorry. Take a picture of the receipts, calculate the amount between them and tell them how much they owe you.

As an aside, friends don't treat you like that.

If you have surplice food, can you either return it or donate to a local food bank/soup kitchen?

Make sure you send your friends the bill!

I’d have put in the chat that obviously I had already bought the food, which would now be wasted-what did they suggest? PPH is £15 and here are my BACS details.

It took me so long to type this that everything I've said has already been said.

Yes send them a message re costs and don’t offer to host again. Why would only three being left mean inevitably that you cancel? And being “tired” isn’t much of an excuse. All the reasons sound crappy.

Definitely don’t just suck up the costs!

This. They are all due you one eighth of the cost of things that you would have eaten. They'd have needed to pay if they came.

A barbecue in November (with sushi...)? Are you in the southern hemisphere?

Definitely tell them that the food will be wasted and they eat owe you £x as a result.

Tired ffs! Even if you were, it’s not exactly a taxing afternoon sitting at a friends house and eating lovely food/drink.

Also your title is slightly misleading. It was cancelled. Not by you. Still shit sorry.

That’s shocking. People are so flaky these days. Really rude of them.

Super rude and lame excuses imo! Definitely don't host again, insist you go somewhere out or to one of their places. Did any of them acknowledge the efforts you'd gone to?

Yesterday morning one of the group said in the group chat that she was tired so she and her boyfriend would be cancelling. 2 more cancelled, one due to it being a long week at work and one due to her niece being sick.

These are all absolutely appalling excuses, I'm so sorry OP. It's bad enough them cancelling when you were looking forward to an event, but doing it when you've bought food and are left out of pocket is shocking.

I agree with PPs that you need to send them the bill for their shares.

Od def post and say "given it was cancelled so last minute, od brought good o won't eat /couldn't possibly finish in time. Are we happy to split those costs per adult? The rest I'll keep and work through so will pay for myself" and then work out a split

So you wanted to go to a pub but 'everyone' decided that YOU should host it..

They then dictated what food YOU bought and paid for.

They then cancelled and left you alone to pick up the bill.

I would be livid and would be very clear to people that I would be expecting them to pay for what they had chosen.

I don’t normally advocate this approach, but in this case I think I would. They have been actively involved in choosing the food, chose not to go for ‘can’t be arsed’ reasons. I’d be asking them to pay and telling them they can come to collect their proportion of the food. I’d word it really nicely and politely, but I’d still send it.

Leaving you to foot the bill is unacceptable.

I wouldnt send a bill tbh. Id give food you cant eat away, to charity if u can, neighbours, other friends. Id email the ones who were supposed to be attending asking nl could they take some food as otherwise you'll be dumping it ie burning your own money.

Aww OP this is pants, what a bunch of arseholes.

I'd be insisting they pay for their share of the food you bought for them, selfish pricks.

Sadly this sort of thing is why so many people drift away from their uni and school friends - they turn out to be massive bastards outside of an educational setting.

Don't message. Actually ring them and tell them what you've said here - or even better, tell them face to face when you see them.