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Original poster

Visiting in-laws who have a dangerous dog..wwyd

436 replies

Kerrieanne85 · 10/11/2023 19:04

Advice please/how would you word this???

Firstly I want to state I have a Fantastic relationship with in-laws, absolutely love my MIL and FIL.

They've invited us over to their house for FIL's birthday next weekend. They live about 2 hours away so we only see each other every couple of months.

We're looking forward to seeing them and our two DC aged 9 & 6 can't wait to see their grandparents.

Here's the thing, they are currently housing a "dangerous dog". The dog belonged to their daughter (my SIL)....she never trained the dog properly, is super hyper, doesn't take order from owners, the dog has bitten other cousins when they visited SIL, the dog attacked SIL's boyfriends leg so badly leading him to be on crutches for 7 weeks. Dog has also bitten FIL that he needed stitches at the hospital on a different occasion. Dog was advised to be put down but SIL couldn't bring herself to go through with it, so they tried to rehome him...no-one wants the dog with its history. MIL also loves the dog to bits and can't bring herself to have him put down. Now SIL has a 9 month old baby they have given the dog to MIL and FIL.

The dog is now taking medication 3 times a day to 'calm him down'. MIL says the dog has been fine with just the two of them in the house and she gives him medication.

Hubby doesn't like to see his parents with the dog there as we're all not comfortable with him. I told hubby to speak to his dad regarding possibly having the dog elsewhere when we visit with our young children. He doesn't want to cause an atmosphere as it's his step-mum and she's absolutely besotted with this dog and she can get quite defensive about the issue when it's been brought up in the past.

How would you ask her about the dogs whereabouts when we visit next week. She can have this 'it's my house, my way' attitude sometimes.

Before anyone says host them at our house. We always host them at our house when we see them mainly for this reason, this time they want us to go to their house

Thanks for the read

OP posts:
CatOnTheCludgy · 14/11/2023 03:15

OP it is not your job to fix his family dynamics.
Stay out of it.
Protect your baby.

Jojofjo44 · 14/11/2023 07:21

I would tell her directly that if she isn't willing to remove the dog for the day, keep it in the garden or such like, then we wouldn't come. I would make it plain that she is choosing a dangerous animal over her flesh and blood and this isn't acceptable.

suitsyoumissus · 14/11/2023 08:31

Read The Fucking Thread - or at least choose 'see all' to read Op's updates. They're NOT GOING.

RampantIvy · 14/11/2023 11:39

It's irritating isn't it @suitsyoumissus.
it isn't difficult to just see the OP's updates on a long thread.

Cancel the cheque 😀

Ifellasleep · 15/11/2023 10:13

It’s understandable that she doesn’t want the dog to be put to sleep if it is now settled in the home and they are all safe and happy.

But she needs to fully understand that she can’t let the dog near anyone else and that she is at risk of being charged and imprisoned if they do hurt someone. If you want to mend fences talk to her about getting tall stair gates in certain parts of the house to make sure the dog never escapes and muzzle training Zorro.

Irridescantshimmmer · 15/11/2023 10:34

Children can die when attacked by dogs. It is not long ago when a young 11 year old boy lost his life because he was killed by an out of control dog.

You have to get your priorities right and put your kids first and ask yourself if its a risk worth taking.

LadyDanburysHat · 15/11/2023 11:43

Glad you aren't going OP, but they are being cruel to the dog too. It is fine with the two of them, but they are going to fill the house for a party. IT sounds like a recipe for disaster.

MeridianB · 15/11/2023 12:43

I’m not sure they deserve all the effort you’re putting in, OP. Mostly because they really don’t seem to care about your family at all and they show that by putting a blooming dog ahead of all of you and wanting your ‘truthful’ DH to keep quiet. It all sounds really unhealthy and stressful. Wouldn’t you be happier to see and hear less of them?

MustWeDoThis · 14/02/2024 00:46

Kerrieanne85 · 10/11/2023 19:04

Advice please/how would you word this???

Firstly I want to state I have a Fantastic relationship with in-laws, absolutely love my MIL and FIL.

They've invited us over to their house for FIL's birthday next weekend. They live about 2 hours away so we only see each other every couple of months.

We're looking forward to seeing them and our two DC aged 9 & 6 can't wait to see their grandparents.

Here's the thing, they are currently housing a "dangerous dog". The dog belonged to their daughter (my SIL)....she never trained the dog properly, is super hyper, doesn't take order from owners, the dog has bitten other cousins when they visited SIL, the dog attacked SIL's boyfriends leg so badly leading him to be on crutches for 7 weeks. Dog has also bitten FIL that he needed stitches at the hospital on a different occasion. Dog was advised to be put down but SIL couldn't bring herself to go through with it, so they tried to rehome him...no-one wants the dog with its history. MIL also loves the dog to bits and can't bring herself to have him put down. Now SIL has a 9 month old baby they have given the dog to MIL and FIL.

The dog is now taking medication 3 times a day to 'calm him down'. MIL says the dog has been fine with just the two of them in the house and she gives him medication.

Hubby doesn't like to see his parents with the dog there as we're all not comfortable with him. I told hubby to speak to his dad regarding possibly having the dog elsewhere when we visit with our young children. He doesn't want to cause an atmosphere as it's his step-mum and she's absolutely besotted with this dog and she can get quite defensive about the issue when it's been brought up in the past.

How would you ask her about the dogs whereabouts when we visit next week. She can have this 'it's my house, my way' attitude sometimes.

Before anyone says host them at our house. We always host them at our house when we see them mainly for this reason, this time they want us to go to their house

Thanks for the read

I take in rescue dogs and have reared a lot of dogs. I currently have 3 large breed dogs.

One dog bit my child only once and I took him to the vet - Turns out he had a painful spinal condition. He is now in a child free home. However, the fact that this dog has attacked a lot of people - He needs to be put down. For his sake and the safety of other people. I'm surprised a vet chose to medicate rather than euthanize. I think I would be having a discreet word with the local authority and a vet, before your in-laws, or someone else ends up badly injured, or dead.

Daffodilsandtuplips · 16/02/2024 19:03

I know this has been resolved and op decided not to go but all of the tears shed by MIL & SIL over putting the dog down and how heartbroken they’d be are nothing compared to the devastation and heartbreak it would cause if it did kill someone. They need to be told this.
The dog is a ticking time bomb, it’s only a matter of time before it attacks again.
It could live for another seven years, or more. Waiting for a natural outcome is madness.

T1Dmama · 18/02/2024 11:34

Daffodilsandtuplips · 16/02/2024 19:03

I know this has been resolved and op decided not to go but all of the tears shed by MIL & SIL over putting the dog down and how heartbroken they’d be are nothing compared to the devastation and heartbreak it would cause if it did kill someone. They need to be told this.
The dog is a ticking time bomb, it’s only a matter of time before it attacks again.
It could live for another seven years, or more. Waiting for a natural outcome is madness.

I’m just wondering how the party went and if anyone got bitten?
how’s it been for you since declining to go?… have in-laws been ok towards you?
I’ve just googled and staffys can live 14+ years!
I agree with the other poster who thinks you should anonymously report this dog to the authorities…. Before it kills one of them

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