Visiting in-laws who have a dangerous dog..wwyd

[Kerrieanne85]

Advice please/how would you word this???

Firstly I want to state I have a Fantastic relationship with in-laws, absolutely love my MIL and FIL.

They've invited us over to their house for FIL's birthday next weekend. They live about 2 hours away so we only see each other every couple of months.

We're looking forward to seeing them and our two DC aged 9 & 6 can't wait to see their grandparents.

Here's the thing, they are currently housing a "dangerous dog". The dog belonged to their daughter (my SIL)....she never trained the dog properly, is super hyper, doesn't take order from owners, the dog has bitten other cousins when they visited SIL, the dog attacked SIL's boyfriends leg so badly leading him to be on crutches for 7 weeks. Dog has also bitten FIL that he needed stitches at the hospital on a different occasion. Dog was advised to be put down but SIL couldn't bring herself to go through with it, so they tried to rehome him...no-one wants the dog with its history. MIL also loves the dog to bits and can't bring herself to have him put down. Now SIL has a 9 month old baby they have given the dog to MIL and FIL.

The dog is now taking medication 3 times a day to 'calm him down'. MIL says the dog has been fine with just the two of them in the house and she gives him medication.

Hubby doesn't like to see his parents with the dog there as we're all not comfortable with him. I told hubby to speak to his dad regarding possibly having the dog elsewhere when we visit with our young children. He doesn't want to cause an atmosphere as it's his step-mum and she's absolutely besotted with this dog and she can get quite defensive about the issue when it's been brought up in the past.

How would you ask her about the dogs whereabouts when we visit next week. She can have this 'it's my house, my way' attitude sometimes.

Before anyone says host them at our house. We always host them at our house when we see them mainly for this reason, this time they want us to go to their house

Thanks for the read

"We have been discussing the upcoming gathering at your place, and although we would love to be there, we have decided we cannot and will not take the risk with that dangerous job. I am sorry that we have to miss it, but we are not going to take that risk. We hope you can understand our position, but we are not choosing a dog over our children."

Who cares if she gets defensive about the dog , simply ask her if it will be there and if she says yes
then say “sorry we know you will understand that we don’t want to take the risk with our precious children and your precious grandchildren. So we will not be making the trip to your home “
thetes no way I’d even consider it
what if the dog bit your child

*dog, not job.

There is no way on earth I'd be taking my children to a house with a dangerous dog.

You would never forgive yourself if they were bitten or attacked.

It’s interesting that sil doesn’t feel it’s safe to have the dog in the house with the baby… .

i wouldn’t go either.

I wouldn't even think twice about speaking up and saying no, we're not coming when it comes to the safety of my child.

Absolutely no way would I be visiting a house with a dog with that history of attacks. My parents did something similar with my brothers dog which was aggressive and we stopped visiting for around 8 years.

I simply wouldn’t go.

Phone MIL. Ask her to get FIL to take the dog out for a 1 hour walk. Spend the 1 hour in the home with MIL and your dc.

when FIL returns with the dog, leave the dog at home for a couple of hours whilst your family and MIL and FIL go to a restaurant or something.

How would I phrase it? As clearly and directly as possible.

We're really looking forward to seeing you for FIL's birthday. I'm not comfortable having the dog near the children so think we should meet at x location rather than your house.

From what you say about MIL's attitude to the dog, you cannot go to their house. You can't trust her to manage the situation safely - and honestly, I wouldn't set foot or allow my children to set foot in a house containing a dog that had hospitalised someone even if it was locked away. Accidents happen, dogs escape - no way would I take the risk.

Could you stay in a premier inn and see your in laws outside their house without the dog? Or at their house but with the dog kept in another room?

I agree with this. Have they tried to address the dog’s issues, eg had a behaviourist work with the dog ? What breed is the dog ?

I wouldn't ask about the dogs whereabouts . With its reputation realistically I can't imagine it being anywhere other than their own house. Even if they agreed to shut it in a room someone could accidentally let it out. I would message suggesting meeting at a nearby restaurant that doesn't allow dogs.

It seems to me that in the majority of tragic cases where children were killed by dangerous dogs, it was in exactly this kind of scenario- visiting the house of a friend or relative who owned the dog.

I like dog's and we always had dogs growing up. Even now all my siblings have a dog expect for me as I am not always at home. I would always be very careful where kids are concerned with a dog. Even a nice dog in say a child free home with older owners might react when a child comes into their space.
In this case I would not be going into that house as an adult let alone bring your children their.
I would tell you fil and mil that you meet them for a meal out in a nearby by nice restaurant or pub but that your not going to their house because of the dog.
Tell them that with the dogs history of bitting people it not safe for you or the kids.
Yes, they may not like this but I would not put yourself or your kids in danger to suit them.

Yep

Exactly. SIL isn't risking her baby is she? Honestly it needs to be put down. And MIL is liable financially if or when the dog attacks someone again for the how many time!

I wouldn't visit at all. I would also struggle to love to bits people stupid enough to keep a proven dangerous dog around, who were also MASSIVELY selfish trying to rehome that beast to other unsuspecting people, when the only right action for that dog is to put him to sleep before it maims yet another person.

Honestly, people who pass on dangerous dogs to other families should be punished by law as much as the owner is when the dog goes and attack other people.

And yes, you are not better than them by even considering taking your children there while the dog is in the house.

Love the dogs to bits… idiots!

I wouldn't go. The risk is too great.

I would offer to bring a stair gate ( do you have one from when yours were younger ) and ask for the dog to stay in one room with the stair gate preventing his exit.
I would tell the kids don’t go near the door.

Your role is to protect your children. Not protect your MIL's feelings. Of course you don't take your children into that environment.

No way I’d go.

I wouldn’t go. Surely it would be negligent as a parent to take your child with the dogs background.

The problem is their refusal to compromise despite the dog being dangerous.

My dog is ‘dangerous’ - dangerous in that she randomly bit someone and went for someone else. So as a responsible dog owner, I took her to vet to make sure there were no medical causes. Then I asked the vet to refer the dog to a behaviour therapist (covered by my insurance). We have done three sessions and I’ve put in months of work with the dog to keep her calm on walks and a home. She is on a short lead with a muzzle now.
At home I have a set up so that I can put her behind a stair gate so there’s no risk to people coming in. Sometimes once she’s built up trust with them (which involves throwing her food) I can let her past the stair gate but that’s over time. I won’t put anyone at risk now I know that she has potential to bite.
Bottom line is, it doesn’t matter how you phrase it..they won’t do what needs to be done to secure the dog. You could phrase like ‘We won’t come to your home unless the dog is secured or not there’. But I bet they won’t!

‘So sorry MIL, we won’t be able to visit Sunday, the dog is giving me sleepless nights what with it having attacked so many people. Please do come to ours though’