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Original poster

Visiting in-laws who have a dangerous dog..wwyd

436 replies

Kerrieanne85 · 10/11/2023 19:04

Advice please/how would you word this???

Firstly I want to state I have a Fantastic relationship with in-laws, absolutely love my MIL and FIL.

They've invited us over to their house for FIL's birthday next weekend. They live about 2 hours away so we only see each other every couple of months.

We're looking forward to seeing them and our two DC aged 9 & 6 can't wait to see their grandparents.

Here's the thing, they are currently housing a "dangerous dog". The dog belonged to their daughter (my SIL)....she never trained the dog properly, is super hyper, doesn't take order from owners, the dog has bitten other cousins when they visited SIL, the dog attacked SIL's boyfriends leg so badly leading him to be on crutches for 7 weeks. Dog has also bitten FIL that he needed stitches at the hospital on a different occasion. Dog was advised to be put down but SIL couldn't bring herself to go through with it, so they tried to rehome him...no-one wants the dog with its history. MIL also loves the dog to bits and can't bring herself to have him put down. Now SIL has a 9 month old baby they have given the dog to MIL and FIL.

The dog is now taking medication 3 times a day to 'calm him down'. MIL says the dog has been fine with just the two of them in the house and she gives him medication.

Hubby doesn't like to see his parents with the dog there as we're all not comfortable with him. I told hubby to speak to his dad regarding possibly having the dog elsewhere when we visit with our young children. He doesn't want to cause an atmosphere as it's his step-mum and she's absolutely besotted with this dog and she can get quite defensive about the issue when it's been brought up in the past.

How would you ask her about the dogs whereabouts when we visit next week. She can have this 'it's my house, my way' attitude sometimes.

Before anyone says host them at our house. We always host them at our house when we see them mainly for this reason, this time they want us to go to their house

Thanks for the read

OP posts:
RampantIvy · 10/11/2023 19:06

Personally, I wouldn't go.

thistimelastweek · 10/11/2023 19:06

I wouldn't visit a house with such a dog.

I just couldn't go there with my children.

LilyLemonade · 10/11/2023 19:07

I wouldn’t go.

disappearingfish · 10/11/2023 19:07

Honestly, I would not go.

Healthandsocialcaremodule · 10/11/2023 19:08

Visiting in-laws who have a dangerous dog..wwyd

Don't.

Balloonhearts · 10/11/2023 19:08

Tell them outright, you can't risk a dog with a bite history being around your children, it would be negligence as a parent to do so.

If she's angry, she's angry. It doesn't matter. Your kids matter. Dog should have been put to sleep after it bit the second time. It was clear then that it wasn't a one off and it couldn't be trusted. Just because she hasn't fulfilled her responsibilities doesn't mean you shouldn't.

User562377 · 10/11/2023 19:08

I would say they have to have the dog out of the house or you won't go. Although I'm guessing no-one else will have the dog?

BeardieWeirdie · 10/11/2023 19:08

Don’t go. Tough shit if they want you to meet their lovely, gentle fur-baby who is misunderstood.

JustWhatWeDontNeed · 10/11/2023 19:09

I wouldn't go, regardless of children.

DisquietintheRanks · 10/11/2023 19:10

I would just be very clear with them. "We are not comfortable being around the dog/having the children around the dog. If we are to visit you then the dog needs to be locked away for the duration of the visit."

And then having set that boundary you need to enforce it ie take the children to the loo so they don't inadvertently wander into the room with the dog, be ready to leave if the dog is brought in.

If they get upset or argue then you don't visit. It really is that simple. Just meet at a third location close to their house instead.

Missingmyusername · 10/11/2023 19:11

I have a dog, I grew up with dogs, I’ll always have dogs but I wouldn’t take my child into that environment.

We had a dog with a bite history (due to dementia and old age) and we never had guests over as a result. I’ve no idea why your mil would want to put her dog in the situation where it may bite.

Meet in a pub!

Scirocco · 10/11/2023 19:11

It's their house, but it's your children's safety.

They can have people visit their home when they no longer have a known dangerous dog there. The dog's a danger to everyone and needs to be pts for everyone's (and its own) safety and wellbeing.

Ibravedaflood · 10/11/2023 19:11

Book a hotel or bnb.. Meet up away from their home.. Don't be worried about telling them exactly why..

FourChimneys · 10/11/2023 19:12

If the dog maimed/killed one of your children how would you explain to the police you knowingly took them to house with an aggressive dog with a history of biting?

You might think your MIL is lovely but she's willing to risk the lives of her grandchildren.

No way on earth would I set foot in that house even without children.

nzeire · 10/11/2023 19:12

Don’t go

i would not give a shit how angry or offended anyone was.

it’s an absolute no braineR

Justmuddlingalong · 10/11/2023 19:12

DH has to ask, regardless of the reaction he might get, or you don't go.
He's passing the buck to you, but you don't have to take it. Get him to phone them, if he doesn't or the dog will be there, cancel the visit.

PangramAddict · 10/11/2023 19:12

I do not take my children to houses where there are dogs, because they don't like them. And you can only be upfront about this. "The children can't come to the house if the dog is there, so shall we meet somewhere else, where's good near you?". They can then say the dog will be shipped out or not. If the plan is to stay then you need to get an Airbnb or hotel.
You cannot risk your children's health for them being offended.

TeaKitten · 10/11/2023 19:12

You just don’t go. If they want to put a dog over the safety of themselves and their family members that’s up to them.

PriOn1 · 10/11/2023 19:14

I would ask them whether they are willing to put the dog in a closed (ideally locked) room away from you and the children throughout the visit.

If they say no, I wouldn’t go.

If they say yes and follow through, I would stay.

If they say yes, I would also have a back-up plan for something to do/somewhere to eat in the event that they deviate from their promise in any way.

I don’t honestly understand how anyone can prioritise a dog over their own and others’ safety. The dog has caused serious injuries and should undoubtedly have been euthanased.

SomeCatFromJapan · 10/11/2023 19:15

Not a chance would I facilitate young children being in the same house as a dangerous dog.

LookItsMeAgain · 10/11/2023 19:17

I would meet somewhere in between your place & theirs so they’re only an hour from home and the dog and you’re only an hour from your place. Would that work?

Saschka · 10/11/2023 19:17

Look, SIL doesn’t want this dog around her baby does she? So she’s rehomed it. Why on earth is it ok for her to do that, but not ok for you to keep your children away from it?

Ragwort · 10/11/2023 19:17

I wouldn't dream of going .. just say NO. If your DH wants to visit on his own then he can.

MrsKeats · 10/11/2023 19:17

I love dogs and have two.
I wouldn't take your children there op.
Someone needed crutches after being attacked?
Not a chance.

Tinkerbyebye · 10/11/2023 19:18

I would ask them to remove the dog for the day. They have invited you this time, but have a dangerous dog, so the choice is they remove the dog or you don’t go and they come to you