Visiting in-laws who have a dangerous dog..wwyd

[Kerrieanne85]

Advice please/how would you word this???

Firstly I want to state I have a Fantastic relationship with in-laws, absolutely love my MIL and FIL.

They've invited us over to their house for FIL's birthday next weekend. They live about 2 hours away so we only see each other every couple of months.

We're looking forward to seeing them and our two DC aged 9 & 6 can't wait to see their grandparents.

Here's the thing, they are currently housing a "dangerous dog". The dog belonged to their daughter (my SIL)....she never trained the dog properly, is super hyper, doesn't take order from owners, the dog has bitten other cousins when they visited SIL, the dog attacked SIL's boyfriends leg so badly leading him to be on crutches for 7 weeks. Dog has also bitten FIL that he needed stitches at the hospital on a different occasion. Dog was advised to be put down but SIL couldn't bring herself to go through with it, so they tried to rehome him...no-one wants the dog with its history. MIL also loves the dog to bits and can't bring herself to have him put down. Now SIL has a 9 month old baby they have given the dog to MIL and FIL.

The dog is now taking medication 3 times a day to 'calm him down'. MIL says the dog has been fine with just the two of them in the house and she gives him medication.

Hubby doesn't like to see his parents with the dog there as we're all not comfortable with him. I told hubby to speak to his dad regarding possibly having the dog elsewhere when we visit with our young children. He doesn't want to cause an atmosphere as it's his step-mum and she's absolutely besotted with this dog and she can get quite defensive about the issue when it's been brought up in the past.

How would you ask her about the dogs whereabouts when we visit next week. She can have this 'it's my house, my way' attitude sometimes.

Before anyone says host them at our house. We always host them at our house when we see them mainly for this reason, this time they want us to go to their house

Thanks for the read

I wouldn't go if the dog was in the house.

My ds was bitten on the hand by a puppy, which still bit him through to the bone, and left him with such a bad infection, he had to take broad spectrum antibiotics for an extended period.

You will be taking your children, who the dog does not know, into HIS territory. You would be knowingly putting them in danger.

You shouldn’t even consider visiting their house with your children if they have an aggressive dog staying there. And they shouldn’t even have that dog, it should have been put down after its first, very serious, aggressive incident. Sad for the dog (I’m a dog owner) but there is no excuse or reasoning such as ‘medication’. It’s a disaster waiting to happen.

I wouldn’t risk my kids getting bitten/attacked by a dangerous dog just so I didn’t upset anyone

Either stay elsewhere and meet them outside the house or just don't go, tbh. I have a shepherd who really is the BFG but if she had wracked up even one of those incidents above... I'm sorry but she'd be asleep now. Totally unfair to everyone and the dog.

Can't believe SIL just offloaded the problem instead of dealing with it. Twat.

Any pushback from SMIL re not mixing around the dog I'd say fine but anything happens to kids or us and I'll insist on charges and having the dog destroyed. Fuck around & find out.

I am a dog lover, I have had dogs all my life. I wouldn’t step foot in their house with my children (or even visit on my own) while that dog is there. If it’s bitten someone so badly they were in crutches for 7 weeks it should have been put down.

Does the dog have a crate/cage it can be put in or a locked room? I'm guessing it's not a small dog if it caused that much damage. Has no one looked into why it bites? It's not lack of basic training that causes dogs to be that agressive.

If you want to go you have to just be direct but kind 'looking forward to next weekend! What is the plan with the dog & the kids?'

Tbh, if that question takes them by surprise I'd be horrified. Kids take priority & I say that as someone with a dog that couldn't be rehomed & has to be put away when we have visitors - and he's never bitten anyone in this house!

I would only go if the dog was locked away.

can it stay at home alone?

if so all of you meeting at a local child friendly cafe or whatever might be a better option. Then no danger of dog ‘accidentally’ getting out of the room.

what madness is it to keep a dog who bit to the extent stitches were required. Madness. Clear the dog is dangerous. A bite in the wrong place on your hand or wrist could sever a tendon and you could lose the use of it. These things DO happen. Sod that.

Please, don't pussyfoot around.
Just say you are not going if the dog is anywhere in the house or garden - and preferably not even the same planet town.

Don't go???

Request that they crate the dog in a room which you and kids dont use.

I wouldn't go. Realistically they are going to have to have this dog put to sleep at some point. It's going to injure someone else sooner or later, isn't it? Would you want it to be one of your children that it attacked?

You have a responsibility to keep your DC safe so you can't go. I have a similar situation and you just have to be honest. I'm sorry, I can't bring DC into that environment, it's not safe.

I simply wouldn't go.

Too much of a risk.

That would be a big fat no from me, multiplied 10 times if my children were involved.

Don't go

You don't need an excuse, nor do you need to wait for your 'hubby' to speak up. Just ring them and say you aren't bringing the children into a house where there is a dog that bites. Full stop. They can meet you somewhere else or visit you without the dog. Full stop.

I wouldn't take mine even if they promised that the dog will be shut in another room. It's a disaster waiting to happen, and everyone will be on tenterhooks about it anyway so the visit is doomed before it even starts.

Either the dog goes in kennels/ locked away and muzzled or don't visit. I've two dogs and one way would I have my dc around that one. **

I wouldn’t say you have a “great relationship” with someone you can’t easily have a basic & honest conversation with about concerns

Fuck THAT! Absolutely no way would I put my children in harms way so as not to offend them.

What breed are we talking about here?
Not that it matters really, a biter is a biter imo and has no place around kids or anyone else.

You have a duty to protect your children, and therefore not bring them to a place with a dangerous dog.

I was bitten at the age of 2 by a dog.

I would only consider a visit if the dog was not going to be in the house at all. Being in a different room wouldn't be satisfactory for me.

Another dog thread? Is it Friday night already?

Also as much as you say you love your in-laws, my feelings towards them would cool VERY quickly as they're clearly demonstrating how utterly irresponsible they are.

Your MIL sounds particularly difficult.

What will it take to make her see sense? She will probably have to get mauled herself for the blinkers to come off

Thank you for your replies. Believe it or not, this dog issue has been the topic of many many discussions when we have met up with them. They are fully aware dog needs to be put down. I actually thought he had been put down already until recently when they were at our house and they had to leave early to go back home to feed the dog. Hubby and I were both shocked it's still around as this has been going on for over a year now.

I wanted advice on how to word it to her again. Although they are his dad and step mum: hubby doesn't really communicate with them much. All get together same communication is done via me and MIL

Would your dh rather let your children be mauled or upset his step mother? Which one is worse to him?