To shout "GO!" to your wife at roundabouts?

[Yomuma]

Okay so maybe this isn't exactly earth shattering in importance but interested to get opinions!

DH is a very confident driver. He does a lot of miles with work, he loves driving, he is really top notch in that department, I don't deny.

I am what I would call a safe driver, and what he calls slow. And whilst being very competent behind the wheel is one of his strengths, being patient in the passenger seat isn't.

Recently this has resulted in him, when I pull up to a roundabout, shouting to me "GO! GO!"

This has two effects. One, my brain goes "aaah go stop go stop what am I doing!!!" and second, I get an overwhelming urge to rip off the steering wheel and hit him over the head with it.

Now, he says - well, if there is a space you need to go, so just listen to me!! And hurry up!?

I say - ahhhh shut up you bossy bossy boots!!

AIBU in my reaction?

I think he should shut the fuck up when you're driving. Or he can drive himself.

Driver judges whether they have a safe gap, passenger shuts their cake hole.

I may have been behind you once. The female driver got out of the car and went!

Bloke hopped around looking mystified, angry and completely bemused.

It was summer, road was busy and we all heard him shout at her!

I wasn't the only driver who slowed down and asked her if she wanted a lift!

I can't stand dithery drivers, but your husband sounds like wanker. Tell him to shut the fuck up or walk next time.

Yabu because your reaction is way too mild.

He is being unreasonable. The driver has full responsibility.

That’s what my toddler does to me….

If he was that good a driver he'd know that yelling at the person behind the wheel is dangerous.

I would literally say “shut the fuck up or get out of the car”. It would do my head in. Not unreasonable.

I've stopped the car before and made a male passenger (friend) sit in the back.

Also threatened my boyfriend with it in the summer. It's only men that do it.

What he's doing is actually dangerous as well - because if you did listen to him, the delay between him saying GO, you deciding to listen and then accelerating could easily mean the gap has gone... As you say, it's distracting you, and nobody needs that while they're driving.

I'd be pulling over and telling him he shuts up or walks.

are you stopping when there is actually a safe gap in which to proceed?

Were you taught to pull up and stop at roundabouts as opposed to approaching slowly and slotting into gaps?

are you approaching the roundabout slowly and scanning the traffic on it?

he should not be shouting anything at you, I’d be telling him to pipe down unless he wants to always drive everywhere forever and never have a drink on nights out ever again?

perhaps secretly book yourself on to do your institute of advanced motoring course and test?

the shouting is definitely not ok.

Yep. Get out and walk off. Totally unacceptable. If he’s got a point and you are actually a bit too anxious, let him pay for you to get some additional lessons; but he is making you worse and HIS behaviour could cause an accident.

He's being really really dangerous and could kill you

Well, assuming you are a competent driver then he is being unreasonable. And in any case, you are driving, so if he says go, and you end up crashing into another car, its no defence that someone else told you to go. You have to decide it's safe for you.

If however, you are the person in a blue car this morning, then please, for mercy's sake GO. A whole village of hedgehogs could have crossed, done their shopping and come back again in the time that person spent dithering.

He's being utterly unreasonable. I would tell him that you're not driving him anywhere if he ever does that again.

If you're driving, you make the calls about when you feel that it's safe to go. If he is driving, then he makes those calls. Passengers need to shut the fuck up.

Whoever is behind the wheel is the driver. Everyone else in the car needs to keep their mouths shut about the driving. If they do t then they do t get in the car again! Period.

Backseat driver. My rule is I'm driving so shut up unless you want to walk home.

OP, my mother was very hesitant at roundabouts and cross roads. She took a few lessons with a driving instructor whose brief was to increase her confidence ; it worked very well, because he encouraged her, not hassled her (although he did used to say ‘missed it’ , when she didn’t take advantage of a gap, ‘missed it’ became a household saying) .

Perhaps your DH would like to pay for a similar course for you?

If you are a bit dithery Get him to do all the driving

I said he’s being unreasonable. You’re the driver. Your choice. (And many men act too fast (statistically proven) so he may be one).

Um, however… I have a pal who comes up to the roundabout…and then looks to see if it’s safe to proceed. You can see it for quite a while and normal drivers read the road ahead and form a plan prior to being on the roundabouts doorstep. Not just rock up and then have a first glance.

So if you’re my pal, no offence, but could you please read the road ahead better as it slows the flow of traffic when you aren’t alert and planning ahead and stop when you should be proceeding.

It is really rude. But it's also frustrating to be a passenger with a hesitant driver. The best cure is for you to start critiquing his driving "You could have easily gone then" See how he likes it!

My brother's an advanced police driver. He had a mildly irritating habit of saying 'clear left' at junctions. That was until he had a girlfriend who thought that was just a fun thing he said at junctions (I don't know, she was very sweet).

Anyway, the rest is predictable. She said 'clear left' because that's what you do at junctions. It was not, in fact, clear left.

Moral: driver drives, passenger passenges.

Driver judges whether they have a safe gap, passenger shuts their cake hole.

This.

My husband did that to me once. Only once.