He said yes then asked for more time

[excuseme678]

After several years I decided to take the bull by the horns and I asked my partner what he thought of us booking a registry office for a year's time from now. We don't have the money for a big wedding and I'm honestly happy with a registry office.
Age isn't on my side unfortunately.
He said 'yes that could be good'. I asked him several times, are you sure? I don't want to pressure you, are you certain?' He said yes.
I was crying tears of joy, I asked him if I should tell my family and his etc. And he said yes.
We were hugging and I was so happy, I didn't know if this day would ever come.
I said to him one last time, as long as you're certain you're ready, you can have time to think about it if you want.
He said 'actually, can I have time to think about it?'
I said yes that's fine, and asked him to tell me next week.
I'm actually not sure how to feel now, he already knew I wanted to get married and I'm scared he said yes because it's what I wanted to hear. What do people think, I'm just really not sure what he'll say. I feel embarrassed tbh.

If you want children then you need to put yourself first. I’d be clear one last time, say you want children in the near future, time isn’t on your side and you want to be married first. If he still wants to fob you off then stop wasting your time.

There’s one of these threads every few days, it’s so depressing.

Be cool about it and don't bring it up again.

Bloody hell! My Time Machine worked! I’m back in the 1950s!

Honestly? He does not want to marry you, sorry . If he wants children, again, I'm sorry - but he doesn't want them with you. He is stringing you along, because the current situation suits him. Someone to share the bills with, companionship, sex - and zero commitment. He could walk out tomorrow, couldn't he?

I'm being this harsh because I don't want you to hang on to this unfulfilling relationship through hope. You clearly want children, you feel you're running out of time (you're not). Do NOT consider getting pregnant to this man, it will not cement your relationship, it will just complicate the inevitable split. Best - for you - to take that bull by the horns again and make that split ASAP. As long as you are with him, you are prevented from finding someone who does want to marry, does want to have children with you.

Do not allow him to string you along, say the minimum to keep you on-board, and waste your fertile years on him. He is not committed to you, he is only committed to himself. Split, ASAP.

Yes and no.

I don't think there's any reason why a woman should not ask a man to marry her. It's 2023. We aren't helpless damsels in distress with no agency of our own who have to wait around for a man to decide he wants to marry us.

And some people genuinely do see marriage as non essential to a long and happy committed relationship and having children together, so if the subject hasn't yet come up then it's wise for the person who wants to get married to put it out there and say, "Hey, I would like to get married, what do you think about that?"

But on the whole, I do agree that a man who wants to get married will say so. He will most likely ask the question well before the woman feels the need to lay her cards on the table, and even if he doesn't because she raises the subject first, if he wants to marry her he will say yes without hesitating.

Men who want to get married don't need to be talked into it.

But if he is "not ready" by now, he won't ever be ready to marry the OP.

I sadly agree with all of the above comments. I'm a guy and have been in his exact situation (not something I'm proud of). It sounds like he likes being around you, but just isn't too bothered about marrying you. The "I'll think about it" line is just buying him time to avoid the awkwardness and pressure.
I've been in a fair few relationships, and I ducked the question when I was in that situation, but when it actually came to the right one, you couldn't hold me back from asking. I had the ring after a few months.

Don't get pregnant, whatever you do. He's still looking for the woman he wants to marry.

You're absolutely right to put him on the spot, but now that you know for sure he doesn't want to marry you, don't waste any more time or energy on him. Sunk costs fallacy and all that.

This is the worst advice ever.

You shouldn’t have kept harassing him about it. You should have trusted his answer when he said yes.

Whatever you do, don't get pregnant. Please. Don't.

No we're not back in the 1950. She asked 3 times. One more time and she is the one who does not want to get married. Who asks three times ? Then nag ?????? If my husband asked me three times I would have said no.

He didn’t say yes though, did he?

His response was a rather non committal ‘that could be good’.

Thats definitely not the response I’d be looking for if I’d just proposed.

I think she only asked three times because she could see that he wasn't as enthusiastic as her. She knew he wasn't keen.

Be cool about it and don't bring it up again. But look on high heavens and be prepared for anything.

Are 'high heavens and 'be prepared for anything' dating sites?

Presumably you said an enthusiastic yes the first time though.

He says he misses you. When. When are you away so long that he misses you?

What’s this sexist assumption that a man will ask before a woman even thinks about it? Are us females too fucking slow and braindead for the quick witted clever men or something? And it’s rather at odds with the (also sexist) idea that all women have been dreaming of their wedding since childhood.

What sort of conversations have you had over the three years that you've been together about marriage, kids, what kind of life you want?

If he wanted to marry you, he would reassure you no matter how many times you asked for reassurance. If he wanted to marry you, you would know!

Cut your losses and find someone who wants the same things you do. It shouldn't be this hard, there shouldn't be any guessing.

He's got 7 days to come up with a ring or take the door. It ain't a circus.

If time isn’t on your side and you just want a registry office wedding then why even book it for a years time?

Is he taking time to think whether he wants to get married or not? Or whether he wants that to be how/when you get married? I’d ask him exactly what it is he’s taking time to think about.

Yes he did. He said “YES that could be good”. And yes several times after.

I wouldn’t want to marry someone who didn’t trust me and kept harassing me either

He asked for the 7 days and she agreed. She has to keep her word. They are not even married. Trust the guy. Or leave him be.

Yes that could be good is not an enthusiastic answer to such an important question. As op said, more what you’d expect to hear when suggesting getting a curry later.

I’d be questioning if they really meant it too.

Sorry if someone else has said this, I’m only on page 2…..is there any chance he’s been planning a proposal, maybe at Christmas and so now isn’t sure how to play it?

Years ago one of my friends had been with a guy for several years and was desperate to get married and have children but he kept saying he wasn’t ready .
When she hit 32 and he was 34 she tried giving him an ultimatum. He then agreed to get engaged the following year . It didn’t happen . At age 35 he still wasn’t ready so she walked away absolutely broken hearted .
Within 18months he was married to someone else ( younger) and expecting a baby . My friend never did get married or have children .

He doesn't want to marry you - time to move on and stop wasting your fertile years.