To hate my partners dog?

[Completelywornout]

Ok so I’m expecting some hate with this 1.
But I just don’t like her. I look at her and don’t feel any love towards her. Maybe I’m a bit jealous, but who knows.
I’ve told him repeatedly I don’t want her on our bed, yet she’s always on it. She sleeps under his covers and it actually makes me feel a bit sick. He says what’s the problem she’s on my side… and I see his point but that doesn’t make me feel any different about it.
When we’re in the room she’s on his side- but whenever we go out the room she will get on my side. Pull the covers back and sleep on my sheets 🤢 forever telling her off. I’ve started putting empty bottles all along my side of the bed while I’m not in the room but recently she’s started pushing them over and just getting under the covers. She always gets on my side, even tho dps side is closer to her bed!
A few weeks ago I went into the room and she’d peed on my side of the bed! Straight through to the mattress. I was furious.
If it were up to me she wouldn’t be in our room full stop, but unfortunately we have to keep her and our other dog separate at all times and we’re scared 1 of the kids will accidentally let them get together so keeping her in another room isn’t an option.
Im at a loss on how I’m meant to keep her off my bed and it’s driving me crazy. Dp doesn’t care because obviously he allows her to do it. She’s almost 6 so have a few more years to put up with this and I feel like it’s just going to get worse.

Neither you nor your DP should have dogs by the sound of it, this situation is dangerous and completely unfair for every person and animal living there.
Completely and utterly dysfunctional.

I think deep down I know she needs to be pts but dp will not go for that. I already know what the conversation would go like if I brought it up.
We need to have a serious discussion about what we’re going to do moving forward because the living situation is really getting me down. I want my dogs to be able to roam freely, and that is what they’ve done for the previous 5 years before the fights started.
My sister suggested we house the xl in the back garden and sort out a shed for her to live in with heating etc but I would never do that to any animal.
It is genuinely a horrific situation that we’re in and the only way out I can see is having the xl pts 😩

Sounds like a crazy situation to be in. The XL shouldn’t be kept at all given the attacks.

I think you've got there, OP. Sadly, I agree your xl should be pts.

What breed is his dog?

for all the posters rubbing their thighs with glee at the xl bullies dog ban. It's a complete waste of time. There aren't any markers for xl bullies, they're not going to be able to prove a dig us an XL bulky.

secondly the application for exclusion will be easy to get.

there are far better methods of dealing with the current situation than banning a breed, that technically doesn't exist.

@Completelywornout

i think you need to tell DP, that you will not tolerate the dog on the bed at all. He can sleep with you or with the dog, but not both. You're pushing 💩 uphill trying to teach the dog what's acceptable bed behaviour & what's not. If you're BOTH consistent you can get it to stay off the bed totally.

tell him this is a deal breaker for you, & mean it

OR accept it sleeps IN your bed..

My much smaller dog used to sleep in my bed, but she was a little sweetheart (spaniel) & when then DO came along, he had the choice, sleep with me & my girl or don't sleep here 🤷🏻‍♀️. Fortunately he loved her too and she wasn't a huge stinky dog 😂

Is the dog you don't like a cockerpoo?? I know many of them that like to sleep under the covers cuddled up to sleep. It's a shame you don't love the dog in question and I have no doubt the dog can feel this.

There's a netflix series I think called dogs behaving badly, maybe you and DP could watch this for some hits and ideas on how you can change your own behaviour to create a happy environment for you all to live together with clear boundaries

12 people killed is "only" for you? Do you know how many people have been maimed? Scarred for life?

Anyways, it sounds like just the typical living conditions for Bully owners. I can picture it. Plus the gray trackies.

The question is not about how to keep the dog off the bed - the question is why have you chosen to live this way. And why have you chosen this lifestyle for your children.
The behaviouralist is needed for the humans here, not the dogs.

OP has chosen not to answer if the XL attacked the other dog or not. I wonder why.

@LittleSnowBear

Our other dog used to sleep in our room too but they began fighting and this dog that lives upstairs has had to have 2/3 operations in the last year because of it

what more do you want her to say??

Honestly OP I was going to reply your comment on my first post. But there is no point, your understanding of "respect" from your partner is so far from mine. I would have left long ago if I had somehow got myself into that situation.

You are being an apologist for a disrespectful man and a dangerous dog, and you are allowing your children to live like that.

Over and out.

You sum up all the arguments for why dog licences should be a thing.

Thank you for that, I appear to have misread the post. There’s absolutely no need to be rude in your reply.

Your partner's dog is petrified of an XL that has hurt her before.
The XL will NEVER leave her alone now. This dog or you, or a child will end up hurt. Badly.
The dogs cannot live in the same house... ever.

unpopular opinion but I think it is disgusting letting pets on your furniture, ESPECIALLY your bed. I cannot even sit on my own bed with ‘outdoor clothes’, so the thought of a dirty animal that leaves a trail of dirt and germs and hair in a bed - no way. Why do people want that?

PTS.

That's right

@Pinkpinkpink15

Time will tell but I believe you are wrong regarding the efficacy of the ban.

I reported a pitbull that I saw being walked off-lead and jaw-trained by biting into things. No muzzle.
The same law applies that will soon apply to XL bullies. You don't have to prove a breed - it's based on visual characteristics of the breed and just have to be visually compatible with a banned dog.

I took photos of the dog and the owner and reported it to the police. I got a crime number, police investigated and confiscated the dog.

Trust me, from the banned dog owners that I see, they ain't the type to be getting permissions, licences, insurances, micro-chips... The tracksuits and the weed cost too much.

So if it goes anywhere near as smoothly as it did with the pitbull, I am indeed in pure glee about the ban.

Me either. I know a lot of people will sY dog was here first but how many of them would sleep on a dog peed mattress. You'll never get it off once it's soaked in. And I say this as a dog owner of an incredibly pampered beagle.

I feel sorry for your dog, I've got three lurchers and they can get quite nasty with each other sometimes but the worst they'll do is a little nick to each other, for your poor dog to need several operations by a dog it's expected to live with is really sick!! So glad they're getting banned, can't believe someone would call a dog that has half killed another dog IT KNOWS good with other dogs...😭

Edited to add, how would you feel living with a man that had put you in hospital with no way to leave? This post really upset me

I know others disagree but personally I think it absolutely disgusting that people allow their dog to sleep in their bedroom let alone on their bed but IN the bed makes me urge. I also don't allow mine on furniture.

My dogs aren't permitted upstairs unless they are having a bath and sleep on actual dog beds. The youngest still sleeps in her crate all night - she's small and it's a large crate.

You are sleeping in a dogs bed. You have intimacy in the dogs bed. Your partner rates your needs lower than the dog's.

No dog is too old to learn new ways of living. It may take longer but dogs are clever.

OP, you need to have the XL put to sleep. She didn't just attack a random dog (which would be bad enough), she hurt a dog she's known and lived with since she was a puppy. Three times. Bad enough for your other dog to need an operation. Next time (and there will be a next time because mistakes happen, no matter how hard you try to keep them separated) she might kill her.

Remember, the XL attacked a member of her pack, a member of your family. It's only a matter of time until she goes for your children or you or a stranger. I understand that it's hard, but please do the responsible thing.

From a professional of over 25 years....

Your 'behaviouralist' is not remotely educated or qualified - dominance is NOT, nor ever will be, the cause of a behaviour problem

Nor will being allowed on the bed.

Peeing in places that smell strongly of you scream an insecure dog living in a high stress situation.

All your descriptions of how you're managing these dogs also screams of a high stress situation and because your actual, factual dog behaviour knowledge is limited at best, you are at risk of making one mistake too far, and soon.

Do not call a trainer. They train dogs.

Do not call anyone who mentions dominance, alpha etc etc.

Certainly do not call Graham bloody Hall, chances of him dealing with an XL bully are low anyway but if he did he'd want around a grand off you and is incapable of solving the problem.

https://www.ccab.uk/practising-ccabs Check out here. This is who you need.

Don't expect to call and instantly get help though, you'll need to give them a full and detailed history and set up an appointment. You would both be expected to be there, whether its remote or in your home.

I couldn't sleep in any bed a dog had been on, nevermind in. That's really grim.

Sorry, but any behaviourist that mentions 'dominance' is not a behaviourist worth listening to. The theory of digs trying to be 'alphas' has been fully debunked, including by the scientist who posited it in the first place.