To hate my partners dog?

[Completelywornout]

Ok so I’m expecting some hate with this 1.
But I just don’t like her. I look at her and don’t feel any love towards her. Maybe I’m a bit jealous, but who knows.
I’ve told him repeatedly I don’t want her on our bed, yet she’s always on it. She sleeps under his covers and it actually makes me feel a bit sick. He says what’s the problem she’s on my side… and I see his point but that doesn’t make me feel any different about it.
When we’re in the room she’s on his side- but whenever we go out the room she will get on my side. Pull the covers back and sleep on my sheets 🤢 forever telling her off. I’ve started putting empty bottles all along my side of the bed while I’m not in the room but recently she’s started pushing them over and just getting under the covers. She always gets on my side, even tho dps side is closer to her bed!
A few weeks ago I went into the room and she’d peed on my side of the bed! Straight through to the mattress. I was furious.
If it were up to me she wouldn’t be in our room full stop, but unfortunately we have to keep her and our other dog separate at all times and we’re scared 1 of the kids will accidentally let them get together so keeping her in another room isn’t an option.
Im at a loss on how I’m meant to keep her off my bed and it’s driving me crazy. Dp doesn’t care because obviously he allows her to do it. She’s almost 6 so have a few more years to put up with this and I feel like it’s just going to get worse.

I can't see a solution OP, other than getting your XL euthanised.

Sleeping in dog piss is the least of your worries at the moment.

Op you have already received the kicking so I won't go on but I haven't seen anyone really talk about the breeds and needs.

You and your partner have made a mistake and now it's time to work very hard and make some adult sensible decisions. We all make mistakes but it's unfortunate yours involves living beings.

I own a big dog with young dc and I have owned other big dogs all my life so I'm not a dog hater or against dogs with dc but your situation isn't ok or right for anyone.

For some reason you picked dogs unsuitable for your lifestyle.

Boxers are notorious for being difficult to train, boisterous, over exuberant and lacking in the ability to learn manners and social skills. They are known to be one of the hardest dogs to own. Mix that with a mastiff and you have one hell of a dog. This dog is a breed that needs an enormous amount of exercise, attention and stimulation. Without that the excitable energy will turn into frustration and anxiety then aggression.

Add in you have an X-L. A dog that needs a firm hand and perfect balanced living conditions or it's inevitably going to revert back to its instincts and will become aggressive. 99% of XLs are badly bred and come from a line of aggressive dogs who's owners are feckless idiots. You cannot trust these dogs who have been bred for looks and not temperament.

Then you have two little pugs who are fighting. The only reason you can keep them together is size.

Then add in that these are all un neutered bitches who are known to be difficult together even in the best circumstances and you have a ticking time bomb.

It's not because the elder dog passed that they began fighting it's because the are all stacked to high heaven living in a pressure cooker of anxiety and non are having their needs met. Also when the other dog died your xl was just reaching maturity and in adolescence which adds fuel to the fire.

I can't believe for a minute that these large powerful dogs are being exercised or stimulated enough. There can't possibly be time when you have to walk them separately, you potentially have jobs, kids to ferry about and they can't be off lead. There is no way these dogs are getting what they need. They are also locked up knowing that in their home is another dog who is after a fight. They must be going stir crazy. One can't even go to the toilet when it needs to.

You need to sit down with your partner and talk to him about the above. Make it clear that non of these dogs are happy or having there needs met and it is unfair on your dc. If he's a decent person he will agree that you need to sort this out asap. There is a difference between dog owners and dog lovers and dog lovers would not allow their pets to live like this. Often a measure of a good person is how they see and treat those who are more vulnerable including animals.

I'd have the xl pts if it was me. Then I'd look at training the other 3 firmly. No dogs on furniture. All walked at least twice a day, including renting a secure field occasionally so they can be left off to run. Daily brain games for all. No toys or treats left out without supervision. Safety gates separating them when you are not there. Lots of time in the garden.

Solution is to surrounded XL to rehoming charity with full disclosure or PTS. Crate the dog at night, tbh it sounds like she is craving a safe space and a crate would provide this. Make it a nice place and big enough, and maybe a cover would help her feel secure. Tunnelling in the bed a peeing is a sign she is insecure and nervous in her own home so give her somewhere that is hers.

Why do you have an Xl bully if you have a child? (or at all?).

Couldn't agree more ith this.

You say you'd never have a dog near your kids of the thought ever entered your head she would attack, but she's attacking another dog badly enough to require surgery? What if one of your kids gets bitten in the heat of the moment?

5 dogs in one house? You're bloody delusional.

There is no clear link between dog to dog aggression and dog to child aggression. Nothing.

Bitches in particular can and do fall out particularly with similar age, similar build bitches, often around adolescence and once they do, chances of them being trustworthy together ever again is extremely low.

That said...

There IS a link between high stress multidog households where there is already huge tension between the dogs, figthing already going on, and kids getting hurt. Dogs in the heat of the moment make mistakes, they redirect and grab the nearest thing they can, they bite thinking its the other dog and its not... and they're likely to bite harder/faster/hang on more, inflicting much more severe bites.

So there would be an issue here, even if no dogs had yet fought, just in the tense atmosphere, snarking, guarding, warning and having to to be separated.

It is super tempting to believe your dog 'would never' but they are a dog - at the start of covid I had to have three stitches in my thigh because my dog sank his fangs into me, rather than the dog he was aiming at (because I put my knee in the way).

Now that was an isolated incident, it was my error, but it was also because of a change in routine, higher tensions, change in dynamic (one of our dogs had suddenly aged very quickly and had demanding needs plus all the covid stuff), but even so, that was a check mark against that line up of dogs living together harmoniously (not specifically him, all of them).

If there had been children in the house, it would have been an even bigger red flag but there are not nor are there ever. 'Fortunately' the old girl passed (not fortunately of course we were devasted) and the tensions in the home plummeted to nothing, but there is a huge huge difference between two adults waiting a few months, taking sensible management steps, for the inevitable to happen... to two adults subjecting four dogs and two children to extreme and impractical management that will fail, because it is expected to go on for the next 10+ YEARS. And none of our dogs at the time was big enough to be a fatatility risk to a human of course!

Op you've had lots of advice but I just wanted to chime in and say that although boxers are known for being boisterous , hilarious and very high energy (and yes, hard to train but by no means impossible!), they're also extremely sensitive dogs.

Your boxer x has been attacked multiple times by the xl bully - of course she is going to be feeling insecure, wanting to be close and nervous enough to be peeing on the bed.

I'm a huge dog lover, I currently have 3 boxers and a lot more experience with the breed - this problem will not go away or resolve itself unless you do something.

One of the bigger dogs needs to be surrendered to an appropriate rescue, or more sensibly the xl bully should be pts because safety must come first. It's not fair to be keeping a terrified dog in your bedroom and it's not fair on any of the children loving in your home either.

What a crazy situation.. whats with the men moving in with women,in your case he brings a dog along as well. That was first mistake. Second mistake was buying into a violent dog breed when you have children in the house.

Any dog that draws blood needs to be put down,once they have taste for it its not going away-other dog now next it will be one of the kids. That dog can easily kill 11/15 year old child even an adult if he should bite into a large artery. Regardless of what your lodger says why would you want to have him in the house with your kids?

A person will never have another love them as much as their dog does. You only have to see them tied up outside a shop where all they do is look for their owner, and as soon as they see their owner again they're so happy. I think you should leave him to find a woman who loves his dog as much as he does.

I dislike dh’s dog. I don’t like dogs anyway but this one smells bad, scavenges food all the time and poos in the kitchen, plus there’s the dog hair. If dh wanted it in the bedroom I’d divorce him. You need address this now and put your foot down. You could have another 7 years of this crap

Oh come on can we stop talking total bollocks?

Dogs taste blood all the time, all those ratting dogs, working lurchers, hounds - how often did they kill anyone?

I've lived with raw fed dogs for over 25 years, I have been bitten by 1 of my own dogs, once, in a high-stress accident (I stuck a body part in to split up a scrap). He'd never bitten a human before, nor ever did since but he dispatched a lot of rats for us.

There is zero science backing up your statement that 'once they've tasted blood.... ' but feel free to look for it.

People will never see sense if they're being fed old-wives tales and bullshit!

I am not talking blood as in blood in the food they are eating. I am saying dogs who have bitten another person/animal in the househild and blood has been drawn they will do it again-hence why OPs other dog has had a few operations.

I grew up on a farm and if a dog attacked another animal/person its over for them.

This can't be real. And if it is, you sound like the worst kind of person, completely underclass

If someone didn't like my dog, I would not be with them

It still isn't true though!

You're saying dogs know and get a taste for the blood of a victim but can differentiate this from the blood of a food item?

They can get a keen desire to hunt rats, and obviously not a keen desire to hunt people... but yet if they fall out with another dog and bite them, that automatically equates to them having kids on the menu next?

I don't think you understand how dogs learn, think or react at all.

Yes if you have two dogs in a confined space who do not like each other, and you do nothing to address this situation, it is of course likely to happen again, between those two dogs.

Take one dog out however, and both those dogs could happily live with other dogs and people the rest of their lives.

I spent a lot of time around farm dogs too - I remember one lovely old collie who did not like walkers passing by - she eventually bit two, they 'had' to shoot her.

Or you know, they could have shifted her kennel over a bit and chained her the other side so she did not see and could not reach walkers. Her behaviour was entirely about being chained where 'stranger danger' could approach and she had no option to run away (which is exactly what she did do when loose and they did not want her to they wanted her to bark!)...

The tolerance of most dogs in the face abject stupidity of humans never ceases to amaze me.

This is utterly batshit. Yes a pet may 'love' you, fulfil some needs for companionship etc but it is not and can never be the same as a human, mutually reinforcing relationship. Would a dog be able to advocate for you in a health crisis? Or gossip with you about work? Human relationships come first, always. As it happens the OP's scenario is a shitshow on multiple levels, so I have no view in whether they should split up - but if they do it's because they clearly make very bad decisions jointly and are incapable of running a safe and relaxing home. Not because the OP doesn't love his dog enough.

Dogs pissing in the bed and XL bullies. Keeping it classy.

And quite possibly also the children in a house with two chav-beast dogs, one attacking the other.

OP however much you bleat on about how you're such a responsible owner, your words tell a completely different story. Sooner these horrible, vicious animals are banned the better.

Sheselectric22, what a brilliant sensible post! Why in Gods name does someone have all these unspayed bitches!!

OP, I think you need to be honest about whether you are properly meeting all of the dog's needs (mental and physical). I have 3 dogs, 2 of whom are chihuahuas who, push comes to shove, could have their physical exercise needs met in the garden if I really needed them to, and I sometimes struggle. I cannot imagine adding in another high-needs dog who needs separate time and attention from the first one. That has got to be a full-time job.

The two bigger dogs need around 1.5 hours of decent physical exercise per day. The boxer cross is a smart dog who needs probably 30 minutes a day of mental stimulation. I'm not 100% on what makes up XL Bully mixes but I'd guess if they have mastiff in them they also need around 30 minutes of mental stimulation a day. You've already reached four hours a day just on the two bigger dogs and you also have 2 pugs?

I only manage because mine don't need to be separated. They take their morning walk together and playtime in the garden (playing games to meet their mental needs) can also be done together. They're only separated in the evening when the bigger dog has his off-lead run (even then one of the Chi's sometimes wants to come with us).

You need to address your personal issues with some kind of professional.

You don't feel love towards the dog, what about the other dog you own?
Seems a huge bout of jealousy there to me especially if she is on your husbands side at sleeping time.

What effort have you made with the dog?
You say she doesn't listening to you like she does your partner, have you tried actively training her yourself and establishing yourself as the alpha in her life?

Why not just get a huge blanket to cover the bed so when she's on it she isn't on your bedding.

Dogs live a hell of a lot longer than 6 years so you have way more than 'a few more' years, you are going to have to address your issues.

I’d love to know op, what the XL breed was offering by way of characteristics that NO OTHER regular and non aggressive breed wasn’t?

im afraid I agree with the majority, she needs PTS. She won’t know anything about it, but she- and the rest of you, will have peace.

I suspect OP is not coming back to update us on this thread

Jesus christ put to sleep, wow. Awful attitude.

Maybe give the dog to someone who will train it and give it time ut deserves.
People get dogs thinking they're easy but they require as much work as kids, the pts attitude is fucking shitty it's an animal and a pet, someone will and can love and train it. You should need a license for pets and kids because people fucking suck.