Why are you awful?

[ppppoff]

Aibu to ask why you are awful?

I have friends and a good family who I get on with 99% of the time (I think) and like to think of myself as a very normal person but I defiantly have my flaws that I am trying to recognise and own.

I've rubbed some people up the wrong way this week by my inability to apologise when I make a mistake. It is absolutely the worst possible thing when someone points out a mistake I have made or criticise me. I know I hold some childhood trauma of criticism and I get a physical reaction when it happens in adulthood and I quickly try to deflect and manipulate situations to try and wriggle my way out of holding my hands up and saying 'yep, sorry'

I also think I have a tight grip of control over others peoples ideas. I really back myself and believe my ideas to be correct unless someone gives me a watertight alternative that I can't find fault with. If someone's idea has cracks in it, I will usually dismiss it and just bound ahead with my own. I know this pisses people off but I'm so scared of going with perceived cracked ideas as I'm convinced they will fail.

Would just love to know what other failings you recognise in yourself to make me feel like I'm not a horrid person?

Yes!
My own children are okay. The rest? Nah.
I even dislike most of my friends children. Well, not dislike. I just don’t want to spend time with them.

I'll admit that sometimes being drunk and impulsive gets me things that otherwise I wouldn't be able to accomplish.

I have an immature, rebellious streak that rails against convention, dyed-in-the-wool traditions and doing what's expected. I'm a pretty collegial colleague and it's not that I can't take instructions or constructive criticism, but when it comes to social convention I can't stand being told what to do. Hold a big wedding because it's expected? We eloped. Hen weekends and baby showers? Thanks but no thanks. Formal, understated dress? My style usually resembles either a Woodstock throwback or leftover rocker. I'm a dreamy, arty procrastinator, meaning practical tasks often get neglected and I spend far too much time dragging my feet over tasks I find a tedium.

I can't stomach unthinking conformism to set standards, women who throw other women, especially victims of abuse, under the bus to appease patriarchal standards, the expectation that women be apologetic and 'nice' and will hold back from articulating forceful views, idle gossip or those who indulge in it, or passive aggression, which I view as amongst the worst forms of cowardice.

I'm extremely judgemental about all the above. I can very easily turn my back and walk away from what I consider to be beneath my notice, although I'm likely to call this 'choosing my battles'. I'm not conflict avoidant if conflict is likely to result in some tangible, desirable outcome, but find fewer battles are worth fighting the older I get.

All the above probably elevates my blood pressure far more than it should, and I thank OP for posting this thread as the reasons for this are worth examining.

I like this thread, there’s very few threads ( or people ) in life or on MN who admit to their mistakes or flaws.

I’m a complete control freak and have to have everything sorted and a plan B or else I start to panic and think worse case scenario in everything, I cannot be spontaneous at all which doesn’t bode well for some of my close relationships with people who are very relaxed about things such as arranging trips last minute or more important life decisions which again are decided very quickly.

Strangely enough I don’t get upset by the usual things we see on MN, so parking, neighbour noise, bin etiquette or day to day gripes with those around us but I lose my mind if things that affect myself and my routine are not planned meticulously with every eventuality thought about and planned for.

Definitely this. I like my own kids and two of my nieces / nephews. I occasionally meet the odd one who I think is cool or a good laugh. The rest I can take or leave, or think are absolute little shits.

Well good for you, aren’t you just Super Duper.

I can't tolerate laziness and shut down completely if someone is lazy around me.

I'm never content. I have a lovely life and couldn't complain about anything but I'm always looking for the next job or a new house or to have another baby.

Premenstrual me is not a very nice person and I hate how irritable I am.

No patience about anything ever.

I'm a huge gossip

Do not tell me secrets, because I'll tell everyone I know.

A phrase I say over and over again..."Dont tell anyone I told you this, but......"

I feel very little empathy for anyone else apart from DH and DS. I wouldn't expect empathy from anyone else though.

I don’t take work seriously or believe the corporate bullshit. I sit in meetings nodding and smiling and all the while in my head I’m thinking “what a load of crap, none of this matters”…I say all the right words and then people nod along with what I’m saying, and I don’t mean a word of it. Pure acting. I feel bad because others seem so earnest and invested but I’m not, at all.

Me, @minipie and @happinessischocolate will be super-friends. Who never actually meet because we're all shit.

Works for me.

I procrastinate to the point of causing problems.
I’m damn messy.
I won’t open your text messages for four days.

And I LOVE fireworks. I think in the current vibe that makes me awful.

I'm a complete people pleaser and don't speak my mind and then moan behind their backs

I’m a nightmare. I’m self centred, irritable and controlling. Absolutely can’t stand myself. Try not to think about it too much because the self hatred can really tip me over the edge

(I’m absolutely not like this in my parenting though and it’s why my mental health has been so much better since having DC)

At my core I am utterly convinced that most people are unintelligent, boring and selfish. So most people hold no interest for me whatsoever. I’be mostly been proven right. Maybe it’s me who is weird, but frankly I don’t give a hoot if it is. I’d rather be interesting and alone than bored rigid with others!

People hurt me. So I shut off.

Guilty of schadenfreude. Most unattractive 🫣
Not with close family and friends but on the internet. Probably not the place to be admitting this …

I spend too much money

This.
And I've become pathologically bad at decision making and making any commitments with my time.

Where to start…

I can be pretty lazy. Would happily let someone do something for me even if I could easily do it/should do it as it’s for me.

I can be pretty selfish. Will do things for others but often keep score/feel resentful of it.

Can be pretty entitled. I have an easy life but often procrastinate on what I need to do (see laziness above).

I think most people are idiots and won’t come up with as good a way as me in doing things etc.

I can be incredibly impatient with people, particularly when they’re being idiotic.

I talk far more than I listen.

If I don’t have a good start to the day/wake up on the wrong side of bed, I’m prone to writing the whole day off, rather than turn my frame of mind around.

I expect most people to let me down in some way eventually and fail to live up to my high expectations, which I course I can’t fulfil myself, making me a cynical hypocrite.

Interesting post. I am lazy as fuck although I think some of it is health related and also stress related and feeling ridiculously overwhelmed after a never-ending difficult few years. It just seems like I operate much slower than other people. I eat slower, drink slower, need about 9 hours sleep else I feel ill. On the plus side I feel generally satisfied as my days seem "fuller" sooner than another person's who would try to pack several things in. Kind of like an old young person. I would love to meet someone like me!

I can be very b-wordy and gossipy. Like, really nasty.

I like food and drink too much.

Sometimes I lie.

The whole range of sins basically.

I've found that converting to Catholicism and going to Confession has helped me focus on trying to improve @ppppoff x