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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To hate my partners dog?

207 replies

Completelywornout · 08/11/2023 18:27

Ok so I’m expecting some hate with this 1.
But I just don’t like her. I look at her and don’t feel any love towards her. Maybe I’m a bit jealous, but who knows.
I’ve told him repeatedly I don’t want her on our bed, yet she’s always on it. She sleeps under his covers and it actually makes me feel a bit sick. He says what’s the problem she’s on my side… and I see his point but that doesn’t make me feel any different about it.
When we’re in the room she’s on his side- but whenever we go out the room she will get on my side. Pull the covers back and sleep on my sheets 🤢 forever telling her off. I’ve started putting empty bottles all along my side of the bed while I’m not in the room but recently she’s started pushing them over and just getting under the covers. She always gets on my side, even tho dps side is closer to her bed!
A few weeks ago I went into the room and she’d peed on my side of the bed! Straight through to the mattress. I was furious.
If it were up to me she wouldn’t be in our room full stop, but unfortunately we have to keep her and our other dog separate at all times and we’re scared 1 of the kids will accidentally let them get together so keeping her in another room isn’t an option.
Im at a loss on how I’m meant to keep her off my bed and it’s driving me crazy. Dp doesn’t care because obviously he allows her to do it. She’s almost 6 so have a few more years to put up with this and I feel like it’s just going to get worse.

OP posts:
GrumpyPanda · 08/11/2023 19:40

Totally not unreasonable. Dog stays out of the bedroom or boyfriend sleeps in a separate room.

Original poster
Completelywornout · 08/11/2023 19:44

Justcallmebebes · 08/11/2023 19:36

This. The whole situation sounds intolerable

Show quote history

It is and I sometimes regret even buying the xl because of the problems we now face, but we both love her so much that when we were giving her away I sobbed my heart out. We were on holiday at the time and I said she just needs to be gone before we get back. One person messaged us and was supposed to turn up 2 nights in a row to visit her and never showed up. Then we got home and no one has been in contact since so we said we were just going to live with it.
Our bedroom window is open constantly to try and stop the room from smelling and we’re lighting inscence constantly but it’s freezing in here!
I wish there was another option but I just don’t see any other way to do it

OP posts:
Scirocco · 08/11/2023 19:46

It doesn't sound like she has a good life. She's confined to part of her home because another dog attacks her - she'll be able to smell the other dog, including on the people she's depending on to keep her safe, so she'll be permanently on edge. She's not trying to be in the bed to annoy you, she's trying to feel safe!

I'm guessing your other dog is a bully XL. A bully XL that has already shown violent behaviour and injured your partner's dog. That is soon to be a banned breed. And that you let around your children...

Re-home the bully XL or surrender it to a shelter, before it hurts your partner's dog again or worse, escalates that behaviour and re-directs it towards one of your children.

Original poster
Completelywornout · 08/11/2023 19:46

CantFindTheBeat · 08/11/2023 19:40

Why is the dog weeing in the house, OP?

What's going on? Is it scared, in pain, injured?

She has only done it once, well she peed in her own bed a couple of weeks ago, but it was just after her having surgery. I’m hoping once she’s fully recovered it won’t happen again

OP posts:
RedVanYellowVan · 08/11/2023 19:47

Your living conditions sound diabolical. You have to sleep in a bed with a dog you don't like. The bed smells, and has dog hair and dog pee in it.

You have children but you also have another dog of a breed about to be banned because it has a tendency to maim or kill humans, especially small ones. This might include your children. It might also maim or kill your other dog.

You cannot live freely in your house because you need to keep the dogs apart.

Your partner appears to have no respect for you.

I'm honestly failing to understand why you are there. Why do some women set the bar so low for their lives? Please just get yourself sorted out and leave. Life could be so much better, nicer, cleaner.

GarlicBroccolini · 08/11/2023 19:49

How old are your children?

CantFindTheBeat · 08/11/2023 19:50

Am I right that this dog, which you used to like, is to traumatised that it has had 2 to 3 operations because of another dog that has attacked it, and it now has to live upstairs?

And that the pee in the bed was after one of these operations?

Original poster
Completelywornout · 08/11/2023 19:53

RedVanYellowVan · 08/11/2023 19:47

Your living conditions sound diabolical. You have to sleep in a bed with a dog you don't like. The bed smells, and has dog hair and dog pee in it.

You have children but you also have another dog of a breed about to be banned because it has a tendency to maim or kill humans, especially small ones. This might include your children. It might also maim or kill your other dog.

You cannot live freely in your house because you need to keep the dogs apart.

Your partner appears to have no respect for you.

I'm honestly failing to understand why you are there. Why do some women set the bar so low for their lives? Please just get yourself sorted out and leave. Life could be so much better, nicer, cleaner.

It’s not an issue that I don’t feel respected at all. He’s always allowed the dog to sleep in his bed, he had another dog when he 1st moved in and I point blank refused to let her on my bed. She would get on every so often and I’d let her, but would then fart and I’d tell her to get down. She was an older dog so probably could have done with the comfort more than the others. DP often tells his dog to get down out of the bed when he’s going to sleep as she takes up quite a bit of room and in all honesty if he wants her to sleep there then that’s fine. I just don’t want her crawling under my quilt and sleeping on my sheets. It makes me sick

OP posts:
Jewelspun · 08/11/2023 19:54

I got as far as 'forever telling her off'.

How is a dog supposed to differentiate which side of the bed she is allowed on?

She will understand not to get on the bed but to tell her off for not understanding YOUR bed arrangements is disgusting.

Poor creature will develop anxiety and might start peeing and pooping. Hopefully on your side of the bed.

KittensAtTheGates · 08/11/2023 19:56

CantFindTheBeat · 08/11/2023 19:50

Am I right that this dog, which you used to like, is to traumatised that it has had 2 to 3 operations because of another dog that has attacked it, and it now has to live upstairs?

And that the pee in the bed was after one of these operations?

This is how I read it as well! I feel very sorry for your partner's poor dog, she must live in constant fear.

What did the dog behaviourist say? Sounds like they didn't feel your other dog's aggressive behaviour could be solved?

Emptyheadlock · 08/11/2023 19:58

So the dog in the bed has has operations due to being attacked by another dog.

She wee'd after an op, it isn't a regular thing.

And you thought an xl bully was a great companion for her.

Wtf?

YOU need rehoming. I am absolutely disgusted.

salsmum · 08/11/2023 19:58

Maybe worth applying to 'Dogs behaving badly' Graham Hall is amazing and they are searching for new cases to take on.

Original poster
Completelywornout · 08/11/2023 19:59

Completelywornout · 08/11/2023 19:53

It’s not an issue that I don’t feel respected at all. He’s always allowed the dog to sleep in his bed, he had another dog when he 1st moved in and I point blank refused to let her on my bed. She would get on every so often and I’d let her, but would then fart and I’d tell her to get down. She was an older dog so probably could have done with the comfort more than the others. DP often tells his dog to get down out of the bed when he’s going to sleep as she takes up quite a bit of room and in all honesty if he wants her to sleep there then that’s fine. I just don’t want her crawling under my quilt and sleeping on my sheets. It makes me sick

Show quote history

Also there are probably hundreds of thousands of xl bullys in the uk and there have been 12 people killed in 3 years so they do not have a tendency to kill people. I’d never allow my dog around my children if I had one thought that she would harm them, but they have been warned to never bring friends into the house if we’re not there because I’m not stupid and would never take that risk with another child or even my dog. I would never put her in a position where she could harm anyone

OP posts:
Emptyheadlock · 08/11/2023 20:00

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Original poster
Completelywornout · 08/11/2023 20:01

GarlicBroccolini · 08/11/2023 19:49

How old are your children?

11 and 15

OP posts:
SugaredCookie · 08/11/2023 20:02

CantFindTheBeat · 08/11/2023 19:50

Am I right that this dog, which you used to like, is to traumatised that it has had 2 to 3 operations because of another dog that has attacked it, and it now has to live upstairs?

And that the pee in the bed was after one of these operations?

This.

Jesus fucking Christ. It’s a shame you don’t have any empathy for this poor dog OP considering you caused this problem in the first place by introducing an aggressive dog to the household who bullies and attacks it to the point where it has to be permanently locked away in a bedroom.

Fionaville · 08/11/2023 20:03

I'm a dog lover. This sounds like a living hell for all involved. It reads like 'How not to be a dog owner'
I'm not surprised his dog wants to be in the bed when you've got an XL bully that is aggressive towards it and could rip it to shreds!
It's absurd.

PrimalOwl10 · 08/11/2023 20:05

Your xl bully is a bomb waiting to go off. Its attack another dog in the house 3 times that it's required operations and is kept seperate. The dog is housed upstairs and has wet the bed likely due to fear. You both sound like terrible dog owner. Why do you think the breed has been banned. Its only a matter of time when it turns on yourself your dp or the kids. It needs putting to sleep.

CantFindTheBeat · 08/11/2023 20:06

If this is a genuine post, OP, your situation is a mess,

I feel awful for your two children who are in the middle of it. I feel awful for your partner's dog, who you used to like but dumped when you got your new one and are making its life hell,

It seems like your partner should take his dog and move away from a dangerous pressure cooker of a situation,

Scirocco · 08/11/2023 20:06

Everyone who owns a bully XL: "My dog would never harm anyone!"

Enough bully XLs attack people and other animals each year that the breed is going to be banned.

Your bully XL has already attacked another dog (your other dog!) to the extent that the other dog has needed several operations.

Your bully XL is already part of that statistic of bully XLs attacking other animals.

You have a dangerous dog in a house with another animal and your children. That's the main issue here, not a scared dog hiding in your bedroom.

Original poster
Completelywornout · 08/11/2023 20:07

Jewelspun · 08/11/2023 19:54

I got as far as 'forever telling her off'.

How is a dog supposed to differentiate which side of the bed she is allowed on?

She will understand not to get on the bed but to tell her off for not understanding YOUR bed arrangements is disgusting.

Poor creature will develop anxiety and might start peeing and pooping. Hopefully on your side of the bed.

I understand what you’re saying, and it’s an issue between me and dp about allowing her on the bed at all and I get that she doesn’t understand which side of the bed she’s allowed on so is probably confused when I’m telling her off. But I’m trying to find a solution to her getting on my side of the bed and getting under the covers so this doesn’t happen anymore. I certainly don’t want to be telling her off at all.
She’s not just confined to the bedroom either. She comes and sits in the living room when me and DP are both down there or if either of us is downstairs she will stay upstairs with the other and the other dog goes in the living room with the other person.

OP posts:
PrimalOwl10 · 08/11/2023 20:08

What is worrying is your update your dog is dangerous it had attacked and caused harm to another animal. It needs putting to sleep.

QueenCamilla · 08/11/2023 20:08

A badly trained, unruly dog was a big part of the decision to leave a boyfriend. I couldn't imagine living together.

Original poster
Completelywornout · 08/11/2023 20:14

KittensAtTheGates · 08/11/2023 19:56

This is how I read it as well! I feel very sorry for your partner's poor dog, she must live in constant fear.

What did the dog behaviourist say? Sounds like they didn't feel your other dog's aggressive behaviour could be solved?

Show quote history

He said it was a dominance thing and that she was too old to try and do anything about it now as she’s almost 3 years old. He also told us we had to downsize as we have too many b!tches in the house and to keep them off the furniture. I am all for it but dp says he’s not having a stranger tell him what to do with his dogs 🙄
I’m going to ring another trainer tomorrow and have them on loud speaker so he can hear everything that gets said and hopefully he will see sense. I don’t want either dog locked away out of fear that they’re going to fight again. It is a terrible situation that we’ve found ourselves in. Giving away the dog who is upstairs is not an option and very soon giving away the xl won’t be an option either, although atm there are thousands trying to rehome their xls and they are just not wanted by anyone. The only other solution is to have the xl pts

OP posts:
Soupdragonandme · 08/11/2023 20:15

Try tin foil on your side of the bed. I use it to keep my dog off the back of the sofa and it works 💯