Why are you awful?

[ppppoff]

Aibu to ask why you are awful?

I have friends and a good family who I get on with 99% of the time (I think) and like to think of myself as a very normal person but I defiantly have my flaws that I am trying to recognise and own.

I've rubbed some people up the wrong way this week by my inability to apologise when I make a mistake. It is absolutely the worst possible thing when someone points out a mistake I have made or criticise me. I know I hold some childhood trauma of criticism and I get a physical reaction when it happens in adulthood and I quickly try to deflect and manipulate situations to try and wriggle my way out of holding my hands up and saying 'yep, sorry'

I also think I have a tight grip of control over others peoples ideas. I really back myself and believe my ideas to be correct unless someone gives me a watertight alternative that I can't find fault with. If someone's idea has cracks in it, I will usually dismiss it and just bound ahead with my own. I know this pisses people off but I'm so scared of going with perceived cracked ideas as I'm convinced they will fail.

Would just love to know what other failings you recognise in yourself to make me feel like I'm not a horrid person?

I disconnect a lot from reality. I'm not really as present, grateful and available to my family as I should be. As a result I have a very distant and lukewarm relationship with my parents and siblings, and a pretty terrible relationship with my husband (although the latter is only 50% my fault - his for being selfish and angry, mine for disconnecting instead of dealing with it one way or the other).

I can't stand people who trip over themselves to be helpful. I'm self reliant and tough so I can't really understand when others aren't. Also really hate when - women in particular- constantly apologise for themselves.

I hate the lack of resilience in a lot of people I work with. I cannot stand the way they are all 'triggered' by everything around them, meaning they do a shit job 'because anxiety'. Anxiety is a catch all term for 'I can't be arsed but if I use the Mental Health Card I can do as I please and noone can say anything'

I despair that women choose and accept useless men to father their children and then act all surprised when he refuses to do housework or parenting.

I have zero sympathy for those that don't/won't help themselves.

I miss my nieces and nephews' birthdays all the time. There are quite a few of them and I send one too late/ forget altogether at least once every single year. I really do try and I often plan ahead what I will get them, but I just don't seem to get a chance to order/ post the damn things early enough. What's worse is I'm a godmother to one of them, I feel so bad about it.

I interrupt people, which I hate. I think I just misjudge it and think they've finished talking but they haven't. It feels like my brain goes a million miles an hour sometimes in conversations.

I "correct" people, sort of. For example, if someone says "For the meeting on Tuesday..." but from the context it's clear that they just had a slip of the tongue and really meant Thursday, I still compulsively have to check that they don't actually mean Tuesday. So I have to ask, "Do you mean Thursday?" and I sound like a knob. In that precise moment I just doubt my judgement and I have to ask.

I do however like to think that I'm warm and kind in person and that I'm aware of these things and working on them - hopefully this shows and so people forgive me.

This is also me 🙈

I do try to understand why a woman would end up with and stay with someone who treats them like shit.

But I recently read a post by a woman in a dating FB group for 'positive' experiences of dating someone in prison, she'd just started chatting to him and he was in for a long time. I judged the fuck away, and I have to say I don't feel bad about it, so I suppose that's a bad thing about me.

I can't stand conflict so will happily white lie my way across life to avoid it. IE if I don't want to go somewhere or do something I'll say I'm busy, I won't say I don't feel like it or don't want to or whatever. I'm so conflict averse it's very unhealthy.

I am massively affected by other people's moods and feelings.

I'm not the biggest fan of cuddling but tolerate it because my lovely, wonderful, gorgeous, loving husband is a big cuddler. When he's super cuddly and I'm not feeling it I fart on him to get him to go away because I don't want to hurt his feelings. I'm fairly certain this secures me a spot in one of the circles of hell.

On a more serious note I'm super intolerant of other people minorly inconveniencing me, to the point I will get irrationally furious if someone stands in front of the cheese for 1.5 seconds too long in the supermarket or dithers for more than a heartbeat when ordering coffee. I can get really awful and nowty with a total stranger for just existing in my way.

I find it very hard to give anyone a second chance….even when I know they deserve it. I can’t stand the thought of someone making a mug of me, so do it once and it’s goodbye from me.
I can also be a bit quick to judge. There was a lady that moved to our village a couple of years ago. She always looked like she thought she was better than the rest of us…strutted around with her high heels and long, gorgeous hair. We nicknamed her ‘face ache’ in the pub as she never smiled and always looked like she had a bad smell under her nose. I didn’t talk to her for months, would blank her in the street and not even say hello to her in the pub.

Turns out she’d been rehoused in our village to get away from her very abusive ex. She was fighting all sorts of demons whilst supporting her 2 DD on her own and being a main carer to her disabled brother.

She’s now my best mate. The most genuine, loyal, caring, generous, funny, strong, resilient woman I’ve ever met and I’ve not gone a day without speaking to her for the last 18 months.

That’ll teach me for being a judgemental twat!

Oh and I also find it hard to apologise sometimes. If it's about something I really care about, I feel upset that I've made a mistake and so I want to explain the mistake so that they don't think I just didn't bother to try or didn't understand what to do. But that sounds a lot like making excuses and it pisses people off.

I suspect some of the people who frustrate you are also frustrated by you.

I am terrible at reaching out and asking for/ knowing when to ask for help. Will muddle through miserably rather than ask…..and put a brave face on constantly…. Will moan about things for ages rather than just having a conversation.

I will keep things bottled up til they’re really awful too.

I either stick things out for far too long or make knee jerk impulsive decisions…. No in between.

o I overthink…. It’s draining. I think about other people’s problems.

o and o also really struggle to tolerate people who boil my p*ss. In every work situation there’s one (and it’s sometimes a manager who can’t really be avoided)

but aside from that I’m loyal, and genuine.

I try to balance things and say no to the big stuff but it usually ends up with me staying quiet and then just not doing something I disagree with. Which causes a whole new set of problems when someone is expecting me to do something because I haven't said no to it.

Almost certainly 😅

I gossip too much, especially at work. I can be a bit impatient and bossy. I probably think I'm right more often than I actually am!!

I struggle with working under anyone because I cannot bear being told what to do. Happy to help, if someone wants my help I'm a pig in shit but I cannot deal with being told what to do. I have a real issue with authority.
I think I'm not a team player. I see negatives & while I've worked for big companies before I notoriously piss people off by pointing out how& why things don't work. I mean I might be right but I usually leave because I cannot help but rock the boat.
I've worked for myself for 12 years & I'm definitely better at that.
Personally life in a much better state thankfully!

I don't care about seeing anyone but my children. I have a very tiring and stressful life. All my energy goes to making sure my children are happy and stable. I haven't got it in me to make any kind of effort for family members or friends. I am not a person who would rally round in difficult times but by the same token I'd never want anyone to do that for me. I'll manage by myself and just really wish others would too.

I give utterly crap presents. I have no idea what other people will actually enjoy, even people I've known and loved my whole life.

I'm hate smalltalk and often find myself just agreeing with whatever someone feels even if five minutes before in a different conversation I was nodding along to completely the opposite point.

Oooh how? I'd love some ideas!

I can be passive aggressive sometimes and I hate it. My mum would behave this way towards me when I was growing up, any issues or upset were never discussed you'd just get passive aggressive comments or you'd be loudly talked about within earshot.

I've worked really hard to stop doing this and to instead discuss issues and work them out like an adult, but it is hard to change a pattern of behaviour when it feels so engrained.

I don’t think I am actually AWFUL, but when I’m getting frustrated with myself my first line of defence is to get frustrated with other people’s weaknesses rather than get my own house in order, I periodically burn myself out which is very annoying for colleagues and family. I don’t prioritise getting enough sleep so I am often irritable. I can be disorganised (usually when on the road to burnout), I can be flakey (less so now) I am not brilliant at regular contact with friends. I am generally a good communicator except when things get stressful (ie when you just need to be), when really stressed I can REALLY stick my head in the sand and fiddle while Rome burns (all the cliches). Also when stressed I get obsessed by detail and miss the big picture. I have a robust sense of humour which can (apparently!) come across as dark and mean.

I am annoying more than awful, I think. I certainly annoy myself.

I can’t do tea and sympathy, or hugs. I’m not good at emotional support. Practical support, a listening ear, yes. But I’m not good at crying with you. I will feel it deeply but never be able to act on it.

I am always looking for ways to have been hard done by. Looking to trip others up to justify my feelings.

I’m awful at maintaining friendships, proper out of sight out of mind (classic ADHD).

I talk more than I listen.
I interrupt people, a lot (I get overexcited and can't seem to stop myself, I've even googled how to stop but in the moment I don't even notice I'm doing it!). My mum did it and I found it annoying, but I seem to do exactly the same.
I'm automatically against anything if it's someone else's idea. My default is no.
I'm tight (grew up in poverty, can't do anything without thinking about costs) to the point that it's really quite annoying to myself, never mind others.
I'm quite controlling (luckily DH is lazy and happy for me to lead) and have to be in charge of things.
I've got a bit of a (unwarranted) superiority complex and am quite judgemental.

I can blame a chaotic and traumatic childhood for a lot of it, but yeah I'm definitely awful in myriad ways. I have good qualities too, apparently.

When I see people I know in town or in the Street I turn away or look away and pretend I haven't seen them - think dart into the nearest shop! I have no idea why I do this, it's like an automatic reaction to go and hide. It's not that I have any reason or that I dislike the people, I think its because I worry about what to talk about maybe? It's just it's such an instant reaction and I've never managed to stop it.
I'd love to do a Psychology analysis on my own brain!