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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Why are you awful?

288 replies

ppppoff · 12/11/2023 20:53

Aibu to ask why you are awful?

I have friends and a good family who I get on with 99% of the time (I think) and like to think of myself as a very normal person but I defiantly have my flaws that I am trying to recognise and own.

I've rubbed some people up the wrong way this week by my inability to apologise when I make a mistake. It is absolutely the worst possible thing when someone points out a mistake I have made or criticise me. I know I hold some childhood trauma of criticism and I get a physical reaction when it happens in adulthood and I quickly try to deflect and manipulate situations to try and wriggle my way out of holding my hands up and saying 'yep, sorry'

I also think I have a tight grip of control over others peoples ideas. I really back myself and believe my ideas to be correct unless someone gives me a watertight alternative that I can't find fault with. If someone's idea has cracks in it, I will usually dismiss it and just bound ahead with my own. I know this pisses people off but I'm so scared of going with perceived cracked ideas as I'm convinced they will fail.

Would just love to know what other failings you recognise in yourself to make me feel like I'm not a horrid person?

OP posts:
Blueeyedmale · 12/11/2023 20:58

I've done some bad things in my time that many would think are awful indeed my new self thinks they are awful.but sometimes op we just ourselves far too harshly if we love and are loved by those closest to us and we can learn to love ourselves that's what matters

Gnomegnomegnome · 12/11/2023 21:00

I don’t let people get close to me and if they do I fuck it up purposely because I think that they’ll leave eventually anyway.

Watchthedoormat · 12/11/2023 21:02

I'm very controlling and have perfectionist tendencies.
I can be very two-faced

OuiOuiKitty · 12/11/2023 21:04

Gnomegnomegnome · 12/11/2023 21:00

I don’t let people get close to me and if they do I fuck it up purposely because I think that they’ll leave eventually anyway.

Kind of similar. I push family away because I was abused as a kid and even though it wasn't other family members fault being close to any family makes me feel really uncomfortable/relive my childhood so I have made a big distance between us rather than actually deal with my shit.

Celticliving · 12/11/2023 21:06

Gnomegnomegnome · 12/11/2023 21:00

I don’t let people get close to me and if they do I fuck it up purposely because I think that they’ll leave eventually anyway.

Me too. I have BPD.

TheLightSideOfTheMoon · 12/11/2023 21:06

I seek revenge on those who’ve wronged me.

Proper revenge. Karma 2.0.

Pewpewbarneymcgrew · 12/11/2023 21:06

I’m a terrible gossip

CalistoNoSolo · 12/11/2023 21:06

I can't tolerate weakness or lack of gumption. Life is shite, get over it. Life is also incredible, be grateful for it.

threecupsofteaminimum · 12/11/2023 21:07

I've made mistakes and am now very critical and harsh on myself and others too.

I don't like being around people much anymore.

I think my trauma is too engrained so just assume it's easier not to involve myself with others much. Apart from DS, I'd rather be alone.

ApocalypseNowt · 12/11/2023 21:08

I can be a bit of a sulker.

SisterHyster · 12/11/2023 21:09

I deliberately start arguments when I’m hormonal.

6kgEPS · 12/11/2023 21:09

CalistoNoSolo · 12/11/2023 21:06

I can't tolerate weakness or lack of gumption. Life is shite, get over it. Life is also incredible, be grateful for it.

Edited

I’d say this too. I can’t handle navel gazing, self-pity and self-imposed victimhood - just get the fuck on with it.

I accept, fully, this is a very harsh mindset and I do have to rein it in.

wesurecouldstandgladioli · 12/11/2023 21:09

I have many flaws but I’m not awful at all.

freyf · 12/11/2023 21:10

As I get older I am feeling very similar and the trauma of disappointing people and annoying them with my flaws is just too much for me to cope with.

Rather just not deal with people as much as possible on any deeper level that small talk and fleeting chats.

Thank you this is really interesting already and has made me feel much better knowing I'm not a total horrid bitch.

Icecreameverytime · 12/11/2023 21:12

I'm very 2-faced with some people, not all. I've done some truly horrible things that i hate myself over. I can't undo them. I've lied to family/loved ones/friends many times. Family was when I was in my 20s. I'm now 55. I accidentally killed the family pet several years ago now. No one knows I did it. I'm a terrible person but don't mean to be. I lied to protect my family. I lied to friends for my own sanity.

BodegaSushi · 12/11/2023 21:12

CalistoNoSolo · 12/11/2023 21:06

I can't tolerate weakness or lack of gumption. Life is shite, get over it. Life is also incredible, be grateful for it.

Edited

Oooh this would have to be mine as well. I harshly judge people who appear to lack resilience. We all have jobs/lives/families that have negative bits. We just don't go on about it constantly and let it become our whole personality.

Curiosity101 · 12/11/2023 21:12

I'm incredibly intolerant of people who are doing something wrong where I feel they should know better. If it's someone's first time doing something or if they struggle then I've got all the patience in the world. But if they should know better... 😬

I'm also allergic to inefficiency and struggle to recognise authority. And can be honest to a fault.

It's not as much of an issue in my personal life, but can be problematic at work. I have to be incredibly mindful at all times of who I'm speaking to so that I'm not too honest about the wrong thing in the wrong situation. It's also a reason I don't drink much, I need all my faculties to ensure I don't say anything that could upset someone or that I might regret later. I don't mean to ruffle feathers, I just really struggle not to sometimes so put a lot of effort in to avoid it.

Carsarelife · 12/11/2023 21:13

@Gnomegnomegnome I do the same. I've only just realised I do this

tulippa · 12/11/2023 21:13

I'm not always honest if I'm unhappy or disagree with something. Things have blown up in my face before when I've tried to please too many people at once because I've not been brave enough to say no.

freyf · 12/11/2023 21:13

CalistoNoSolo · 12/11/2023 21:06

I can't tolerate weakness or lack of gumption. Life is shite, get over it. Life is also incredible, be grateful for it.

Edited

This is also me. But I also suffer terrible mental health episodes every couple of years and send out huge cries for help. I feel sad that nobody ever comes for me and I resent the people closest to me for not helping. They are of this mindset and it upsets me so much. But I also understand it when I'm looking at others.

bluepurpleangel · 12/11/2023 21:14

I’m a perfectionist which means I’m very quick to find fault in myself and other people/things.

I’ve mostly trained myself out of revealing this now, but internally I can be very glass half empty!

Also I spend too much time on my phone 🙃

ChannelyourinnerElsa · 12/11/2023 21:15

I am impatient, especially with other people carrying out tasks that I am sure shouldn’t take as long as they make them take.

I’m very short on sympathy sometimes. I read on here often about useless men and I can’t understand why on earth the women stay. It makes me so frustrated, and I lack the empathy to see why.

MrsTerryPratchett · 12/11/2023 21:16

I'm a know-it-all who interrupts. I'm also a bit of a shit friend for keeping in touch. Although I am great in a crisis so give with one hand, take with the other!

freyf · 12/11/2023 21:16

tulippa · 12/11/2023 21:13

I'm not always honest if I'm unhappy or disagree with something. Things have blown up in my face before when I've tried to please too many people at once because I've not been brave enough to say no.

God this is me so much too!

Curiosity101 · 12/11/2023 21:19

@tulippa and @freyf - Where as I am the exact opposite. I assure you that saying no and being clear about boundaries isn't well received most of the time. 😅😂

These sorts of things are a two sided coin. There's up sides and down sides to every trait.