Catered for 8 and no one showed up

[TheFailedCaterer]

I was in tears all of last night and I know shit happens but I’m so so annoyed.

Solid group of 6. 2 have partners, 4 singles, none of us have kids. For the past few weeks everyone has been seriously discussing meeting up as it’s the 5 year mark of us graduating Uni and going out into the working world.

We decided on yesterday. I and another woman initially wanted to go to a pub/restaurant but some others suggested that we’d do a BBQ instead. My house was the most “centrally” located for everyone so we decided that I’d host it.

Yesterday morning one of the group said in the group chat that she was tired so she and her boyfriend would be cancelling. 2 more cancelled, one due to it being a long week at work and one due to her niece being sick.

Someone then said that now that there’s 3 of us left should we take a rain check! The other one agreed so the whole event is now postponed to who knows when! I wouldn’t have minded but I bought so much food. They picked out the food (was taking pics and sending it on the group chat while they chose which ones they wanted) and it included things like a whole sushi platter that can’t be bloody kept and brisket/seafood that are fresh and I’ll never finish on my own.

AIBU to be completely pissed off? We all get tired but it feels so selfish to me to cancel at the last minute like this.

Was the expectation that they would all contribute to the costs?

Freeze the seafood and brisket and you can freeze sushi too

You don't say they were going to pay. If you were planning to pay anyway then it's embarrassing to get money out of them. Make sure you say something, and name and shame. "I have spent £150 on food that will be wasted. The sushi platter that x y and z wanted was particularly pricey. I am very disappointed that you couldn't make the effort to show up but you were happy to waste my time and money catering. I know where I stand with you all. "

Then block. Seriously you need these people out of your life.

You make friends when you are young that you need to lose in your 20s. These people are telling they don't care about you. Listen to them. It's best to drop shitty friends rather than soldier on thinking you've got "history" when 3 years of that was circumstances (University) and 5 is just hanging on to uni.

Trust me if you don't drop them now they will drop you anyway. They sound awful and selfish.

Never ever host again.

^^ this. What a horrible bunch. I wouldn't bother to do anything for them again.

Were they going to contribute towards costs?

That is so shitty of them. Cancelling because they are tired?! A long week at work?! They aren't even decent excuses. I can understand the sick neice one if she is really sick, like in hospital or something.

Definitely point out how much you spent although sounds like they aren't exactly considerate people so the chances of them paying up are probably slim.

Boxed some of the sushi and gave it to one of the neighbours I’m close with, ate the more perishable sushi for dinner and brekkie and put the rest in to the freezer.

I asked about the food last night and someone said “oh keep it for meal prep”. Then someone else said they’ll split the sushi cost because the rest can be frozen as it’s not that much different from my grocery order but I don’t want to eat this for the next bloody week!

Not one of them had a valid reason for not being there. I am so sorry OP. They are horrible flaky shits and I would drop them like hot bricks. I'd be devastated too, and you must send them a message and let them know.

Yanbu to be raging but lesson learned that this isn't a reliable group.
How much of the food cam just be bunged in the freezer and how much is actually going to waste? It wouldn't be unreasonable to send something to the group saying "Sorry about all the unwellness/exhaustion, hope everyone is feeling better today after a more restful weekend. Hope we can find another date soon. Meanwhile I am about £40 out of pocket for food that won't freeze, won't keep and I can't get through solo so it will go to waste. Can you each ping me a fiver per head to 12345678 s/c 12-34-56 to share the pain?"

That’s so, so shit and I’d be so upset, and angry! Their excuses are all absolutely pathetic too, flaky dickheads.

Wow, that's an awful thing to do to you! And a "niece being sick?!" What kind of lame, made-up excuse is that??! Unless your friend happens to be the legal guardian of her sibling's kids, how would some niece being sick curtail her dinner plans?
As others have said, these friends need to reimburse you for all the food you bought!!

I feel bad for you but try to learn from it. Genuine friends are few and far between.
There is a tendency to class anyone who also attends a place like university, a pub etc as a friend.

You've learnt this is not true.
Nowadays I just class most people as acquaintances, pleasant company but I don't expect them to have my back.
It's shared values that make a friendship not circumstances like going to same drinking den etc.

That's horrible but the food doesn't need to be wasted. Eat the sushi over the next day or two (it will be absolutely fine for that time period, it will also freeze but might not be as nice when defrosted) and freeze the brisket and seafood.

But it sounds like these people aren't really your friends and are also very selfish and entitled, dictating the menu when someone else is hosting and then also hiding behind Whatsapp when deciding to cancel, they should have at least phoned and explained in person.

Unless you really want to maintain a relationship with these people, it's probably best to let the friendship die a death, but if anyone ever suggests a similar event in the future, you should speak up and make it clear how badly they treat you last time and how upsetting it was.

What did you reply to the messages? The normal response would be to tell them that you've bought lots of food.

I am flabbergasted that they had the gall to give such lame excuses. Presumably these are people in their 20s? They can't manage a weekend social life because their job has made them a bit tired?! Honestly, I despair.

Yes this is what they suggested. God knows when I’ll finish the food though as work provides lunch, colleagues and I usually go out for dinner anyway, and I don’t wanna eat the same thing for a week+ either way.

Oh, and I am pretty close with my nieces and nephews. Never once have I had to cancel my plans because my brother's child was ill!

Get real guys no one is gonna stump up money for food they didn’t eat. Take this on the chin, block and don’t bother with them. Maybe those people introduced partners didn’t ask the partners if they wanted to go. Anyways clearly you are not a priority to them. Does it matter to you ?

YANBU

Its one thing if you are sick or your child is, then it’s fair though to cancel.

But to give the excuse that you are tired or have had a long week is such a slap in the face!

There was a thread on here a couple of weeks ago about a woman wanting to cancel last minute on her friends hen do as she was tired and I was shocked by how many posters told her to cancel (fortunately many other posters told her not to).

I wouldn’t bother contacting them again.
If they contact you and arrange a meet up and you decide you want to see them again, tell them you won’t be hosting.

Did they pay you for all of the food you bought?

I wonder if they would have been so quick to cancel if they had paid a deposit for a pub meal.

In the past the way we did it was we pay about $20 to $30 to the host depending on what we’re eating and that more or less covers our share.

Why didn't you say 'Come on everyone I've bought all the food so let's go ahead and we won't make it a late one'?

That's really shitty and there's no way I'd be offering to host again. If asked I'd say why as well.
This is honestly why I don't really have friends anymore. I have people I will chat with but keep everyone at a distance. I've NEVER had a friend group that isn't a disappointment. It's much easier to just not bother! Really sad but I'm happier for it.

I think I would have played it lighthearted but made it clear the impact of their decision. Something like "no problem. Lets leave it few weeks as the fridge is full and I need to use all the food up. Someone else will need to host as I cant face another fortnight of sausages if we need to cancel gain!"

Could you have said to the ones who could make it, let’s still go ahead as I’ve got the food in ready and it would be great to see you.

send them the food costs and next time just give them all takeaway menus for the local indian/chinese restaurant and order in. That way, if they don't show it hasn't cost you a penny.