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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To hate my partners dog?

207 replies

Completelywornout · 08/11/2023 18:27

Ok so I’m expecting some hate with this 1.
But I just don’t like her. I look at her and don’t feel any love towards her. Maybe I’m a bit jealous, but who knows.
I’ve told him repeatedly I don’t want her on our bed, yet she’s always on it. She sleeps under his covers and it actually makes me feel a bit sick. He says what’s the problem she’s on my side… and I see his point but that doesn’t make me feel any different about it.
When we’re in the room she’s on his side- but whenever we go out the room she will get on my side. Pull the covers back and sleep on my sheets 🤢 forever telling her off. I’ve started putting empty bottles all along my side of the bed while I’m not in the room but recently she’s started pushing them over and just getting under the covers. She always gets on my side, even tho dps side is closer to her bed!
A few weeks ago I went into the room and she’d peed on my side of the bed! Straight through to the mattress. I was furious.
If it were up to me she wouldn’t be in our room full stop, but unfortunately we have to keep her and our other dog separate at all times and we’re scared 1 of the kids will accidentally let them get together so keeping her in another room isn’t an option.
Im at a loss on how I’m meant to keep her off my bed and it’s driving me crazy. Dp doesn’t care because obviously he allows her to do it. She’s almost 6 so have a few more years to put up with this and I feel like it’s just going to get worse.

OP posts:
Sososoexhausted · 08/11/2023 21:01

Please OP stand your ground with your partner and make changes; this sounds like it’s at boiling point. Agree with PP peeing on your bed (as horrible as it is) is the least of the issues here. That poor dog needs rehoming it’s been attacked 3 times in its own home - it’s safe place. I don’t want to repeat all the valid points made here, but I’m worried for your children and also that poor dog. Breed aside, that is aggressive behaviour. If DP won’t compromise in such a dangerous environment then I’m sorry he needs to pick a dog and leave. What will it take for him to agree - hurting your children or killing the other dog?! Please don’t let it get to that. It’s exhausting when the decisions are on you but this is too big too carry on

Loubelle70 · 08/11/2023 21:03

Completelywornout · 08/11/2023 19:40

She’s actually trained really well and will do anything my DP tells her. Me on the other hand, she just looks at me like “what?” 🤣 maybe that’s part of the issue. She probably thinks she’s higher up in the ranks because she gets to sleep with DP. Idk

Therefore, shes not trained very well tbh.

FlamingoHels · 08/11/2023 21:03

That’s grim I wouldn’t want a dog in my bed either op!

Very telling that your partner doesn’t respect your views either

Pewpewbarneymcgrew · 08/11/2023 21:04

Poor little dog, attacked by an XL

Sureaseggs44 · 08/11/2023 21:10

If you say the dog has been crated before how about trying a crate with the door open and a cover on ? The dog may feel more secure ? Try keep putting in treats and nice blankets . My daughters dogs sleep in a cage with the door open all the time , voluntarily .

also look at videos by Southend dog training , they are amazing .

Pewpewbarneymcgrew · 08/11/2023 21:12

This is cruel, a little dog that was there before you is being terrorised by your XL and you’re blaming it ?

FourChimneys · 08/11/2023 21:16

DisforDarkChocolate

I completely agree. How utterly revolting. I know someone who sleeps with her dog and she stinks. I never allow her in my house.

Love your user name and completely agree with that too.

TerrysNeapolitan · 08/11/2023 21:17

a dog in bed is gross

Tawlk · 08/11/2023 21:18

.

Sarvanga38 · 08/11/2023 21:21

One can only imagine what is going to happen to you and/or your kids when the XL is killing your other poor dog, as it inevitably will, and someone tries to save it.

Screamingabdabz · 08/11/2023 21:25

QueenCamilla · 08/11/2023 20:29

12 people killed is "only" for you? Do you know how many people have been maimed? Scarred for life?

Anyways, it sounds like just the typical living conditions for Bully owners. I can picture it. Plus the gray trackies.

The question is not about how to keep the dog off the bed - the question is why have you chosen to live this way. And why have you chosen this lifestyle for your children.
The behaviouralist is needed for the humans here, not the dogs.

This. What a grim low life existence. I feel sorry for kids having parents who happily entertain an ugly predatory animal prowling around the house.

Frequency · 08/11/2023 21:25

Adding to @WiddlinDiddlin's excellent advice if they are not spayed I would get them both done, ASAP. Hormonal changes when they're coming into season can cause some bitches to become more aggressive and aggression between entire bitches due to seasons is not uncommon.

Pandagirl10 · 08/11/2023 21:26

I know it needs sorting out longer term but in the meantime, fill a couple of suitcases with spare clothes/shoes etc and pop those on your side of the bed while you aren’t ion it. Easy to pick up and pop on the floor when you want to get in

Badgrief · 08/11/2023 21:26

What would you have done if your dog had been attacked by another dog while out on a walk? An attack that required surgery? An attack that was repeated. On at least two more occasions. Would you really accept the owner's claim that the attacker is a safe family pet?

If you couldn't protect the older dog after the first, or second, attack what is the likelihood that you will properly supervise the xl bully to prevent it attacking again - either your dog, another animal or a person?

Tawlk · 08/11/2023 21:27

This sounds like a horrific living situation for everyone involved 🥲 although I can’t comprehend why anyone would have unsafe dog breeds, baffles me.

WiddlinDiddlin · 08/11/2023 21:40

@Completelywornout Do you fully understand the implications of living with an exempted dog?

Given the amount your posts show that you do not understand (ie, a dog is well trained but only responds to one person... etc)... I am really concerned you do not and the penalities for getting this wrong can be pretty catastrophic.

I am basing this on the situation with Pitbulls as the government to my knowledge have yet to release full details but its likely to be the same:

1 person will be the registered certified keeper - you can't chop and choose, if that registered keeper is in hospital, away with work, in prison, on holiday, away for educational purposes, for more than 3 weeks out of 52 - exemption certificate voided. To court, dog probably seized.

The registered keeper must be a fit and proper person so if the applicant has a criminal record suggesting otherwise (likely drugs or violent crime, or multiple offences), they won't be able to be the keeper.

If you rent, you must check your landlord permits you to keep an illegal or dangerous breed. I know some people will attempt to challenge this for dogs who have lived in the same rental property without any incident for years, but I would not bank on that having positive results any time soon. If there is no permission to keep your dog at your property (as the keeper AND address are listed) then you can't keep the dog.

The dog will need to be insured 3rd party, neutered/spayed, muzzled in public (and depending on your home layout this is anywhere with an 'implied right of access to the public', simply... anywhere delivery/post/emergency services would go if they needed to get to you. Including your car. Held on an appropriate length leash for the environment (fixed length for sure, we don't yet know about longlines).

You will not get health insurance for your dog from the moment the ban becomes law - do you have the cash for any illnesses/accidents?

Finding people willing to work with your dog (walkers, trainers etc) is getting harder as many insurance companies are refusing to cover us for this work (there are still some but that doesn't mean a business will choose to go with them of course).

Breaching any of these conditions can land the keeper and dog in court, dog seized and kennelled in a secret kennel. These are, from personal experience, vile at best. To keep staff safe there is almost never any contact with the dog, theres no exercise, just food, water, and choice of indoor or outdoor area. This could be for months.

It is highly likely that the government will want to crack down on dogs not proper exempted or people breaching exemption rules.

It is also very likely that if a dog doesn't measure up to be an XL bully, it will be considered a pitbull - we do not know yet if the exemption process will be the same, as the 'grace period' for Pitbulls ended at some point in the early 1990s. The proceedure NOW is you have to go to court to prove your dog is not a danger/argue whether htey are type or not. This may or may not result in seizure of your dog, depends much on the area and the opinion of your local force/Dog Legislation Officer.

Personally, though it would kill me to make this choice for one of my own, I would euthanise.

TheCatterall · 08/11/2023 21:41

@Completelywornout how can you have any level of intimacy with him when there’s always a dog there.. even the thought of its hair, skin and dirt being in the bed Daily makes me feel sick.

I foster dogs and holiday sit them and they can adapt at all ages to new behaviours and expectations.

I have friends that help humans understand their dogs needs and how to be a better owner.

Often I see it’s the owners that are the issue - not the dogs. Certainly seems like that’s the case with your self proclaimed ‘dog expert’ DP.

MyAnacondaMight · 08/11/2023 21:43

Christ this is bleak.

What a miserable life for the upstairs dog, living in fear of both the downstairs dog that wants to kill her and also the owner that randomly shouts at her for something her other owner encourages her to do.

Seren00090 · 08/11/2023 21:45

Poor dog is living constantly on edge of a fucking huge aggressive dog in her house.
No wonder she peed on the bed.

You really need to give yourself a shake if you're blaming the upstairs dog as the problem here.

Completelywornout · 08/11/2023 21:51

Frequency · 08/11/2023 21:25

Adding to @WiddlinDiddlin's excellent advice if they are not spayed I would get them both done, ASAP. Hormonal changes when they're coming into season can cause some bitches to become more aggressive and aggression between entire bitches due to seasons is not uncommon.

We spoke to a vet about 2/3 weeks ago, as obviously she will need to be spayed as part of the conditions of keeping her, and he said it wouldn’t make any difference. I specifically asked that question as I was looking for an answer. He said it’s too late and the bully will always attack our other dog now. He said to my partner you have a decision to make. Since then he’s not mentioned it so I’m going to have to bring it up, although it’s going to be a hard conversation as I don’t think he’ll change his mind easily. I can’t afford for another incident to make him change his mind 😣

OP posts:
carly2803 · 08/11/2023 21:54

the poor dog stuck in the bedroom. gets attacked and probably in fear for its life upstairs

Put the XL down, they are going to be banned anyhow - not without good reason, as proven here!
Wouldnt have one anywhere near my kids. I have only ever seen "the type" of owner against the ban
wonder why

Salome61 · 08/11/2023 22:04

So sorry to read this. I lost my beloved dog last October., I really miss him and the unconditional love he gave me. He protected the garden from rats, and protected me from unwanted visitors by alerting me.

I hope you can learn to love her.

Salome61 · 08/11/2023 22:11

I hadn't read the thread completely and hadn't realised you had bought an XL bully into her house who has attacked her, no wonder she is hiding out upstairs, poor dog.

needtonamechangeforthis1 · 08/11/2023 22:14

salsmum · 08/11/2023 19:58

Maybe worth applying to 'Dogs behaving badly' Graham Hall is amazing and they are searching for new cases to take on.

Please don't follow the is advice this man is horrendous and shouldn't be allowed to work with dogs. His tactics are nothing short of abusive

Please find a good

momonpurpose · 08/11/2023 22:15

This is a situation unfortunately where pts is the only option.