He said yes then asked for more time

[excuseme678]

After several years I decided to take the bull by the horns and I asked my partner what he thought of us booking a registry office for a year's time from now. We don't have the money for a big wedding and I'm honestly happy with a registry office.
Age isn't on my side unfortunately.
He said 'yes that could be good'. I asked him several times, are you sure? I don't want to pressure you, are you certain?' He said yes.
I was crying tears of joy, I asked him if I should tell my family and his etc. And he said yes.
We were hugging and I was so happy, I didn't know if this day would ever come.
I said to him one last time, as long as you're certain you're ready, you can have time to think about it if you want.
He said 'actually, can I have time to think about it?'
I said yes that's fine, and asked him to tell me next week.
I'm actually not sure how to feel now, he already knew I wanted to get married and I'm scared he said yes because it's what I wanted to hear. What do people think, I'm just really not sure what he'll say. I feel embarrassed tbh.

Age isn't on my side unfortunately.

how old are you?

there’s no age limit to getting married

Sorry I meant it isn't on my side for children, I'm mid 30s

He doesn't sound like he wants to marry you, sorry OP.

Why isn't time on your side? Because you want kids, or because you're 90 years old?

X post with OP.

You don't sound odd at all OP. Ignore that unnecessarily nasty comment.

Don't wast any more of your childbearing years on this wishy washy man. You deserve better.

I'm sorry op but it sounds like he is not too fussed about getting married. Do you live together?

Poor chap? I'm just not sure what I'm supposed to do? He's been vague about when it will happen so I decided to try and move things forward. I'm not sure what deadline in meant to give, why am I odd?

@Differencesclear go away. Why are you being horrible. 'poor chap' indeed.

Does he want to have children too? If so, you do need to get married for the legal protections it gives you and your offspring.
Not very romantic, I know but essential nonetheless.

Giving him a week makes no difference - the bottom line is that this man doesn't want to marry you.

We've lived together for 3 years. That's my mistake maybe, if there's ever another man I won't move in until we've got a date. Seems old fashioned maybe but then I'm protected .

OP, it doesn't sound like he wants to marry you, which is horrible if he knows you want to be married, especially if that's before having kids. There's no 'poor chap' in this, he's been wasting your time.

I don't really know why he'd need more time to think about it, he either wants to marry you or he doesn't and unless you've only been together for a short time, he should know that by now.

To be honest, this is an ultimatum and he's told you what you need to open your eyes and ears to truly hear. He doesn't feel the same and you should not be marrying or having children with him. Sorry. Leave him.

Have you had any conversation about getting married and/or having children before you suggested booking the registry office?

You’re mid-30s, want children, and are now wasting the last years of your fertility on a man who isn’t keen on marrying you.

Come on OP, the writing is on the wall here.

Maybe he's not sure why you kept asking if he was sure and he's now doubting?

I'm sorry, OP. This man doesn't want to get married.

This is sensible and you should always put yourself first.
I would not feel very happy about your current relationship, I would reevaluate in the New Year at least and drop the dead weight if he isn't interested in a similar future.
Unfortunately he has time you are not blessed with, don't let his ambivalence rob you of what you want.

OP, when he fobs you off in a weeks time (he’ll either say no or ‘maybe in a few years’ I imagine) be ready to say it’s a deal breaker for you. Be very clear that you want to be a parent and you want to be married, so it needs to be planned and take place very soon, and if that is truly not what he wants then you will have to move on.

Be very clear with him but mostly importantly yourself. Don’t waste any more time.

He won't want to marry you in a week. What kind of response is that could be good? Save yourself the grief later and find someone who wants what you want.

He's comfortable with the way things are. Doesn't mean he doesn't love you just means he's not fussed about making it legal. There are lots of men that are like this in my experience. He's needs are met, he's comfortable so why change things. I guess it's up to you op if you're happy with this situation.

I’m sorry OP. How rubbish. I admire you for taking the bull by the horns.

Looking back, I think I pushed my husband into agreeing to get married. I assumed he was just being laid back because he wasn’t too bothered. Actually, we weren’t right for each other and he probably saw that more clearly but in his words thought ‘it was worth a punt’.

Whilst I would never regret our children I wish to god I had found someone who wanted to be with me because the idea of not being with me was inconceivable.

However much it hurts right now you should hold out for someone who bloody loves you and needs no extra time to know that they want to wake up next to you every morning.

He isn’t committed, and he’ll string you along for an easy life until he meets someone he does want to marry and have children with.

Cut out the years of hanging on and bin him off.

Mumsnet is an odd place.

If @excuseme678 had posted, "I've been with my DP for X years and I was hoping he would have proposed by now especially since I am approaching my mid 30s and I want children, what should I do?" you can guarantee people would say, "Why do you need to wait for a man to propose? It's 2023. Use your words. Tell him you want to get married and book a registry office. It doesn't have to cost thousands, you can do it for £200."

Then someone posts saying she's tried to do exactly that and she's "weird" and "odd" and "putting him on the spot".

Of course you need to put him on the spot. You need to know whether he wants to invest in a long term future and have children with you while your ovaries still work.

YANBU.