Why are you awful?

[ppppoff]

Aibu to ask why you are awful?

I have friends and a good family who I get on with 99% of the time (I think) and like to think of myself as a very normal person but I defiantly have my flaws that I am trying to recognise and own.

I've rubbed some people up the wrong way this week by my inability to apologise when I make a mistake. It is absolutely the worst possible thing when someone points out a mistake I have made or criticise me. I know I hold some childhood trauma of criticism and I get a physical reaction when it happens in adulthood and I quickly try to deflect and manipulate situations to try and wriggle my way out of holding my hands up and saying 'yep, sorry'

I also think I have a tight grip of control over others peoples ideas. I really back myself and believe my ideas to be correct unless someone gives me a watertight alternative that I can't find fault with. If someone's idea has cracks in it, I will usually dismiss it and just bound ahead with my own. I know this pisses people off but I'm so scared of going with perceived cracked ideas as I'm convinced they will fail.

Would just love to know what other failings you recognise in yourself to make me feel like I'm not a horrid person?

I manage to offend people just by trying to fit in and make casual chit chat. It's my manner I think, as I try to be supportive and it comes across as patronising or I try to be jokey and it is taken seriously.

@BodegaSushi
yes! I also massively judge the “he does nothing with the first two kids and I’m expecting a third” ones.

plus, the “contraceptive failure” rate amongst the women in these situations seems to be about a 1000 times higher than the rest of the population…… evidently my cynical outlook is also pretty shit.

I took all the biscuits when no-one was looking and ate them in the toilet.
It was stupid to say that the dog had eaten them.

I have a horrific temper, and am impatient with less clever people.

Oohh, all these too. In fact I'm reading so many of these and adding them to my already long list.
Maybe we're just all a bit shit, really.

I will never open up to anyone. I always give a ‘politician’s’ answer to a question and am constantly watching others to pick up on tone, nuance, vibe. A friend once joked that I only ever gave a “ClemFandango” answer to a question instead of my actual opinion, which was accurate.

I've been chronically unfaithful in the past and struggle with monogamy even though it's good for me in many ways.

I can be a coward.

I’m quite judgemental and think fairly highly of myself, but because of aforementioned “always say the right thing” I hide it quite well.

I’m quite impatient and have the impulse control of a toddler (again, adhd).

I can be very self-centred and quite selfish. I struggle to sympathise and empathise with others. I am good at acting though, and I always ask the right questions and show the right support, but I struggle to feel genuinely sad or happy for others.

I'm a bit of a gossip. If I'm in a conversation and talking about others in a negative light, I quite enjoy it as it makes me feel better about myself and my own situation.

I'm not proud of any of this.

I cut my nose off to spite my face. My ex boyf pointed it out to me a couple of years ago and my word, he was right. Been trying to not do it so much since.

I love my best friend. She has a lifelong health condition. Most days she is very good at living with it and all the stresses it brings. There are some seasons where she isn't, and she'll talk on a downer for weeks/months at a time. She will often call on me to do things for her, which she can't do herself. All the joy is sucked out of her and every conversation we have always comes back to her illness and her needs. I actively avoid spending time with her when she's going on about it. I hate myself for it, as I know they are the times which she needs me the most.

So many things.

But here is one nobody else will admit to - I drive in the middle lane, at the speed limit. Yes, and I'm not sorry. And I think it is ridiculous that all the people who are driving at the speed limit should crowd into the left lane to make it more comfortable and convenient for those breaking the speed limit to overtake them in two free lanes. And I'm not dodging in and out of the left lane overtaking the slow ones either. Fuck that.

Shit, I’m nodding my head in agreement with at least 80% of these responses. I must be an absolute bitch.

STBXH says I'm emotionally stunted. No, I just don't see the point of telling everyone how I feel like he does. I don't think I'm that interesting so why would they want to know?

Other people see me as strong. Strong, or emotionally stunted? I don't know. I just want to get on with things my way. If I cry or want to share something with someone I do but once it's out I just want to move on. I've been in therapy a few times. I mostly tell the truth.

I can be controlling though. Especially when I firmly believe I'm right.

I am bitter about my relatives living a life of Riley while my mum and I were left to care for my dying gran.
And how they have had up to 7 holidays since her death 6 months ago, while we are grieving and struggle to enjoy anything.
And that they will swan off with a portion of her cash.
And one tried to push me out of sorting her funeral plans.
I am so bitter and can't get over it. Don't want to hear about them now. I do love them, but I can't do the whole e'it's family so it's all ok' atm. My gran told me the week before she died she was disappointed in them and I can't forget it.
My health is terrible from the stress and I'm just angry. I have watched my mum go from a patient, fun loving person to someone who snaps all the time out of frustration, gets ill a lot and doesn't really enjoy life.

But that makes me bad 'because it's family - I need to get over myself'

I'm really bitchy and a bit Jekyl and Hyde personality wise

Can be detached and cold, think this is a British thing though

Also, I see my friend being a total hypocrite and just can't get over it, but who am I to judge her???

I’m critical and judgemental of people. I don’t know why and I wish I wasn’t. When I go off someone I will find myself mentally criticising everything they say and do to the point I can’t think about anything else.

I have absolutely no patience for people who have dramas over trivial things.

I'm a control freak perfectionist and believe that if I put my mind to something then I could do it better than anyone else that ever lived. Essentially a god/superiority complex I suppose. I convince myself I'm more intelligent/talented than I actually am.
I'm also outrageously competitive.

Obviously I have recognised these traits with age and can see they're bonkers and have no truth in them, but they don't magically go away just because you're aware of them. I can at least inwardly argue with the mental side of me now though!

I enjoy gossip.
I hold grudges for years.

I’m miserable and negative. I try so hard to reign it in, but the negativity always slips out.

I’m so introverted it’s like an illness. I dislike socialising and hate meeting new people. In fact, I have never looked forward to a social event in my life. On the contrary, I secretly dread them. I much prefer books to people. They’re much more interesting. I honestly think I’d be happy in solitary confinement. Prison would suit me, so long as I was left alone.

Still, I’ve got a soft heart. I can’t bear to see good people suffer, and will do anything to help them.

1. I’ve been having an affair for nearly 3 years.

2. I have absolutely no patience for “inefficient” people:- dawdling, being late, even walking an efficient route gives me the absolute rage

3. I have an absolute aversion to asking or accepting help from men. Women I have no issue. I’d rather my arms fell off than ask a man to carry or lift something for me

I'm anti social underneath my smiley exterior, I find the vast majority of people very boring.

I'm obsessive about things and I can't let things go. If I think I haven't done something , I have to go back and check. If I've lost something, I can't settle until I've either found or replaced it. I'm irrational over that.

Also, deep down I strongly dislike my partners family. I genuinely believe if I woke up tomorrow and never saw any of them again, it'd mean nothing to me.

I avoid work dos. I make up excuses so as not to go on them. If I have to attend work functions I make sure I drive so that I can’t drink. I’m paranoid I will be honest and blunt and say exactly what I think and I know my manager holds grudges. I also know she thinks I’m anti social hence why I have taken to lying so as not to go.
Unbeknown to management and some other staff members a group of us regularly socialise outside of work. It’s a secret. We meet up frequently but we keep it to ourselves. I do drink and say exactly what I think when I’m with that close group of people.