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Original poster

To hate my partners dog?

207 replies

Completelywornout · 08/11/2023 18:27

Ok so I’m expecting some hate with this 1.
But I just don’t like her. I look at her and don’t feel any love towards her. Maybe I’m a bit jealous, but who knows.
I’ve told him repeatedly I don’t want her on our bed, yet she’s always on it. She sleeps under his covers and it actually makes me feel a bit sick. He says what’s the problem she’s on my side… and I see his point but that doesn’t make me feel any different about it.
When we’re in the room she’s on his side- but whenever we go out the room she will get on my side. Pull the covers back and sleep on my sheets 🤢 forever telling her off. I’ve started putting empty bottles all along my side of the bed while I’m not in the room but recently she’s started pushing them over and just getting under the covers. She always gets on my side, even tho dps side is closer to her bed!
A few weeks ago I went into the room and she’d peed on my side of the bed! Straight through to the mattress. I was furious.
If it were up to me she wouldn’t be in our room full stop, but unfortunately we have to keep her and our other dog separate at all times and we’re scared 1 of the kids will accidentally let them get together so keeping her in another room isn’t an option.
Im at a loss on how I’m meant to keep her off my bed and it’s driving me crazy. Dp doesn’t care because obviously he allows her to do it. She’s almost 6 so have a few more years to put up with this and I feel like it’s just going to get worse.

OP posts:
Mookie81 · 08/11/2023 22:15

And they say there's no underclass...

needtonamechangeforthis1 · 08/11/2023 22:21

@Completelywornout please find a decent behaviourist with proper qualifications.

No behaviourist who uses words like dominance is worth listening to. It's bollocks and was discredited 20 odd years ago.
Same with anyone telling you to keep them off the furniture. Dogs don't get on the furniture to be dominant they get on there because they like being high up because it's safe.

Please find a force free behaviourist to help you and please muzzle train and neuter your xl bully asap.

Missingmyusername · 08/11/2023 22:22

How are you both spending so much time in bed/upstairs, what about the other dog and the children.

“putting empty bottles all along my side of the bed” and what’s this about?! How on earth do they balance on the bed when there’s a dog and your partner in there…

I think I’d probably sleep in another bedroom and be done with it! I’d even rather the sofa.

MrsCarson · 08/11/2023 22:22

You're more patient than me OP.
The minute that dog peed on my bed, it would be out of the bedroom full stop.
If your partner didn't like it, it can go too.
It's disgusting, a bed of dog hair and dog pee, and you both sleep on it.

Original poster
Completelywornout · 08/11/2023 22:23

I think from my original title I may have said the wrong word. I’m not backtracking but I regret using the word hate. That’s such a strong word for a dog I have attachment to and care for. I had just walked in my room and there she was, curled up on my sheet. She looked up at me, wagged her tail and I said “get down” which she did. I said “stop getting on my bed” which she obviously doesn’t understand but I was just frustrated at the time.

we have successfully kept them apart for months. The last fight occurred when we were on holiday. My son was looking after them. We had asked dps sister to look after 1 of the dogs so there was no chance for them to get together but she said no. So we had no other option than to keep them housed together. I went over the rules many times with my son, 1 dog out for toilet, bring back in and lock in dining room, other dog down and out. Close the back door as she can open the dining room door… 1 morning he got up and must have got distracted because he let the upstairs dog out but the back door wasn’t fully closed so she pushed it open and then opened the dining room door. That’s when the fighting started. He’s never had to break up a dog fight before so it took him a while in which time they both had serious injuries. I’m just thankful he wasn’t hurt in the process. The dogs are both fine now, although the xl is still on antibiotics.
We originally had 5 dogs, 1 was mine before my partner moved in, 2 were his before he moved in, 1 we took in off a family member, and 1 we bought. There was absolutely no issues, until the older dog passed away. My other 2 dogs (pugs) fight all the time. They are awful for it. I’m currently (and have been for months) trying to rehome 1 of them. And I don’t know if that’s where the xl and other dog have come to fighting, or wether it’s the leader of the pack has gone and they’re fighting for top dog.
There’s often no reason for them to fight, it just comes out of nowhere and that’s why we keep them apart at all times. I have tried unsuccessfully to rehome the xl and there’s no way my DP would rehome the other dog. It’s just not working. We don’t just lock the other dog up, we lock the bully up as well. She’s locked in the kitchen/dining room. And they come out separately to sit with us in the living room. I just wanna live in a normal house with our dogs being free to go wherever they want (apart from under my quilt)

OP posts:
needtonamechangeforthis1 · 08/11/2023 22:25

WiddlinDiddlin · 08/11/2023 20:58

From a professional of over 25 years....

Your 'behaviouralist' is not remotely educated or qualified - dominance is NOT, nor ever will be, the cause of a behaviour problem

Nor will being allowed on the bed.

Peeing in places that smell strongly of you scream an insecure dog living in a high stress situation.

All your descriptions of how you're managing these dogs also screams of a high stress situation and because your actual, factual dog behaviour knowledge is limited at best, you are at risk of making one mistake too far, and soon.

Do not call a trainer. They train dogs.

Do not call anyone who mentions dominance, alpha etc etc.

Certainly do not call Graham bloody Hall, chances of him dealing with an XL bully are low anyway but if he did he'd want around a grand off you and is incapable of solving the problem.

https://www.ccab.uk/practising-ccabs Check out here. This is who you need.

Don't expect to call and instantly get help though, you'll need to give them a full and detailed history and set up an appointment. You would both be expected to be there, whether its remote or in your home.

This 100%

ManateeFair · 08/11/2023 22:28

So, your DP had a dog already, and you knew that, when you moved in together. You then got another dog - a dog of a type known for being a) inbred and unpredictable and b) commonly aggressive towards other dogs. Unsurprisingly, this second dog is terrorising your DP's original dog, and it's THE FIRST DOG - who is clearly miserable and scared in her own home and desperate for security - that you 'hate'?

Fucking hell. The pair of you are absolutely appalling dog owners. Rehome both dogs for their own sakes.

By the way, you can't keep chocolate in a bedroom if the dog can get to it. Chocolate is toxic to dogs. It can make them really, really ill and cause them a lot of suffering, or even kill them. You are so, so irresponsible.

Missingmyusername · 08/11/2023 22:28

4 dogs and you bought another, despite having two that already fought… I can’t imagine how that came about. 🤔

Wanttobeok · 08/11/2023 22:30

Also there are probably hundreds of thousands of xl bullys in the uk and there have been 12 people killed in 3 years so they do not have a tendency to kill

Well that's bullshit! There are far more golden retrievers in the UK, and they have killed...oh yeah...ZERO people in 3 years.
Those dogs absolutely do have a tenancy to kill.

Unless I am misunderstanding this, you had dog A, all was fine.

You got dog B (XL Bully) and all was fine for a bit until XL bully started attacking dog A which required operations, and then dog A started getting clingy, sleeping on the bed and urinating in unusual places.

Unless you are a complete idiot you should be able to join the dots here.

DOG A IS TRAUMATISED hence the urinating and wanting to be on the bed

Get the XL pts because at this point it's the kindest thing to do (dog ruined by negligent breeding and clueless owners and will have a shitty life when the ban comes in)

SilentBob · 08/11/2023 22:30

This.Can.Not.Be.Real.

Ballsbaill · 08/11/2023 22:30

So many of these threads lately. One hates the others pet and the pet is attacking the other pet.

Cabella · 08/11/2023 22:31

Do you have kitchen chairs or stools? Try putting them upside down on the bed, it works in my DS's house where I put them on the sofa.
Ugh ! The thought of dogs going outside, to do what they have to do, then going back into a house and bringing all the pathogens with them, they step in their own, or other dog's poo, then jump on the furniture.

Opulent · 08/11/2023 22:32

So gross!

SugaredCookie · 08/11/2023 22:35

Missingmyusername · 08/11/2023 22:22

How are you both spending so much time in bed/upstairs, what about the other dog and the children.

“putting empty bottles all along my side of the bed” and what’s this about?! How on earth do they balance on the bed when there’s a dog and your partner in there…

I think I’d probably sleep in another bedroom and be done with it! I’d even rather the sofa.

How are you both spending so much time in bed/upstairs, what about the other dog and the children.

Thats what I thought. And doesn’t anyone in this scenario go to work?

This is getting less and less believeable.

Freshstarts23 · 08/11/2023 22:38

muchalover · 08/11/2023 20:57

I know others disagree but personally I think it absolutely disgusting that people allow their dog to sleep in their bedroom let alone on their bed but IN the bed makes me urge. I also don't allow mine on furniture.

My dogs aren't permitted upstairs unless they are having a bath and sleep on actual dog beds. The youngest still sleeps in her crate all night - she's small and it's a large crate.

You are sleeping in a dogs bed. You have intimacy in the dogs bed. Your partner rates your needs lower than the dog's.

No dog is too old to learn new ways of living. It may take longer but dogs are clever.

I kind of wish mine didn’t sleep in my bed but wouldn’t know how to stop it and still get some sleep. She slept in a crate in another room when younger but woke so so early and it became increasingly difficult for her to settle in there at bed time so I wasn’t getting enough sleep. Now she’s in with me she’ll sleep in til 10am if I want.
She’s small and doesn’t shed but sometimes does smell a bit as dogs do! If I locked her out of my room she would bark and cry a lot. But if she’s in my room trying to keep her off the bed would be impossible.

Original poster
Completelywornout · 08/11/2023 22:40

Missingmyusername · 08/11/2023 22:22

How are you both spending so much time in bed/upstairs, what about the other dog and the children.

“putting empty bottles all along my side of the bed” and what’s this about?! How on earth do they balance on the bed when there’s a dog and your partner in there…

I think I’d probably sleep in another bedroom and be done with it! I’d even rather the sofa.

We don’t, like I said if 1 of us is upstairs the other is downstairs. I put the bottles lying down across my bed in various places, mostly near the top by my pillow and where she gets under the quilt

OP posts:
margotrose · 08/11/2023 22:41

You should leave and take your aggressive XL Bully with you.

I'm sure your partner's traumatised dog will be much happier without the both of you bullying her.

MrsElsa · 08/11/2023 22:41

Left a 15 year old home alone in charge of 2 dogs including an aggressive xl bully??? Resulting in serious injuries to both dogs???

What on earth. I feel sick thinking of an 11 and 15 year old growing up with dogs fighting and pissing on beds while mum and dad do naff all.

Opulent · 08/11/2023 22:44

I don’t believe you really left your kids in charge of the dogs.

I don’t believe you are so fine with your partner having the dog in bed but when it comes to your side, you feel sick. How big a bed is it for the ‘side’ to make such a difference?

If true, this sounds like a stinking dangerous home where the XL bully dog rules and the kids and hygiene are an afterthought.

Newnametoavoidtrouble · 08/11/2023 22:45

That really is an awful situation to be in. Being so restricted in your own home which is smelly with shed dog hair. How do you keep clothes clean and not smelling?
Poor kids having to live with this.

Original poster
Completelywornout · 08/11/2023 22:49

MrsElsa · 08/11/2023 22:41

Left a 15 year old home alone in charge of 2 dogs including an aggressive xl bully??? Resulting in serious injuries to both dogs???

What on earth. I feel sick thinking of an 11 and 15 year old growing up with dogs fighting and pissing on beds while mum and dad do naff all.

No I also have a 21 year old who doesn’t live with me. I’m not completely delusional to leave a 15 year old looking after dogs, plus herself, while I went on holiday

OP posts:
TroglodytesTroglodytes · 08/11/2023 22:49

As your xl bully has shown aggression, the sensible thing is to pts. It is not safe to be near other dogs and certainly not children. This is from the Dog Trusts website:

From 1 February 2024 it will be a criminal offence to own an XL Bully in England and Wales unless you have a Certificate of Exemption for your dog. Owners will have until 31 January 2024 to apply for this exemption.

Pinkpinkpink15 · 08/11/2023 22:51

LittleSnowBear · 08/11/2023 20:36

Thank you for that, I appear to have misread the post. There’s absolutely no need to be rude in your reply.

Show quote history

& I think your post about the OP on her thread was rude. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Original poster
Completelywornout · 08/11/2023 22:51

Newnametoavoidtrouble · 08/11/2023 22:45

That really is an awful situation to be in. Being so restricted in your own home which is smelly with shed dog hair. How do you keep clothes clean and not smelling?
Poor kids having to live with this.

It actually doesn’t smell and the kids don’t have to live in any sort of squalor. It’s a looked after, clean home where there just happens to be 4 dogs living. There’s not dog hairs everywhere, nor is there dog mess in the house, apart from the 1 incident of her peeing on my bed. Which was cleaned up promptly and properly

OP posts:
Quitelikeit · 08/11/2023 22:52

Gosh terrifying post. I can see you are a caring dog owner but by god your common sense has fallen out of the window. I’d never sleep with an animal that had the capacity to kill me and keeping the two dogs separate must be such a headache!!